So how do you know...?

[Lachlann]

I would make a response to everything right here but, I'd take forever and a day for me.

I always thought Beanie babies were gender neutral. But I went straight to action figures and things like that. I think the only time I did something that could be considered feminine, was me liking some 'girly' music or ballroom.

But about the creating comics, stories and characters thing... same thing here. Heck, I still RP online and all my online friends think I'm a cisgender male. For a while I felt guilty like I was lying to them, but then I realized that I wasn't lying about being male. I am male, I'm just not physically there yet and thank goodness I look androgynous enough, without much effort, so I can pass in some of my photos. I'll tell them about me being transgendered when I'm ready, just not now.

And about  the shorter girl remark and all that... I don't know what it is, but I find myself even more attracted to a girl if shes short.

I'm totally with you guys on the suit and tuxedo thing. I wouldn't mind dressing up if I didn't have to be stuck in a dumb dress.

[trapthavok]

Dude! As far as "girly" things, I'm one of the few guys who likes musicals I only ever knew one other guy in my life who liked them too, but he wasn't as obsessed with them as I am, they're my favorite movie genre and I always put the music from them on my iPod.

I'll probably go back to RPing online when I stop being lazy about all the typing required and the amount of time it takes out of my day. And hey, you tell your friends when you're ready, not a moment before. I felt guilty like I was lying to the girls online too, but in my first experience of "pretending" to be a guy, I think I told them and they stopped talking to me. Guilt abborted.

I like short girls too, seeing as I'm a short guy If they're shorter than me? Awesome!

[Lachlann]

Haha, musicals are awesome! I guess I can add that onto the list.

You should totally hit me up when you get back into it. It'd be nice to RP with someone else who is FTM and all that. But you know, I think it'd be different if you explained that you were transgendered rather than 'pretending', but at that time you wouldn't have known. I think it'd make a world of a difference and I think my friends are understanding enough. I've brought the topic of transgendered people before and they seemed to be ok with it, so I guess when I come out to them it'll be easier.

Somehow, when they get shorter than you, they get a lot more hot. 

[DRAIN]

WOW, Elwood, trapthavok, its good to know others are on the fence about this too. For me, its like sometimes i say to myself "hell yeah, i'm a guy" and other times i say "I think I'm ok in this body". As a kid I don't remember wanting to wake up a boy or even really paying attention to genitalia (but I was pretty sheltered  ). I DO remember pretending to shave with a popsicle stick though LOL, probably around age 5.

It was middle school when I tried to look more girly, though I didn't dress sexy or anything. Bad bad memories from that time, and I'm not even sure why - the only thing I can think of was that I was trying to be something I wasn't (gender only being part of that equation). Even through high school I was really shy. I also had a tendency to get obsessed with fictional characters (always male) and be kinda sad or annoyed when i knew that I couldn't be like them. Heck, I still do that sometimes.

After high school, I also started online roleplaying and played various male characters, until one sort of developed himself out of my personality, which is actually my username here as well. It just felt so right, like I knew what it would be like to be male, etc. I should have realized something then, but I didn't think much of it.

My ex gf volunteered for Pride a lot, so she sort of introduced me to the idea of TS, genderqueer, etc and since then I've been trying to figure myself out. my gender ID is androgynous to male, and I don't see that changing if i do end up transitioning. Ever since I can remember, when i think of myself in the future, I see myself as male, too , and correct myself. I....have completely forgotten the point of this post.

I guess in response to "how do you know...?" I don't. I'd like to find out and I guess I'm on the right track to do that (should still get my butt into therapy though). I keep asking myself things like why not just be butch? Why not do everything you want anyway and be a good role model for some little girl? what if god/universe/spirit/fate/karma/whatever put your male-ish spirit in this body as a learning experience? What if being on Susan's so much is making you think about it too much? Will superman be able to fight off the hordes of evil axe-weilding mutant chipmunks from Excelon 5?!

you know, the usual.

there was probably a lot more i was going to say in this, but i forgot.

