Love life?

[lostandconfused]

I want to be girl, but I keep running into one major problem: How the heck can my love life work? I'm heterosexual (ok, maybe more heterosexual than homosexual :p ) but if I transition, wouldn't I run the chance of being alone for the rest of my life? Although I want to be girl, I always have that aspiration of having children, finding my true love and growing old with her. But looking like a woman, would mean I would be excepted to be with a man, and I would just get stares everywhere if I were to do something romantic with a woman (as a woman).

btw - this is coming from a teenager still in high school, that has never been in a relationship. So yeah, you can call me naive.

[Just Mandy]

Hi Lost

I don't think it's impossible to find a girlfriend after transitioning but I've got to think it
would be much easier to find her before your transition. As long as she is on-board with it
before you get serious no one gets hurt. But I'm sure there are many girls that will find you
attractive as somewhere in-between a man and woman. As women get older I've found that
they tend to put much less weight on physical attributes and much more on things like
personality, how you take care of them, sense of humor, etc.

You will find a lot of married women here that fell in love young and either are still married, or have
been married, have children and have found GID too powerful to deny.

Others may disagree but I say if you really want and need children(and there is nothing wrong with that) then find
your soulmate first, let her know your issues, and then transition. I think that would make life a lot easier... but
that is just what I would do... you have to decide for yourself what YOU need. Also keep in mind that HRT
MAY make you unable to father children.

Amanda

[tekla]

All I can say is that I've never had problems, in drag, in drab, as a boy, as a girl, or as a whatever.  The stranger you are, the better the sex gets.

[umop ap!sdn]

My personal experience has been less happy than most. Though just about all the lesbian or bi GGs I've known will gladly accept an MtF as one of their own, a majority seem to do so only to the extent of friendship, not dating or intimacy. Many won't continue to go out with a woman they know is trans. Not that there aren't any who are fine with it, but even they tend to prefer other GGs. Most of my MtF friends are experiencing these same things.

On the other hand, you will still find that some women will like you, and it is possible to find The One. We just face a longer, more difficult search than GGs or men face.

As far as how strangers will react to two women being all couple-y, that depends on the stranger and depends on where you are (e.g. how progressive or traditional the area is).

[Just Mandy]

All I can say is that I've never had problems, in drag, in drab, as a boy, as a girl, or as a whatever.  The stranger you are, the better the sex gets.

Tekla, you are too funny

LOL.. I should have qualified my remarks with "Depending on where you live..."

Amanda

[Mnemosyne]

Blah, date who you like and as the person you want to be. Yes, you may end up lonely for a time. I went years without dating but now have had a steady stream. Yes, the GF and I hold hands and occasionally even kiss in public. It draws some attention but for the most part it goes unnoticed, even in the conservative area where I live.

Can you honestly be happy with someone else if you are not first happy with yourself?

[NickSister]

I want to be girl, but I keep running into one major problem: How the heck can my love life work? I'm heterosexual (ok, maybe more heterosexual than homosexual :p ) but if I transition, wouldn't I run the chance of being alone for the rest of my life? Although I want to be girl, I always have that aspiration of having children, finding my true love and growing old with her. But looking like a woman, would mean I would be excepted to be with a man, and I would just get stares everywhere if I were to do something romantic with a woman (as a woman).

btw - this is coming from a teenager still in high school, that has never been in a relationship. So yeah, you can call me naive.

Hey Lost,

I think there are no guarantees whatever way you look at it. Being a heterosexual man does not guarantee that you will find the love of your life anymore than being a lesbian woman, especially if you are a depressed miserable heterosexual man that struggles with living as a man.

Something to consider is can you be honest and true to your partner if you are not being true to yourself? Will they be falling in love with you or with the guy mask? You have probably heard stories of all the devastated wives and husbands of transsexuals who come out later in the relationship. It is a real tragedy though often no ones fault.

Looking like a woman does not mean you would be expected to be with a man, though admittedly lots of people will make that assumption. Being a lesbian is just another way to be. Certainly in homophobic parts you will stand out with public displays of affection (just as most people do when you think about it). Move to a more liberated city and nobody would even blink an eye. If you are a woman and a lesbian then you will need to reconcile this within yourself. End of the day it is not exactly a choice, but your relationships will be just like any other. You meet a girl, get to know each other, fall in love, fight, make love, she makes you eggs for breakfast, you cook her hamburgers for dinner.... How they actually work is a mystery, they just happen.

There are plenty of different avenues to have kids too e.g. get some of your sperm stored for IVF treatments later, adopt, or your female partner can get fertilised with some donor sperm. If you want it enough you can find a way.

So I guess what I am saying is the choice might not be yours, you just have to deal with the hand you got. You can't escape who you are attracted too. You can't escape your gender but you can try to hide it. Hiding might make it easier to meet a girl but you forever after have to live with the knowledge that you are not living as who you truly are. For some people this is better than being without that person.

Perhaps you could just to see how things pan out, experience in relationships will give you some more insight. In time you might find that you don't even have the choice. Many transgendered people find that in time their dysphoria gets stronger and inescapable.

Best of luck in life and love
Nicole

[Katelynne]

assuming that just because you're a woman you have to be with a man is far too gender normative.
i say fall in love with, have a family with and grow old with a woman who loves you for you---when the time is right.

for most of my adult life, i considered myself a heterosexual female.  right now, i am in a relationship with a transgirl and i've never felt embarassed to hold her hand, kiss her or be close to her in public.
if you find the right girl, she'll love you for you, no matter what.

[tekla]

I should have qualified my remarks with "Depending on where you live

On not just here, it was the same in Iowa.  It does not depend on where you are, it depends on who you are, how comfortable you are with yourself, and how you come across.

Of course, if you never ask in the first place....