Anyone else perceive themselves to be tougher than they are?

[Elwood]

Are you certain? See, I happen to be an athiest.
I also happen to be queer. I also happen to like the House of Blues.
Do you know who happens to hang around the House of Blues?
Haters. But why do Haters happen to show up at the House of Blues,
An establishment that just happens to support Unity In Diversity?
Why, it is an almost ironic occasion that they-- why they--
would just happen to choose such an establishment?
That would be because their appearance just happens to be no coincidence.

People who are queer and out are always open to treachery.
To violence, to hate, to misunderstandings, to battles.
I have to be prepared not only to be hated by bigots,
But to also face the slings and arrows of men
With burning hearts and steaming fists.
Cisgendered men alike will often end up in struggles
Which seem for almost no reason at all.
It, apparently, is just part of being a man,
And that just happens to be who I am.

To run and scream and flail one's arms in the air
Is to take the weak approach and flee.
Many would think me a woman in a woman's body
Pretending to be a man who is pretending to be a woman.
That is not the path I would wish to take,
as I feel I am not pretending at all.
It would be reverse reverse reverse psychology
To pronounce myself as weak and effeminate.
I seek a body that matches my inner self,
And though my inner self be a runner,
My inner self also be one who stands his ground.

[tekla]

An establishment that just happens to support Unity In Diversity?

Oh come on, what HoB supports, like all corporate enterprises, is profits before people.  Perhaps the original HoB might have held true to some of that, but that was long before you were there.  Today, its a corporate franchise, owned by LiveNation, a spin-off of Clear Channel.  They book what sells, not what inspires or promotes any philosophy. Its bottom line, not highest calling.

So they take the money from anyone who shows up.  Just like any other bunch of corporate rock whores.

And, if you have to fight, its best to stand and do it rather than run and get caught which triggers all sorts of animal stuff.  Its best not to fight.  Most people do not (other than using lawyers).

And its not gay people, or trans people that suffer from treachery.  All people are at risk of it.  It touches all.  And gay people and trans persons are equally capable of being the people producing the treachery also.

[Elwood]

Silence.

That is what the marketing department supports. But the place has a theme. I'd think a skin head would want to spit on the flamboyantly painted walls of the place.

You really like to shoot me down, but you fail massively. Because I'll stand up until you beat me to death.

And I never said that ONLY gay people have trouble. But I have just another thing about me people are going to hate.

[tekla]

I just don't believe corporate slogans no matter how the walls are painted.  That's art direction, not art.  And running a club is business, in HoB case, very big business which is why Clear Channel bought them.  That's like rule two at Warton, if you can't beat the competition, buy them out.

[Elwood]

Except those "slogans" and "directions" are much older than the corporate reputation of the restaurant. So little do you know.

The place was bought, expanded, but didn't make any major changes. Plus, I've been visiting some of the older ones that were opened by their makers, not this new corporate face. Though I think San Diego and Anaheim locations aren't really... they weren't classic like the others I went to. I think they were either newer or just more corrupt.

[trannyboy]

We don't know what is posturing or dangerous. I worked with a client who would punch you out for touching him but wasn't dangerous. Once we got used to him we stopped. The new guy always got knocked out but then learned. The only time I got really injured there was nothing I could do. I stepped in to protect the van driver and the other client; it went from me between them to him pulling a can of oven spray out and getting me full in the face. I couldn't see right for weeks. It always the ones we don't think are dangerous that are.

Much more then 99% of the time I can talk calmly and be non-confrontational. It might be a while but buddy will calm down. I can play avoid the punch for a long time if need be. No matter how unstable or under the influence, most of the time non-violence will end the situation safely for everyone involved. It's like the cops in my area before crisis situations took a while to solve and it rarely ended in serious injury or death. Now that they have the non-lethal taser; situations on average take less time to resolve and are more likely to end in the death or injury. It takes a true negotiator to say I am have protected myself and others now lets talk this guy down.

My mentor once came across these guys hitting a girl in an alley. He is a pacifist and his response was to run between these people and say "I am not going to hit you but you will have to kill me before you hit her again." and the guys response was confusion and they left. My mentor wasn't sure what would have happened if they did attack him but he was prepared to stand up and that is often enough.