(this pointless post brought to you by Drain Needs Therapy™)

[trapthavok]

WOW, Elwood, trapthavok, its good to know others are on the fence about this too. For me, its like sometimes i say to myself "hell yeah, i'm a guy" and other times i say "I think I'm ok in this body". As a kid I don't remember wanting to wake up a boy or even really paying attention to genitalia (but I was pretty sheltered  ). I DO remember pretending to shave with a popsicle stick though LOL, probably around age 5.

It was middle school when I tried to look more girly, though I didn't dress sexy or anything. Bad bad memories from that time, and I'm not even sure why - the only thing I can think of was that I was trying to be something I wasn't (gender only being part of that equation). Even through high school I was really shy. I also had a tendency to get obsessed with fictional characters (always male) and be kinda sad or annoyed when i knew that I couldn't be like them. Heck, I still do that sometimes.

After high school, I also started online roleplaying and played various male characters, until one sort of developed himself out of my personality, which is actually my username here as well. It just felt so right, like I knew what it would be like to be male, etc. I should have realized something then, but I didn't think much of it.

My ex gf volunteered for Pride a lot, so she sort of introduced me to the idea of TS, genderqueer, etc and since then I've been trying to figure myself out. my gender ID is androgynous to male, and I don't see that changing if i do end up transitioning. Ever since I can remember, when i think of myself in the future, I see myself as male, too , and correct myself. I....have completely forgotten the point of this post.

I guess in response to "how do you know...?" I don't. I'd like to find out and I guess I'm on the right track to do that (should still get my butt into therapy though). I keep asking myself things like why not just be butch? Why not do everything you want anyway and be a good role model for some little girl? what if god/universe/spirit/fate/karma/whatever put your male-ish spirit in this body as a learning experience? What if being on Susan's so much is making you think about it too much? Will superman be able to fight off the hordes of evil axe-weilding mutant chipmunks from Excelon 5?!

you know, the usual.

there was probably a lot more i was going to say in this, but i forgot.

(this pointless post brought to you by Drain Needs Therapy™)

Thanks for the post DRAIN! Haha your post was both amusing AND helpful, despite what you may think. It's always great to know there's other guys out there doubting themselves, even with all the evidence piled against their doubts.

And that's pretty cool about your roleplaying character. Each one I ever made had at least a little bit of me in them, but different bits of my persona. And I know what you mean by it feeling right. I "passed for male" when I was roleplaying as all these characters and I felt like I really knew what I was doing, like it was natural. I should have realized something then too, even when I used to wish I was a character I had created, mind and body (which happened a lot) instead of just playing as them.

[sneakersjay]

And that's pretty cool about your roleplaying character. Each one I ever made had at least a little bit of me in them, but different bits of my persona. And I know what you mean by it feeling right. I "passed for male" when I was roleplaying as all these characters and I felt like I really knew what I was doing, like it was natural. I should have realized something then too, even when I used to wish I was a character I had created, mind and body (which happened a lot) instead of just playing as them.

I haven't role played, but I write novels (unpublishable, but novels anyway) with a male protagonist.  Before I realized my issues, I used to joke that I must have been male in another life.  Little did I know... LOL.

Jay

[Elwood]

->-bleeped-<-... About 5 or 6 years ago I joined Sailormoon.com. My account name was Jason and I'd pose as a guy. What's weird is that at the time I had no real shame in it, I didn't think it was weird. Now I look back and I say, "I was so deep in my gender identity, I didn't even realize I was doing it."

As for some of the other posts on page 1, I'll definitely take pictures if/when I get suspenders/sock guarders. Haha. And I don't hate ya, Havok, for not having seen The Blues Brothers. If/when you see it, you'll either love it or hate it. But I think it's worth seeing as it's a cult classic.

To get more onto the current topics, I am very into musicals. I am very much obsessed with The Producers right now. I absolutely love it. I can really relate to Leo Bloom's character, you know? Haha.

WOW, Elwood, trapthavok, its good to know others are on the fence about this too. For me, its like sometimes i say to myself "hell yeah, i'm a guy" and other times i say "I think I'm ok in this body". As a kid I don't remember wanting to wake up a boy or even really paying attention to genitalia (but I was pretty sheltered  ). I DO remember pretending to shave with a popsicle stick though LOL, probably around age 5.

