I don't know what to do...

[JCov212]

I'd like to introduce myself first off...I'm new here...my legal name is Jennifer, but I hate that name. I hate that part of me. I don't know what I am. I don't know if my mind wants me to just be a gay woman or a straight man...

I have yet to talk to any therapist or doctor, because I do not have health insurance. I live in a fairly rural area as well, so the closest therapist that deals with gender issues is almost two hours away from me. And the closest one that does a sliding scale payment method (for those without insurance) is 4 hours awak.

I guess I'm just making this post to ask....

Where do I start with this?

How do I come up with the money to see a doctor when I do not have health insurance?

Thanks for any insight...

[ConfusedMichelle]

Welcome, "Jennifer."  I will refer to you as Jennifer until you decide if you would like to change your name or remain being called Jennifer.  I'm Brady.  Welcome to Susans, it's great to have you here!

Well, obviously you are confused about your gender and path to discovery.  Good news! You have come to the perfect place for help.

As for therapists, you can find a listing of therapists in your area right here on Susan's!  Otherwise, you can even look through the phone book and find a local listing.  As for money, I'm not sure what to tell you.  You could try saving a little money from each paycheck for a few months in order to pay for therapy.  That's what I did all through out high school (well, saved about 95% of each paycheck) and now that I'm going to college I saved enough money to pay for therapy.  It's a good and easy way to save money!

Hope I helped.  If not, well I guess I gave you a welcome to Susans  Let us know if you have other questions. 

[JCov212]

I guess I could post a little more about myself...

First off, Jen will work for now. My grandmother calls me Jennifer...makes things sound so formal...lol...I did find a few listings and I sent out emails to ones that are within an hour and a half of me, to see if they'll work with people who have no insurance.

I'm currently in school full time for Accounting, and working part time in a hotel. I've been out of my parent's house for about a year and a half now. I've been living with my girlfriend the whole time. She's been very supportive of me and all of these problems. I guess it helps that she's bi, she's told me on several occasions that she doesn't care what I am, she fell in love with me, not my body.

[Dennis]

I'll add my voice to the welcome. Therapy is usually the first step, and it is essential that you have a therapist who's well-versed in gender issues. Money is a problem for all of us. If there's a larger centre near you, perhaps there's a GLBT clinic that will offer some freebie or subsidized counselling. Or you may be able to hook up through your school.

There is distance therapy as well, but I'm not sure how effective that is at actually sorting out your feelings.

Dennis

[mickie88]

hi, J. i won't call you anymore than that because you've already mentioned you don't like your name. i don't blame you. i was named after two people i'm not and never will be, so i understand where you are coming from. Welcome to Susan's as well, Tink will be along shortly and post everything for you board wise. like Brady said the best thing you can do is go thru the phone book and cold call all of them until you find what you're looking for. it's what i did, because i have insurance but it's not usually used for this type of medical condition. i found i had plenty of therapists who dealt with it, fairly close to me, but they also wanted $140- 150 an hour, and who can really afford that anymore. just take your time and don't rush things, patience is a virtue all of us should have and a lot of other people should learn from us.

aww, it's very sweet that you have a girl who loves you for you and not your body. i tell my so that all  the time but she doesn't believe me, maybe your girl and i are related..

you are always free to ask any questions within guidelines of the site, and feel free to pm me if you have questions, after you've made 15 posts, enjoy your stay and your journey throughout this thing we call life.


warm welcome,
Warrior Princess Mickie

[fae_reborn]

Hi J, welcome!  You're very lucky to have a girlfriend who's very supportive and loves you for you, that's one step-up than most others in your situation have.  I'm sorry you don't have insurance and the closest people who can help are 2-4 hours away; I do hope you can find someone closer who is supportive and can counsel you through what must be a difficult time.  Instead of money or insurance, ask the therapists in your area if they can help you if you do other work for them.  Maybe they need someone to babysit their kids?  Some yard work perhaps?  See if you can barter and trade for their services.

[JCov212]

Sadly, the closest GLBT center would be the same place as the therapists...in Baltimore, about 2 hours from where I am. But I am willing to take that drive in order to try to get things straightened out.

I live in sort of a closed minded area. We're lucky to have one gay store and we've got the only gay club within 45 miles of this area. I did try calling a therapist in the neighboring city, but was hung up on when I inquired about gender identity disorder. I think it would just be easier for me to travel two hours.

[fae_reborn]

Sadly, the closest GLBT center would be the same place as the therapists...in Baltimore, about 2 hours from where I am. But I am willing to take that drive in order to try to get things straightened out.

I live in sort of a closed minded area. We're lucky to have one gay store and we've got the only gay club within 45 miles of this area. I did try calling a therapist in the neighboring city, but was hung up on when I inquired about gender identity disorder. I think it would just be easier for me to travel two hours.

