Well a month ago, I went to visit some friends in Oklahoma. One of them is gay, and our visit coincided with the Tulsa Pride parade. He told me that there are always lots of transsexuals there, and all my friends told me that I should dress up. Having never experienced life "out"doors so to speak, I was very nervous at the idea, although I had been warming up to the idea of starting my RLT in August. So when I packed my suitcases, I put all my feminine stuff in with a few "guy" outfits too, just in case.
To sum up: my friend Gina gave me a makeover (first time anyone had seen me in makeup as well), and I put on my best female clothing and wore some enhancers to augment my flat chest, that I had bought from a lady in my support group who no longer needed them. I was so nervous that I was shaking as we stepped out of the hotel room. I remember feeling a thousand eyes on me, even though no one else was there.
We went to the festivities, and suddenly I felt very calm and at ease. The thoughts in my head were basically two things: 1, I don't live in this city, so what do I care what anyone else thinks, and 2, most of the other people here in this park are in the same boat as me, just asking for acceptance. They're not going to judge me. It was wonderful. I don't think I was anywhere near passable, but it didn't matter. I was out, and loving it.
The next day I dressed again. We were taken on a tour of the city, and out to lunch at a nice mexican restaurant. Once again, I felt surprisingly calm, despite being in an atmosphere of hundreds of people; families, co-workers, tourists, it didn't matter. I was with my friends, who supported me without question, in a city that I'll probably never actually live in so I didn't care if anyone had a problem with me.
Since then, I have moved on to yet another city to call home - I've moved away from the stifling conservative area that I called home for 24 of my 28 years, and I've resettled (almost) in a city in Florida, near my friend Gina. So far those have been the only two days that I have been "out" on the town, but they were wonderful days and I hope to continue the experience as soon as I can afford to go back on my hormones (not having a job kinda puts a kink in those plans).
My goals for starting RLT have been pushed back and I've been letting myself slip, unsure of the possibilities of getting a new job while "out." So I'm sort of reverting to a male state so I can establish income, and then see how it goes from there.
Oh and as for my icon - the little "doll" with no face image in my profile - it's going to be replaced soon. I've put a face on my identity and now I'm just waiting for the pictures to come back.
Posted at: July 14, 2006, 12:50:13 PM
And there's the new avatar pic - That was me a month ago, my first day being "out."
*giggles*
