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Gigglesnort!

Started by lady amarant, June 20, 2008, 08:58:09 AM

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lady amarant

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man is an Engineer, the second man is an Accountant, the third man a Chemist, and the fourth a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "Tsquare, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.

Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 250ml glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 240ml without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do, if anything?" The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, humped the other three cats, then claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the week on sick leave.
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Sandy

Thanks for that!

I almost choked on my tea!

-Sandy
Out of the darkness, into the light.
Following my bliss.
I am complete...
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lady amarant

My pleasure dearest.

Good ol' Brakpan... (Brakpan is like, the lowest of low-class areas in Johannesburg. For those of you who watch MTV, Benoni, wherethe Crazy-Monkey people are from, is right next door.)

A Brakpan girl walks into the local dry cleaners.
She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says.
"Come again?" says the half deaf worker.
"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."

Specially for those of us and Home Affairs! (Our Home-Affaris can be ... challenging...)

Brakpan girl goes to Home Affairs to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the assessor?
"Ten" replies the Brakpan girl,
"Ten?" says the Home Affairs worker.
"What are their names?"
"Warren, Warren, Warren, Warren, Warren, Warren, Warren, Warren, Warren and Warren"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Brakpan girl. "Its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to
shout Warren, YOUR SUPPER'S READY or Warren GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed Home Affairs worker.
"That's easy," says the Brakpan girl... "I just use their surnames"

So wrong ... yet so funny ...

~Simone.
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Yochanan

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Sandy

Simone you do seem to be in better spirits lately.  If that's true, I'm glad!  Your jokes have certainly improved mine!

-Sandy(*snort!*)
Out of the darkness, into the light.
Following my bliss.
I am complete...
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lady amarant

Quote from: Kassandra on June 20, 2008, 01:17:16 PM
Simone you do seem to be in better spirits lately.  If that's true, I'm glad!  Your jokes have certainly improved mine!

-Sandy(*snort!*)

Hehe - I put the manic in manic-depressive!  ::) My beard's coming back and at the moment, there's no chance for me to have Laser - neither financially nor opportunity. Oh well...

The Bearded Lady comes! Hide your sons, people of the African South!!! Muahahahahaha!

~Simone.
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TheBattler

I love been manic but it upsets the people working around me. I always chuckly to myself when manic and working, pitty I can get sad so quickly when I try and settle down.

Alice
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