The times we need to defend ourself isn't that extreme, it is the guy at the bar who drank too much or a random attack. If they want your money it isn't worth the fight, period. If they are drunk it is easy to avoid their punches. If they start attacking you or some in your protection and you can't defend without hurting someone, then fight. Fight like this is your's or another's life because that is what it is. Thats what the guys here are talking about, right? That doesn't mean kicking a guy who gives up that means fighting until you have room to get away and getting away.

Of course Elwood, this isn't about you. If someone gets within reach and is trying to hurt you either go with the curl up and protect the soft spots approach or fight with everything you have and all the aggression you can muster. People are often scared off just by shouting. Draw attention to yourself and run like the wind.

When someone threatened to kill me and my service dog, my response was "thank you I am going to go and call the police now and I did. police took it from there. If there isn't another person in danger or a physical attack I am not going to fight. I am not even convinced that the fights I had before were justified. Sure I was being attacked but I could have stopped it without injuring them. I am not even convinced it is a good idea in defense of someone. We always hear "he did such and such first" and everyone feel justified in hurting someone.

In my experience, taking or avoiding a punch and standing there saying I am not fighting you has ended every fight I was in since I vowed non-violence. Sure I might have a black eye or a split lip but that is all WE have. Everyone has a reason to fight, but I don't know. I am not saying let your self be severely hurt or killed. Each of us have our line in the sand and I am unsure of my line. I have always defended someone being hurt. It has taken a while for me to be comfortable saying this. I won't fight back unless I am sure that the attack is more then anger and pain; and the person won't stop. I will only fight to the point I can get away. I would like to say I wouldn't fight period but I am not comfortable with that either. There are times when if you don't fight, you simply are a martyr. I am not sure if being a martry or fighting is the right choice, I guess it depends on the situation.

->-bleeped-<-boy

[Elwood]

I don't tend to start fights (in person, I am one hell of an arguer online). I am funny, charismatic, gentle, and really the "family man" when I'm in a group of people. I like to flatter myself and say I have a bit of a Steve Martin flavor when I'm in a good mood. It's hard to get pissed off at me because I give out smiles-- I live to give out smiles. But sometimes someone will be offended, or just be upset because I am so happy. But will they beat me for it? Well, no one has yet. Maybe if I'm still a cheerful performer when I'm older I'll eventually get punched for making someone's girlfriend laugh.

My best method of escape is climbing. Big strong guys can't scale a building like I can. Worst case scenario, they pull out a gun. If that happens, I'm probably going to be dead.

If someone threatened to kill me and I told them, "I'm calling the police now," they'd rip the phone out of my hand (or my arm off) and beat me with it. You seem to sponge in stories that don't really make sense.

[Lachlann]

I think ->-bleeped-<-boy and Elwood are both right.

These occasions don't happen very often. And I bet they are even less likely to happen in smaller cities or towns. I'll probably be moving to a bigger city, and while my country isn't a violent one, I have seen people fight over stupid things on the streets and most civilians have to steer away from it in one of the largest cities. There are many situations where you can easily walk away or avoid it, like steering clear of the situation or staying away from a fight that has broken out. Getting caught in a murder is probably rare, or even someone approaching you with a knife. Remember, not all weapons are guns... many people still utilize weapons that don't require bullets such as baseball bats, crowbars, knives and various other items that can be used as weapons. There are many countries with strict gun laws where people will use something else thats deadly, like a knife. Remember the stabbing a few weeks back in Japan? The guy went insane, stabbed a bunch of innocent people on the street and then committed suicide.

But how often do these things occur? Not very often. Which is a good thing!

However, I still want to be prepared for anything. These situations may never happen to me in my life time, but theres no shame in me learning how to defend myself and how to disable someone without causing much harm. I don't want to be the person to say, "you never think it'll happen to you." and I acknowledge that it never may happen at all. Life is unpredictable, I just want to make sure I'm prepared for as much as I can be for its little surprises.

[tekla]

I was over fifty, with a doctorate, two years working as an intern in a major forensics lab before I ever saw anyone get killed in front of me.  Then I saw three (two by guns, one by knife) in about two and a half years.

And most fights I've ever seen happen last all of one punch.

the question is not are you tough, but as Stevie Ray Vaughan asked, "are you tough enough?"