I don't want to lose my guy friends

[Gracie Faise]

With hormones comes a growing rift between me an the male species. I've noticed this a little with my close guy friends. Maybe it is just because I have been sulky and moody lately but I feel like I may be drifting away from my guy friends and I absolutely hate it. One of them has been my best friend since 4th grade, nearly 10 years, and I don't want to lose any friendship connectivity with him! He's like, ALWAYS been there for me and I him. If we just... lost touch or started to fail to understand each other I don't know what I would do.

There is a big chance that this is all just in my head so maybe this is all pointless to worry, but just in future thought then, how to prevent drifting from friends of the opposite gender.

[LynnER]

HRT started a rift with my band mates I thought Id never repair...

Full time turned that rift into a chasm... were still friends, <Kinda> But the friendship has to evolve and change with you or it will be broken...

One of my band mates we had to let go over everything... <good riddance to bad rubbish> One is far more distant than I like, but we can still talk... but its obvious were no longer best friends... One I was never that close with... but hes not a real issue... and the final one, Is now one of my best friends and like a big bother to me

The issues came from my inability to be "one of the guys" anymore... and there inability to understand and accept that.....

Try to get things rolling to evolve... or hope they can see past your changes...

[Mister]

i had the same fears.

I've learned that if I try and be as consistently 'me' as possible, despite the change in packaging, my relationships haven't changed much.

Men find me indispensable since I 'used to be' female (and therefore know what their girlfriends want for valentine's day), but still accept me as one of the guys (maybe it's the belly hair?).

Women think I have some sort of miracle insight on men, all while still understanding their perspectives (and agreeing with them, of course!), and have been called upon many, many times for boyfriend advise.

[Gracie Faise]

i had the same fears.

I've learned that if I try and be as consistently 'me' as possible, despite the change in packaging, my relationships haven't changed much.

Men find me indispensable since I 'used to be' female (and therefore know what their girlfriends want for valentine's day), but still accept me as one of the guys (maybe it's the belly hair?).

Women think I have some sort of miracle insight on men, all while still understanding their perspectives (and agreeing with them, of course!), and have been called upon many, many times for boyfriend advise.

ahhh nice. i get asked for boyfriend/girlfriend advice too.

[Lachlann]

I'm not on hormones, so I don't know much about how the hormones would effect you or the experiences that you're having... plus, if I were on hormones, I'd wager theres a world of a difference in many ways between T and Estrogen.

I've personally been able to relate to both worlds fairly easily, I've just kind of been able to weasel myself into both settings and relate with both genders. I'd imagine it'd be easier to go through it all if you were/are like that. Some of it might just be in peoples heads, now that theres a definite change, people might be acting accordingly.

Its just a shot in the dark, but between the two genders, do you relate to both with ease or do you have a lean toward relating with males easier?

I don't see why your relationship has to drift away. I've had both friends from both 'worlds' so to speak, but of course... I don't know if the hormones would somehow effect that.

[lady amarant]

Same situation. I've never had many guy friends, but one I've known since primary-school, and we've always been best friends. But since this all started, he's grown increasingly distant, especially since I started presenting androgynous, and more recently finally went FT. He insists he can't really notice physical changes in me, which he might not, consciously, but he's clearly uncomfortable around me whenever we are out in public or even just in private with other people, so yeah ... sigh. 

I love him to bits, and wish he'd want to come along, but I can't force him.

~Simone.

[Gracie Faise]

Same situation. I've never had many guy friends, but one I've known since primary-school, and we've always been best friends. But since this all started, he's grown increasingly distant, especially since I started presenting androgynous, and more recently finally went FT. He insists he can't really notice physical changes in me, which he might not, consciously, but he's clearly uncomfortable around me whenever we are out in public or even just in private with other people, so yeah ... sigh. 

I love him to bits, and wish he'd want to come along, but I can't force him.

~Simone.

Well no its not like that. My friend was the first i came out to and he INSTANTLY accepted and supported me. It's just. Iunno. I think im getting clingy and annoying or something. Maybe it is both of us? Not sure.

[lady amarant]

Sorry honey - I misunderstood your original post. 

Hugs,

~Simone.

[Veerle]

It sure is a shame if you would loose your friendship with him.

