Got read, OUCH

[MaggieB]

I got read today in a Staples office supply store. I was standing by a rack of DVD storage supplies and mulling over what to buy for our extensive DVD collection. After a while, I spotted a store clerk staring at me around the corner of the display. I glanced at him and went back to my deliberations. A few minutes later, I heard "Sir, ahhh, Sir" but didn't respond as I don't respond to that anymore and barely heard it anyway. I really didn't think it he was addressing me. Then I heard "ahhh, Ma'am" and I immediately turned to face the clerk. He said, "sorry" then asked me if I needed help. I said I didn't and he left. He clearly was watching me to see if I was shoplifting. It stung to be clocked like that. I was wearing my new knitted shell over a cream colored turtle neck top and jade necklace with matching dangle earrings. I was also wearing a dark green suede cloth jacket and dark teal slacks. I wore black flats as my shoes. So with full makeup long female style hair and glasses and all that I still got read. OUCH. Oddly, about ten minutes later, I was looking at binders in another part of the store when another clerk came over and immediately said "Need any help, Ma'am" so that made me feel better.

Maggie

[Nero]

Hmm That's weird, Maggie cause from your picture, I'dve never 'read' you. Are you very tall? Sometimes tall GGs are mistaken for men.

[sneakersjay]

That clerk was blind.  You look 100% female to me!!

Today buying my infamous socks I got a HON from a female customer who was at least 15 years younger than me.  Um, hello!  I've got gray hairs!!! 


I almost would have preferred Ma'am.  OUCH!

Jay

[sd]

It very well could have just been a mistake. It does happen.

[MaggieB]

Gosh, I'm blushing. What nice things to say!

I'm 5' 10" and big boned. I'm not much overweight but I am heavier than I should be. My beard is just about invisible so that wasn't it. I wonder if it was my behavior. I was opening up the packages and acting pretty much like I knew what I wanted. Women in this store do get the "she doesn't know diddly about tech" attitude.

I get the "dear" sometimes and it is what I now understand as a backhanded negative comment. Yes, it is female to female but most women get ticked being called "dear" or "hon" I'm too much in my "gosh I passed" phase to care much about that yet.

As for being a mistake, he did say "Ma'am" and "Sorry" so he at least ended up treating me as a woman. I suppose he did think in the end that I was a manly woman.

Maggie

[Nero]

Then he realized you were a woman and was probably embarrassed. This happens even to GGs. My sister is 5'2 and very feminine in appearance but when she got her hair cut short, she was sirred and she broke down crying afterwards. It happens.

Posted on: June 24, 2008, 08:28:04 PMOh and I ripped the waitress who sirred her a new one. It was an honest mistake but my sister was crying.

[sneakersjay]

My son has longer hair and always wears a hat of some sort; the one today has skulls on it (skater type hat).  We went to the titanic exhibit and they hand you a boarding pass with a passenger's name on it.  He fussed for a minute with mine and my daughter's and then handed us each a female name.  He was just about to hand my son a female one when my daughter said HE in reference to my son, and I saw the guy set the pass down and get one from the other pile.

At least I know I confused him for half a second on mine.  Better than nothing.

But my son gets she all the time because of his hair.  He just blows it off and says they're dumb, cuz he's wearing BOY CLOTHES.  I haven't seen many girls dress like he does, which is 100% skater dude.

Jay

[J.T.]

Yeah Maggie, I don't see it.  I bet it was just one of those moments 'cause the other worker didn't get it wrong and he corrected his mistake later.

[Janet_Girl]

Maggie,

It happens sometimes, but I agree, it was probably an honest mistake. Looking at your picture, I could not have even made that mistake.

Love,
Janet

[tekla]

I haven't seen many girls dress like he does, which is 100% skater dude.

The sk8ter girls here wear exactly the same bad fashion ideas as the boys do.  Its very hard to tell them apart.

[Lori]

Were you not hot? It's summer there right?

[Annwyn]

Oh and I ripped the waitress who sirred her a new one. It was an honest mistake but my sister was crying.

MY HERO

[MaggieB]

Were you not hot? It's summer there right?

