Made to dress boyish for my big brother's wedding

[Laura91]

lastly my mother went nuts with the male pronouns again, so pretty much every old would was busted open in about 2 hours... Meh.

I can relate to that. My mom used to virtually beat me senseless with the male pronouns. I ended up confronting her twice about this. The first time worked for about two days, and the next time I just broke down crying because it bothered me so much that she wouldn't stop it. Now, she SEEMS to be coming around.

[TreeFlower]

For events like this you could try something androgynous.  I did that for a year or so while transitioning.  It seemed to ease everyone into the change.  Not a big shock for them or me when I went full time.

On a related note, I don't get invited to family events anymore.  I wasn't even invited by my dad to my mom's funeral.  No big deal.  One down & one to go.  Then I get my inheritance.

Hey, parents!  See what happens when you don't support your children.  They do the happy dance when you die.

[Gracie Faise]

For events like this you could try something androgynous.  I did that for a year or so while transitioning.  It seemed to ease everyone into the change.  Not a big shock for them or me when I went full time.

On a related note, I don't get invited to family events anymore.  I wasn't even invited by my dad to my mom's funeral.  No big deal.  One down & one to go.  Then I get my inheritance.

Hey, parents!  See what happens when you don't support your children.  They do the happy dance when you die.

Bleck. I dressed andro for years before I came out. That'd be a big step backwards for me. The clothes I wore were still women's clothing, it just hid my feminine figure and made me match the men more than the women. It's why I had to wear it, not what I had to wear.

[Hypatia]

No big deal.  One down & one to go.  Then I get my inheritance.

Hey, parents!  See what happens when you don't support your children.  They do the happy dance when you die.

That's cold!

hee hee

Actually, if I could grow an attitude like that it would help me a lot to deal with the family situation.

They pretty much missed my androgynous phase because I live hundreds of miles away. I visited one Christmastime when I was very androgynous, and everyone carefully pretended they hadn't noticed anything different. Now that I'm transitioned to full time, I'm banished from there. Fine. You want to play hardball? I'm playing for keeps.

[glendagladwitch]

Wow, you are waaaaaaay more tolerant then I am. How did you brother feel about it? I'm not sure if I would have pitched a fit or simply left but there is no way I'd have let her make me feel like that. But then I guess I've become much more likley to stand my ground in recent years. Funny how being yourself makes you want to stand up for yourself. I never really thought of that until looking at your post. Thanks.


ttfn: Holly

It hasn't even been a year since I came out, so everything is still so fresh. Not to mention I am still dependent on my family. I'm pretty passive too. I just let it slide for now. But after a year or so I won't permit anything

I did not put up with that sort of thing from my family.  And now it's been 15 years since we've spoken.

I applaud your tolerance.  If at all possible, I suggest that you do whatever you can to keep the lines of communication open, even if your Mom only bought that blouse to manipulate you into wearing slacks instead of a dress so she could whip out the Hawaiin shirt at the last minute.

[Gracie Faise]

Wow, you are waaaaaaay more tolerant then I am. How did you brother feel about it? I'm not sure if I would have pitched a fit or simply left but there is no way I'd have let her make me feel like that. But then I guess I've become much more likley to stand my ground in recent years. Funny how being yourself makes you want to stand up for yourself. I never really thought of that until looking at your post. Thanks.


ttfn: Holly

It hasn't even been a year since I came out, so everything is still so fresh. Not to mention I am still dependent on my family. I'm pretty passive too. I just let it slide for now. But after a year or so I won't permit anything

I did not put up with that sort of thing from my family.  And now it's been 15 years since we've spoken.

I applaud your tolerance.  If at all possible, I suggest that you do whatever you can to keep the lines of communication open, even if your Mom only bought that blouse to manipulate you into wearing slacks instead of a dress so she could whip out the Hawaiin shirt at the last minute.

Naw, my mother isn't manipulative like that. I honestly think that she got last-minute panics and switched out with the other shirt. And yes I am trying to keep close to my family, as we are all very close and get together many times a year.

[jenny_]

Ahhh Gracie, hugs.  Your mum sounds like she's handling it kinda similarly to mine.  She didn't like me being TS, thought it would reflect badly on her, and just wasn't comfortable with it or with people finding out.  But she still loved me and didn't want to lose me, so she tried to be supportive even if not all the time.

But its that second part that is really important, she didn't want to loose our relationship any more than i did.  And she didn't want her or me to have to face those situations that she was insecure about, but she was able to handle them when forced to face them.  I don't mean that you should just ignore how she's feeling about who you are, or rush her to come to terms with it.  But if theres insecurities that she doesn't want to face, then a little nudge from you perhaps would help?

I think your really sweet giving her so much time to adjust, but from what you've said, your mum still loves you and isn't about to disown you.  Maybe you could push the boundaries a bit?  Let her know that you respect that she's feeling insecure, but that theres limits as to how boyish you're prepared to be for her.
My mum still asks me to not dress too femininely around relatives who have only just found out, but after seeing that all her worries about what could happen, didn't happen, she's been a lot more supportive.  And she doesn't ask me to do anything that she knows makes me feel very uncomfortable any more.

And I really love your avator, i'm so jealous!
hugs
jenny x x