Love vs Companionship and Sex

[Nero]

Sex and companionship feels great, so why not settle for that instead of love?
I mean, it's great to feel wanted and to feel another's body against you, so does love really matter?
You need not love a person to enjoy them. So why not swear off love?
What is the point of love other than to make you miserable? Is it not weak to make yourself vulnerable to another?
Whereas you can enjoy sex and companionship without it, so why torture yourself with the L word?

[NicholeW.]

Hi, sweetie, I don't find the L-word torture.

Obviously some do.

Why I won't swear off of it to simply enjoy sex and closeness? Because the closeness and the sexual act itself for me takes on a meaning and an intensity that is of a higher-order when I experience it with my partner.

I have known the other side as well. For me, it is not anywhere nearly the same. It's more like having a spoon of ice-cream, a spoon of banana, a spoon of strawberry, a spoon of pineapple and a spoon of chocolate syrup for dessert, rather than having an orgasmic banana split with whipped-cream and a cherry! Even though I eat the second one a spoonful at a time.

For me, there's a huge difference. One of the heart.

Hugs,

Nichole

[Lisbeth]

Sex and companionship feels great, so why not settle for that instead of love?
I mean, it's great to feel wanted and to feel another's body against you, so does love really matter?
You need not love a person to enjoy them. So why not swear off love?
What is the point of love other than to make you miserable? Is it not weak to make yourself vulnerable to another?
Whereas you can enjoy sex and companionship without it, so why torture yourself with the L word?

Some people do that.  If you do, it is very important to be upfront and honest with your sexual partner(s) about what your expectations are.  If you have sex with someone who has different expectations than you do, you open yourselves up to conflict.  Granted, it's almost impossible not to have some differing expectations, but that should be reduced somewhat if you clearly communicate your own expectations.

All that being said, I can't do that.  I can't have an intimate relationship like that with someone without loving that person.  If that makes me weak and vulnerable, so be it.  I have made myself extremely vulnerable to Ellie, as anyone I have talked with about our struggles can attest.  But I would not trade that vulnerability for the world.  Loving, truly loving, someone is so much better than just sex.

And companionship by itself is a type of love, though a very quiet type.  The kind Golde and Tevye had in Matchmaker.  "Do I love him?  For twenty-five years I've lived with him, fought him, starved with him.  For twenty-five years my bed is his.  If that's not love, what is?"  "Then you love me?"  "I suppose I do."  "And I suppose I love you too."

Don't give up on love, Nero.

[tekla]

Hey as the old rock song goes, if you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with.


I don't find the L-word torture.
Like they say in AA, just always add the word "yet" to any sentence like this.

Love is great, but its not the be-all and end-all of life.  There are other things.  Like good sex.

[Lisbeth]

I don't find the L-word torture.
Like they say in AA, just always add the word "yet" to any sentence like this.

I can't count the number of times it's been torture for me, but I can't stop loving just because of that.  It's still better to have a broken heart than it is to have a dead one.

[tinkerbell]

so why torture yourself with the L word?

Because love is a word that describes an emotion which softens your being, and personally I cannot be truly happy with a guy I make my lifelong companion if I don't love him nor do I want to waste my life/energy/time having sex with a guy (who, perhaps, is also there for the heat of the moment) whom I don't love, but then again that is MY opinion and not a Tink's law of any sort!

Additionally, the dictionary description for love is:

A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

IMO, the most important word here is "oneness".  Yet sometimes I think that people get too focused/caught up on the way love is portrayed in Hollywood movies.  IOW they imagine it to be like that and sadly waste their entire lives trying to find the "word" love rather than the FEELING of love.  As I said on a previous thread: No one "finds love", love FINDS YOU, for love is like the rain; it takes you by surprise, without warning, and before you know it, there is nothing else that matters!

tink

[NicholeW.]

Hey as the old rock song goes, if you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with.


I don't find the L-word torture.
Like they say in AA, just always add the word "yet" to any sentence like this.

Love is great, but its not the be-all and end-all of life.  There are other things.  Like good sex.

The torture hasn't been torture, yet, Kat.  > But, I can always speak a word if it becomes that!! 

You should know by now that I am not one of those ultra-material folks!!  So, even though I think it's not a bad idea to plan on waiting awhile to discover it, I believe love IS the be-all and end-all of human life anyhow.  Of course, don't get the idea that I abhor sex either!!

The best of each is when you have both!! 



Nichole

[Lisbeth]

if i have love and companionship, i dont need the sex

Ya, I tend to agree with you.  But damn it's nice to have all three.

[Valentina]

I have no desire to sexually be with a creep that has put out a million times before for purely lustful reasons. Its meaningless. He'd be lucky if I even find him attractive.  If peeps didn't have love, they'd be cold & raw with nothing to look forward to.  I'd rather be weak & in love than cold & alone.

[Jeannette]

It's true as most of 90% of couples have been hurt from L's words. But only the courageous peeps can take up the challenge to be in loved rather than acting gutless just to enjoy sex & companionship without any commitment string. Eventually, nowadays, who can take up the challenge until the last of their breath without considering about ego & selfish?