Stressed over nothing

[Natalie_Danielle]

Hi everyone,

I has been quite a while since I posted anything, but I'm always here reading and what not.

A bit of history to begin.  About 5 years or so ago I was on deployment and my wife and I were chatting via Yahoo messenger and the topic of fantasies came up.   I mentioned something about me "dressing up" and my wife and I had a brief talk about it.  She asked how far I wanted to go.  I remember saying I wouldn't mind actually being a woman and she was ok with it.  After that brief chat I never mentioned it again and neither did she.    I guess I didn't want to push the subject for fear that she might suddenly be NOT OK with it.

Fast forward to last Saturday night.  The subject of Halloween costumes came up, and as she usually makes hers and our duaghters costumes she wanted ideas for this year. All of the ideas presented for me were very male oriented.  YUCK.  Anyway after a few minutes I decided to test the waters and "for fun" throw out dressing as a female character.   She laughed as expected.  A bit later I asked what she would think if I were serious about my costume choice.  Much to my relief, she said OK, and remined me that I told her 5 years ago and that she was still OK with it.  She said she never mentioned it because she didn't want me to feel uncomfortable discussing it.  So both of us were avoiding the subject to keep from hurting the other person, when in reality there was nothing to worry about

At this point I'm about to JUMP out of my skin with joy.  She asked if I were gay and if I had plans on leaving her and taking all her clothes (the taking of clothes refers to her first husband to out of spite left and took 90% of her clothes) .  I told her I only planned to be with her, had no plans on leaving (her clothes were safe) and she didn't have any worries as I wasn't gay.  Although she said it would be ok if I were but to tell her so there were no more surprises.

I'm soooooo relieved!!!  Even though she said it was ok 5 years ago,  I still had this FEAR that it wouldn't be ok and would end our relationship.   

For now I think I will take it very slow and give her the time to adjust to the idea. 

Anyway thats the big news in my world. I just had to share.



Jenn

[Jessica]

That's fantastic to hear Jennifer! Congratulations

Jessica

[Robyn]

For now I think I will take it very slow and give her the time to adjust to the idea. 

Jenn

BINGO!!!!  That and a gender counselor make for the beginnings of a good plan.

Robyn

[Sheila]

Jenn, you hit it right on the head. Patience and it can last. Yes, indeed, find a therapist and have your wife come with you as then she could asked questions and be right put with you. Always be honest.
Sheila

[Hazumu]

...About 5 years or so ago I was on deployment...

Another military girl, eh?

May I offer some advice?  If you're still serving, and within sight of active-duty retirement, DO wait until you've become a full-fledged member of the 'blue card club' before coming out and going full time.  I've heard of those who have substantially transitioned while on Active duty, but whatever you choose to do, DON'T GET CAUGHT!  The military is the biggest, baddest bunch of Gender Defenders anywhere, and if they discover you are transitioning, will process you out on something less than honorable in a heartbeat.

That said, there's a very good chance that a military doctor will attribute breast development to gynecomastia, and wearing a binder while on duty will keep suspisions and the accompanying Ration Of S#!^ at bay. (Of course, if the doctor needs to perform the 'finger wave' and finds two orifices not one, you're TOAST!)

Now for the big disclaimer:  If you take my posting as advice and choose to transition while serving, you are totally on your own and completely responsible for any negative effects that may be directed at you, and I am not responsible for said effects.

Sorry to be harsh, but people should be responsible for the consequences of their own actions.

Best of luck!!

Karen

[Natalie_Danielle]

Thanks Everyone,  things are still going good.

Karen, I'm former military, been a civilian for a little over a year now.  I probably would have stayed in if they were not so darn unreasonable when it comes to TG issues. And the funny part is I turned right around and got a job with the DOD doing almost the exact same thing I was doing before but at a good bit higher on the salary scale.  Anyway, thanks for the words of caution.

Ok, off to work. I can't avoid it any longer.



Jenn

[sheila18]

Jenniffer:
Am happy for you and your wife that you have chosen to be patient. It is hard for us to deal with the re-learning life let alone your wife and kids, JUst be ready for the questions forming in her mind already. Sounds like she is a great woman, don't be unwise to lose her before being certain that yoou want surgery it takes years to arrive there.
I like Karen's words about the military.
I use the Veterans medical benefits and they are not supportive of Transitioning, if I were to use outside medical help I forfeit my medical benefits. Something to think about, especially with kids.
my best to you and you lovely wife, Jenifer
love , sheila

[Chynna]

So your wife just thinks this is a halloween thing? or does she KNOW (Not suspect) its deeper then that?

just curious

Chynna

and PS Im going as a "Fairy" for haloween BIG suprise there right!

[Melissa]

I probably would have stayed in if they were not so darn unreasonable when it comes to TG issues. And the funny part is I turned right around and got a job with the DOD doing almost the exact same thing I was doing before but at a good bit higher on the salary scale.

Interesting.  Do more open-minded companies like this tend to pay more?  I was told to look for another job when I started transitioning and found a higher paying job myself that ended up being very open minded and supportive of my transition.

Melissa

[Natalie_Danielle]

Chynna:   she knows it is more.  Halloween costumes just re-opened the door for discussion.  When we talked a couple of years ago, I made it clear my destination was full transition or darn close to it.

Melissa, I still work for the Navy just as a DoD civilian. Thankfully as a civilian, I'm not subject to the UCMJ (military law) and all of the FUN stuff like I was when I was enlisted.  Also I'm 99% sure the city where I work has laws preventing discrimination on the grounds of TG issues.  I'm not sure if management is TG friendly or not there hasn't been any "events" to be able to say one way or another.

And Sheila, thanks for the kind words and info on the VA benefits.   Although I don't have VA medical, it is good to know in case they get cranky with my other VA benefits.



Jenn

[sheila18]

Jennifer:
The city where I live has a TG/TS group wheree once a week  TS and their spouses get togrther for a movie and cheetosis all tacky but the wifes get to talk with other tS and heear the discussions and obstacles they face. This going into the den of the tigress re-news the trust in their husbands because they are their in the trnches as witness at least and there are no hiddend randevous.  The KNOW that their husbands are in love with them and all they want is SRS not a stepping stone to get a man. Women freak out to compete with other women but throw in the towel if they have to add a whole new gender to compete.
Love , sheila

[Chynna]

Chynna:   she knows it is more.  Halloween costumes just re-opened the door for discussion.  When we talked a couple of years ago, I made it clear my destination was full transition or darn close to it.

She sounds like a good woman and wonderful human being.

I wonder if theres a designation code for a TS employee at the DoD
                                                 GL-5-TS ?

or if enlisted

the MOS is a:                          66 Tango S ierra

and oh the forms one must fill out to change a gender!

Chynna