facing others who knew you before

[Princess]

i just thought that i want to transition very soon. as soon as i turn 18, i want to transition. i'm wondering what should i do to handle people who knew me as a male. should i avoid them for the rest of my life? i don't think it's possible to avoid them for the rest of my life, because i'm still going to be with my parents, and if i'm seen with them, i'll get picked out. moving away isn't an option for me, because i won't be able to support myself. if there's anyone who faced someone that knew them as one gender, but suddenly showing up as the opposite. how did you learn to handle it, and how did they react?

[JonasCarminis]

ive ran into a few people from before, so far theyjust think i cut my hair.  sinceits summer now im in shorts and thirts instead of jeans and hoodies, so i dont think tey really noticed all of the style changes.  maybe people will just think you grew your hair out...?

[Lisbeth]

It's not possible to avoid people forever.  I've had the experience of people calling me by my old name repeatedly until I realised the were talking to me.

[lacitychick21]

should i avoid them for the rest of my life?

That's what I did. I couldn't face coming out to my old friends (I was soooo hypermasculine). So, to them, I dropped of the face of the world. I moved and shut off my phone. A few years later I would run into old friends, but by then I looked so different, they didn't recognize me.

I don't recommend how I went about doing it... I'm just sharing. Good luck.

[Kate]

if there's anyone who faced someone that knew them as one gender, but suddenly showing up as the opposite. how did you learn to handle it, and how did they react?

It happened to me throughout transition. I just told them "I'm changing my sex and my name is Kate now." They all basically said, "good for you Kate," and moved on to discuss other things. Seriously, that's about as dramatic as it ever got.

~Kate~

[kirakero]

Several hundred people knew when I came out, within a week or so.  In the end it was no big deal, just me having to correct them or briefly explain.  Out of all those people, only one family gave me trouble~  and I had the police escort them off the premises after I revoked their membership.

[fae_reborn]

should i avoid them for the rest of my life?

That's what I did. I couldn't face coming out to my old friends (I was soooo hypermasculine). So, to them, I dropped of the face of the world. I moved and shut off my phone. A few years later I would run into old friends, but by then I looked so different, they didn't recognize me.

I don't recommend how I went about doing it... I'm just sharing. Good luck.

The same thing happened to me, I had a group of friends I went to community college with, and as far as they're concerned I dropped off the face of the planet too.  Haven't spoken to them in 2 years.

I've run into a few people who knew me before, and they haven't recognized me.  Again, YMMV.

if there's anyone who faced someone that knew them as one gender, but suddenly showing up as the opposite. how did you learn to handle it, and how did they react?

It happened to me throughout transition. I just told them "I'm changing my sex and my name is Kate now." They all basically said, "good for you Kate," and moved on to discuss other things. Seriously, that's about as dramatic as it ever got.

~Kate~

Most people don't really care, they tend to accept it and move on.  Princess, I'm sure you probably think the world will come after you because of your change, but generally, most people don't mind and accept that you're making the change for a very good reason.  Those that do mind are the ones you need to watch out for, and if they're your friends and they have a problem with it, then I guess they weren't your friends to begin with, right?

Jenn

[Kelli]

My transition has been about facing myself, facing the world, facing all of the things that I've hidden from for so long. That's not to say that I don't have my days where I'd like to duck out from the world and run away. I ran away for 22 years of my life and the day that I started transition, if I were to have ANY kind of peace, I'd have to stop running.

I didn't neccessarily tell all of my friends and family immediately. I told people gradually. And ya know what? It eliminated some of the ones who aren't TRUE friends. I still have most of my friends today, a year after beginning my journey. I'm INCREDIBLY grateful that that's been my experience.

My point: We grow more as people when we face the world head on instead of running from it. YES, it hurts like hell. YES, people reject us. But in the end, the ones close to us know ALL of us. After so many years of not allowing anyone to TRULY know who we are, wouldn't it make sense that transition should be about being "us"?

[Northern Jane]

One approach (which is  sort of what I did way back before anybody have ever heard of "transition") is to drift gradually from guy through androgyny to girl and not say anything. The longer you can put off saying anything and the smoother your presentation, the more time people will have to adjust and to figure out what's going on without you (in apparent boy mode) tellings them.

[loaferspoons]

the first mtf woman I ever dated used to be my best male friend in high school.. so it isn't always awful to have contact with people who knew you before

[lacitychick21]

The same thing happened to me, I had a group of friends I went to community college with, and as far as they're concerned I dropped off the face of the planet too.  Haven't spoken to them in 2 years.

I've run into a few people who knew me before, and they haven't recognized me.  Again, YMMV.

WOOHOO!! For those of us who fell off the face of the planet!

