Dear Deniz,
I know that you are hurting, and your resolve not to tell George and your reasons for that, are very good. Some can fault, perhaps; I'm not one of them in this case. You will protect his innocence and his pride. Those are good things to do, I think.
You know your culture and we do not. You take the better part.
But, luv, please look after yourself, dear. 120lbs seems a bit underweight. Even if it is a dream weight, to lose all you have in such a short time just doesn't seem the best thing for you to do for your own health.
Someone once said "Did I become a woman to develop an eating disorder and perhaps die?" The goal, if one has that, seems to me to defeat the purpose of the entire process of transsexing.
Please find something that will sustain you.
I can only imagine your pain and lonliness right now. I feel for you and if I could would find something to place in your heart that would soothe it. I cannot. But, you are important and have been vibrant, relishing life. If you allow yourself to live that vibrance and relish will return.
I imagine you as being much too strong to give up yourself, give up all of your dreams for the sake of one that failed to come to pass.
I also cannot say to you, "O, there are other men." No one wants to hear that in the situation you find yourself. And, for you, there will never be another George. *sigh* But, there is still life and the hope of contentment and peace for yourself. Do not, please, cast those away lightly from yourself.
You and I may never meet. Never actually see and speak with one another. But, even if that remains always true, I think I shall not forget you for a long, long time.
I find on these threads a woman with heart and with goodness and compassion and intensity. Our world could use those traits to good advantage, my dear. You make now, and will make, the world a better, easier place to live in; just find a way to maintain your virtues and allow them the chance to grow and thrive.
My respect and my care,
Nichole