But friendships tend to change over years anyway, even without the hormones, acceptance, the hassle over transition, etc.
I had many friendships over the years, and they usually slowly evolved. Sometimes they came to an abrupt end and sometimes we slowly drifted apart. It's just part of life in my honest opinion.
And like said before, he might doesn't feel "connected" with you anymore, because now you're slowly transitioning....
Btw, hormones tend to put pressure on any type of relation/friendship, because it "changes" you a bit emotionally and so on, it's the reason i still don't take them. I don't want to risk to lose the support of my mother for example, she had seen me getting through puberty once, twice could be to much.

[Purple Pimp]

Same situation. I've never had many guy friends, but one I've known since primary-school, and we've always been best friends. But since this all started, he's grown increasingly distant, especially since I started presenting androgynous, and more recently finally went FT. He insists he can't really notice physical changes in me, which he might not, consciously, but he's clearly uncomfortable around me whenever we are out in public or even just in private with other people, so yeah ... sigh. 

I noticed this, too, when I went FT.  As hormones begin to work their "magic," you will begin to pass at the grocery store, at the mall, in public, generally.  People who've never seen you before.  The people who've always known you, though, will not notice these gradual changes and oftentimes still view you as your original gender, even using the old pronouns and name in public (much to the confusion of others).  Giving people time helps a lot.  My father, who has been excellent in my transition, used to refuse to introduce me to others as his daughter because he just couldn't see me as female.  Nowadays it doesn't seem to be an issue.

Lia

[bethzerosix]

my best friend (from the fourth grade till now...27yrs ) was really awesome when i came out to him last december...but as i have been changing he has become more distant. i was suprised when he said that he never suspected. i was sure everyone at least thought i was gay...  i hope that you can stay friends. i know that my best friend's friendship is one of my most prized possessions. 

[Victoria L.]

I'm already drifting away from my guy friends... It's not because of hormones (like I have access to those. T_T) it's because I really don't feel like I'm comfortable around them and that I am not being anywhere near myself when I'm around them.

I spent today with them and it was a terrible day. It wasn't their fault at all, but it showed to me just how I am not myself around them!

This has probably become apparent to me because I found a real friend who accepts me for the girl I really am. I spent the 5th of July (for a 4th of July celebration. lol) with her and it was one of the best days I've had, ever! So... going back to them and realizing how different and uncomfortable I am around them tells me I'm drifting...

[Eva Marie]

I think that you have to look at each side of the friendship. From the viewpoint of the person transitioning i'd guess that the friends still look and act pretty much as they always have. From the viewpoint of the friends of the individual that is transitioning, there are some major changes taking place in someone that they have known for years, both physical and emotional. I'm thinking that to your friends your changes might be uncomfortable to them, and that they are not sure how to deal with the "new you", and they may be feeling the loss of "common ground". This might be what you are sensing. For example, perhaps (and i'm just speculating here) some of them may even now be finding you attractive (judging from the pictures that i've seen), and that would probably cause an uncomfortable situation for them.

[Kate]

With hormones comes a growing rift between me an the male species. I've noticed this a little with my close guy friends. Maybe it is just because I have been sulky and moody lately but I feel like I may be drifting away from my guy friends and I absolutely hate it...

It can vary...

My best guy friend of like 30 years is totally cool with it all... BUT, one thing I laugh at is he always reverts back to male pronouns whenever we do something we did "as guys" before, like when I shoot, stomp or otherwise hurt him badly when playing Halo, lol. It used to bug me, but I really don't care anymore. I'm Kate and Her and She in every other instance... it's just those memories and that association aren't gonna die. Especially when I'm running over him with the Tank.

But we're still good friends, and perfectly relaxed around one another still. He's sweeter with me than before, but mostly you'd never realize I transitioned by watching us together. We were friends before, and we're friends now... a little thing like changing my sex doesn't matter much apparently. Like I said elsewhere, it seems my sex is kinda irrelevant to the people in my life, lol.

One thing I noticed though... back when I was male, the guys at work would *always* touch me somehow. You know, a hand on the shoulder or arm, a hand resting on the back... the usual friendly reassurance or "atta boy!" kinda thing. But now, they won't touch me, lol. They're not uncomfortable around me in the slightest, but I guess that sorta thing isn't quite appropriate anymore, I dunno.

~Kate~

[Alyssa M.]

Especially when I'm running over him with the Tank.

Thanks, Kate. I needed a laugh.

--

Gracie, one thing to note is that it gets better with age. When you're 10, the gender of your friends definitely matters. At your age, not so much. It just gets less and less important as time goes on. But as others said, drifting apart is what happens to so many friends so often.

"Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together left each other one by one on the road to fairer weather." - Emily Sailers