That may be so J, I'm sorry to hear you got hung up on, that's just rude!  Best of luck in your journey *hugs*

[JCov212]

I got a reply from one of the counselors I e-mailed this morning. Her sessions are $125 each, which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She questioned me to see if I was moving to the DC Metro area. In my response to her I told her no, and that I couldn't find and counselors in my area. I asked if she'd be able to send me information, or if she knew of any counselors that would be closer to my home. She seems like she's very helpful and nice.

Does anybody know anything about Martha Harris, she works out of Alexandria, VA

[sneakersjay]

Finding a decent gender therapist is key, I think, unless you get someone who is open and willing to educate themselves to help you.  A 2 hour drive is daunting, yes, but I'd do it if it were the only way to get what I needed.  And therapy isn't cheap.  Mine is not covered by insurance (she's out of network with a $5000 deductible) but worth every penny.  When I was newly aware of my GID issues (and believe me I had decades of denial and not really knowing what to call it) she was very helpful in having me sort things out.

Good luck, J.

Jay

[Jamie-o]

Welcome, Jen.  One other thing to add - which Dennis touched on - some schools have inexpensive health insurance available.  It would definitely be worth checking out.  I don't know if you're working while going to school, but you might also try looking for a job that offers medical benefits to part-timers. (Some do, though not many.)  Good luck.

[NicholeW.]

In your case Jennifer, go have a look at Mazzoni Center in Philly. Close enough, perhaps, and free to someone with your economic status. You can start with them and have continuing appts about every six months and the staff is wonderful, knowledgeable and has a lot of experience.

And the therapy program is connected with a lot of experience there as well and an ability to produce letters that will be accepted by surgeons. You can find then at mazzonicenter.org, unless they've changed their addy.

Good luck,

Nichole

[4Sparky]

Hey J. Not in the exact same boat as far as travel time but I went to several therapists and expressed my issues towards becoming myself and most of them (when they continued to talk to me) told me to accept who I was and move on. Someone finally told be about the counseling servies about an hour and a half away. Not sure if each state goes by the same guidelines but it was worth every penny I spent in gas to make the drive as often as she wanted me to.

Everyone is right about the luck that you hold with your girlfriend. My girlfriend and I were together for 4 years until she recently decided that she could not handle the change any more...this being almost 3 years after I started T and 2 years after top surgery. It was very unexpected...I hope with all of me that this doesnt happen in your situation.

Good luck in your search

[JCov212]

I contacted the GLBT center in Baltimore, MD. My girlfriend and I are going to go down there next weekend to get information about the gender identity meetings that they hold every month on the second Saturday. They also have FtM meetings every month on the 4th Saturday. I contacted them about any requirements (because I had never been in a GLBT center). I'd be able to bring my gf with me for any meetings I'd attend. I think I might start attending some of them. (Whenever money allows)

[Elwood]

I don't know if my mind wants me to just be a gay woman or a straight man...

The easiest answer to that question is do you want someone to refer to you as a woman or a man? Pretty basic stuff. Which feels more right? If it's neither, you might be bigendered, null gendered... heck, there's a list.

I learned very quickly that I "want to be" a gay man. I just knew. It's what my body wants and it's what I fantasize about. Maybe you have dreams about your sexuality or cravings. When your libido gets hungry, what are you craving for? Why can't you have it? Those questions might take you a little bit closer.

You may already know the answers to all of these... since I only read the first post (I don't have much time I can be on here today).

[JCov212]

The easiest answer to that question is do you want someone to refer to you as a woman or a man? Pretty basic stuff. Which feels more right? If it's neither, you might be bigendered, null gendered... heck, there's a list.

I learned very quickly that I "want to be" a gay man. I just knew. It's what my body wants and it's what I fantasize about. Maybe you have dreams about your sexuality or cravings. When your libido gets hungry, what are you craving for? Why can't you have it? Those questions might take you a little bit closer.

You may already know the answers to all of these... since I only read the first post (I don't have much time I can be on here today).

To answer that as easily as possible, without being here all day typing. I feel male. In every aspect of everything I do, I feel male. There are some days that I feel like a bisexual male, but I'm quite content with my relationship right now. Whenever I'm out with my girlfriend, we never get looked at funny when I hold her hand. (I have a small chest due to a breast reduction surgery when I was 18). The clothing I wear makes my top half appear male.

Whenever a clerk mistakes me for a man, it almost feels like I get a chill up my spine. One of those "good feeling" tingles.

[Elwood]

I pass as male, but... I look younger than I am, so I don't really get any respect. I'm 18 and most people think I'm a freshman in high school. When they find out that I'm "really" a girl, they treat me older, but feminine.

When I am called a man, I don't consider it a mistake. And it doesn't pleasure me, either. I give a sigh of relief; someone finally sees me for who I really am. I think pleasure when being called the target sex can be a bad sign, to be honest. GID is on the other side of the line between disorder and fetishism...

[J.T.]

hey, you're on the right path J.  Going to a group is a great way to help figure things out and get the ball rolling.  We're all so lucky the internet is around, i would probably be dead if it had never existed.

Don't rush... figure things out.  But rush at the same time.  Know what i mean?  Life is too short to waste.

Congrats on the girlfriend, if only we could all be so lucky.