I live right at the  coast of central California.  Summer temperatures here are about 50F and night and 60F during the day w fog till noon.  Sometimes, if the wind shifts from onshore to offshore, temps can skyrocket to the 100 degree mark which happened for a couple days last week. Mostly, it is sweater weather all year round. We dress in layers all the time.

I'm gonna have to take it as a mistake too. It was the first time in four months that something like it happened. I try really hard to pass and still have a some of self confidence issues. My SO wants me to go deep stealth. I am here in my new neighborhood so when I do think I am read it sends up a red flag that I need to take urgent action. I'm probably over reacting.

On the picture thing, that is me at my best, taken by a professional photographer. In person, I am ordinary looking and just as old looking as 56 should be. I pass a lot by my behavior and smiling a lot. When I am not smiling, I don't look as feminine.

Maggie

[Sandy]

Maggie:

Getting read is one of the things we have to live with.  The fact that the clerk had the absolute poor taste to call you out on it is his problem not yours.  If this clown had persisted in calling you by the wrong pronoun, he could have been fired.  You are the customer, after all, and if you are offended by the staff, then take it to the manager.

I've been read too many times to count and mostly what I get are the "looks".  On one or two occations I would get "Sir!... Ma'am." type of thing and a suppressed snicker.  And one occations was really terrifying (check my blog for "Look at him swish!")

What I'm getting at is that it wasn't you.  There is something that a person picks up on.  It may be in the face or bone structure.  Or it was just a hunch.  And as others have stated, even GG's get sir'ed on occasion.  Mostly on the phone.

Just remember that you are a woman and have always been a woman and have nothing to appologize for.

Those who are thoughtless or hurtful don't even deserve your pity.

-Sandy

[Kate]

The fact that the clerk had the absolute poor taste to call you out on it is his problem not yours.  If this clown had persisted in calling you by the wrong pronoun, he could have been fired.  You are the customer, after all, and if you are offended by the staff, then take it to the manager.

That's what I keep thinking. Even if he did figure out your birth sex, there was NO reason whatsoever to use male pronouns, as it was obvious you were there as Maggie. That's just nasty meanness on his part.

~Kate~

[NicholeW.]

After a while, I spotted a store clerk staring at me around the corner of the display. I glanced at him and went back to my deliberations. A few minutes later, I heard "Sir, ahhh, Sir" but didn't respond as I don't respond to that anymore and barely heard it anyway. ... Then I heard "ahhh, Ma'am" and I immediately turned to face the clerk. He said, "sorry" then asked me if I needed help. I said I didn't and he left. He clearly was watching me to see if I was shoplifting. It stung to be clocked like that. I was wearing my new knitted shell over a cream colored turtle neck top and jade necklace with matching dangle earrings. I was also wearing a dark green suede cloth jacket and dark teal slacks.

I wore black flats as my shoes. So with full makeup long female style hair and glasses and all that I still got read. OUCH. Oddly, about ten minutes later, I was looking at binders in another part of the store when another clerk came over and immediately said "Need any help, Ma'am" so that made me feel better.

OK, I've waited on this, because I think I may have a different take than what's been posted so far. Except this bit: Maggie  I'm sorry it hurt you.

BUT, to tell the truth, Maggie. I don't think you got clocked at all.

He was behind you and peering from behind a display. You were dressed in clothes that are simply uni-gendered and you're tall and older than he I would assume.

Then when he actually got around you he apologized and 'ma'amed' you and left, probably embarrassed at himself. Probably for thinking you may have been shoplifting, but definitely for thinking you were 'male.'

I imagine, having worked in retail years ago, that if he'd have really thought you were shoplifting he wouldn't have excused himself completely, but would have remained in the area. His embarassment at his original mis-gendering sent him fleeing.

So, I doubt he was a 'clown' at all.

I understand the emotional content behind your thoughts and those of Sandy and Kate quite well. But, I have also come to understand that many fewer people than we imagine mis-gender us. I think the majority of worries in things like that are our own senses that we might stand out somehow. So, every chance we get we decide we do or did.

I think you had one very embarrassed young sales clerk who fled from you -- not a 'clocker' at all.

Well, that's my read.

Sorry that it made you feel unsure and hurt. 

But, I think it was truly evidence that you do, indeed, blend.

Nichole