Can I get a WOOT! WOOT!   

Coming out? PppPfffffffftttt

[Laura91]

* sees laci's WOOT WOOT!! and raises her an AWWWWWWW YEEEEEAH!!* 

[fae_reborn]

*Offers her own WOOT WOOT!* 

[Janet_Girl]

Princess,

While I have not run in that situation, personally.  I think that most people you know would just ask whats up.  You can then explain or say nothing much just me.  Kate's answer is the best.  Short, sweet and to the point.

I did run into an interesting incident today tho.  Two of the guys I work with wanted to know when they could starting calling me "Janet" or referring to me as 'she' or 'her'.  They both have seen my new drivers license with my new picture.  I told them that officially when the company and I come to an agreement.  But that they could start now if they wanted to, and that I did not care if it caused confusion among my fellow workers.  Most of the people in the store already know thru rumors, but most don't ask me questions.  I would tell them the truth.  It is the best policy to follow, IMHO.

Just be yourself!

Janet

[Sephirah]

I plan to move several thousand miles away before I start to transition. For two reasons:

1. The people who already know are there. The person I love is there, too.

2. At home, the people who know me have the emotional maturity of a perturbed carrot and the sensitivity of a training shoe. The hair-dresser I go to (less frequently now I'm growing my hair) is gay, and quite camp, and his establishment has been vandalised an immense amount of times. People in my particular Backwardsville view anyone different as coming straight from the Prince of Darkness' left nipple and they adopt the view of "what a deviant".

*sigh* It's quite frustrating, because I haven't ever really fitted in with anyone at home as it is, and have been viewed with suspicion due to my capacity for using language consisting of more than just monosyllabic words and primitive grunting noises.

So dealing with people who know me as externally male... that's all they'll ever know. And that suits me just fine.

[Terra]

i just thought that i want to transition very soon. as soon as i turn 18, i want to transition. i'm wondering what should i do to handle people who knew me as a male. should i avoid them for the rest of my life? i don't think it's possible to avoid them for the rest of my life, because i'm still going to be with my parents, and if i'm seen with them, i'll get picked out. moving away isn't an option for me, because i won't be able to support myself. if there's anyone who faced someone that knew them as one gender, but suddenly showing up as the opposite. how did you learn to handle it, and how did they react?

Well, i'm not sure how much my experience will help. I started HRT a year and a half before living as a woman. But here goes anyway.

Princess, I think it depends on how you do it. I go to college, and had to stay in the same small town between fall and spring semesters. I stayed with my family and worked at a local subway. This was the extent of my Christmas holiday. I left the dorms as a boy, and went back to the same dorms as a girl. No surgery, no anything besides getting my eyebrows waxed and a fresh haircut. The result was that nobody recognized me except for a significant few, these few kept it to themselves as far as I can tell.

Now of course there are the rumors, but rumors are not fact. Nobody knows for sure that i'm a boy, and are usually convinced i'm a girl. FYI i'm 6'4", wear 14 MENS, and wear a 14 dress. I think 4 is my lucky number.

Kate's solution worked on the few people who knew me and raised an eyebrow or two. But if you come back after a short break, and act like you have no doubt to your gender, (or bluff it really good like me ) then people will take you at face value for the most part. This is even if they know you, as the people in my dorm knew me for sure. I refuse to believe that everyone in this town is trans friendly, thus it means i'm accepted as a woman. At first I went with the twin sister bit, but dropped it when I realized that nobody could tell, more importantly, nobody cared. Like the saying goes, "If it quacks, looks, and acts like a duck then it must be a duck."

[Melissa]

In my experience, people just do not recognize you.  I'm an actress and have been in a couple musical productions since transitioning.  However, I did acting before transitioning as well and worked closely with certain people.  However, I've again worked close to these people in new productions and they had no idea I was the same person.  My attitude towards transitioning is: If someone figures it out, so what?  I didn't do anything wrong.  I hope you are able to realize that it's not as big of a deal as we make it out to be during transition.

[Mnemosyne]

I told my family and closest friends, it spread like wild fire. It's all good in the end.

[Terra]

some people act like transgender people are an insult, but an insult to what? there's a girl in my grade who acted like i was being a jerk because i told her about myself.

Quite seriously, it sometimes is jealousy. It does take a lot of courage and strength to go against the norm to the degree we do. Some people resent it because we are a constant reminder of their own fear, whatever it may be. People are weird. *shrugs*

[SarahFaceDoom]

Meh, my thing on it when i was coming out is that if it bothered them, they weren't friends anyways.  So I didn't stress.  And weirdly had no issues about it.  Everyone was way accepting.  But I've always been pretty well liked by people anyways, so I don't think anyone wanted to have an issue with it.