Lol. I never pretended to shave or anything. The whole idea horrified me before I tried it. The day I tried it, I had to reassure myself, "I'm JUST seeing what it's like... okay? I wouldn't be the first female to ever see what it's LIKE..." Yeah, I am a guy, but I'm in a female body, and sometimes I just wonder if shaving is "over compensating." But it really isn't. Removing the peach fuzz gives a more masculine look... And it feels pretty, haha. I seriously can't wait to go to Southern California and let Mary feel my face. She'll think it's hilarious. (Mary's a good friend of mine.)

It was middle school when I tried to look more girly, though I didn't dress sexy or anything. Bad bad memories from that time, and I'm not even sure why - the only thing I can think of was that I was trying to be something I wasn't (gender only being part of that equation). Even through high school I was really shy. I also had a tendency to get obsessed with fictional characters (always male) and be kinda sad or annoyed when i knew that I couldn't be like them. Heck, I still do that sometimes.

I went through the exact same phase, except I wanted to be a slut. Not sexually, but I wanted to look like one, you know? I thought if I was a total diva, I wouldn't want to be a boy anymore. I'd know what it was like to "enjoy womanhood." After all, "Girls just wanna have fun."

As for male characters, I'm still obsessed. I aspire not to be the character, though. I want to be like the actor, able to portray colorful, three-dimensional characters on screen with charm and variety.

I guess in response to "how do you know...?" I don't. I'd like to find out and I guess I'm on the right track to do that (should still get my butt into therapy though). I keep asking myself things like why not just be butch? Why not do everything you want anyway and be a good role model for some little girl? what if god/universe/spirit/fate/karma/whatever put your male-ish spirit in this body as a learning experience? What if being on Susan's so much is making you think about it too much? Will superman be able to fight off the hordes of evil axe-weilding mutant chipmunks from Excelon 5?!

Being butch isn't good enough if you're a man. You don't have to transition MEDICALLY (no one's saying T is right for you) but if you're a man, you're probably going to want to be acknowledged as one, you know? I originally thought I could settle with "dyke" too but I realized that I'd be hardly any different than Ellen DeGeneres, a very funny, charming comedian who is a femme butchy kind of lesbian girl. She's amazing. But she's a she. I'm a he. That's really the thing that makes us different.

Man, I love Ellen. She's so cool... haha.

Nice to hear from you, Drain. Don't think I've seen you before.

[DRAIN]

thanks . I stick the the chat for the most part.

[Lachlann]

Oh snap, Elwood, I was big into Sailor moon too... actually I still am. I kind of grew out of anime and I don't really go searching for it anymore, but I've never lost my interest in Sailor moon.

Its really is funny though, when you get real deep into your true identity that you don't even realize what you've done. It doesn't seem like lies or deceit, and in a way, they really aren't lies at all. Except for making things up about it, which I don't do anymore... I hate lying. I just act naturally, I don't need anything extra to prove I'm masculine.

And Drain, about the Popsicle stick thing, I used to do that in the bath tub with bubbles. I'd make a beard and pretend to shave.

[Elwood]

I grew out of anime sometime last year. But I'll always love the classics. Sailor Moon, Lupin III, Project Ako, The Guyver, etc.

It's so weird. I didn't even realize it until just then, when I was typing that post. I remembered that for many months I "pretended" to be a guy named Jason. I really need to tell my therapist about that! I was cross dressing and "pretending" to be a boy for much longer than I thought.

[trapthavok]

I remembered being into Sailor Moon. My favorite character was Tuxedo Mask (surprise surprise). I stopped watching anime a couple of years ago, it just got to be an irritating fad and all the animes I used to watch got boring to me.

It's so weird. I didn't even realize it until just then, when I was typing that post. I remembered that for many months I "pretended" to be a guy named Jason. I really need to tell my therapist about that! I was cross dressing and "pretending" to be a boy for much longer than I thought.

In kindergarten I always signed my name as (Name) Max (Last Name). Though I feel like I've said that somewhere before. I just kept insisting that my middle name was max, even though it's not. Then when I was a little older and learned about reincarnation for the first time, I hoped that if it were real I'd come back in the next life as a boy.

[Elwood]

I liked them all, to be honest.

And I of course was impressed that Uranus could change into a man whenever she/he wanted.

As for reincarnation, I won't depend on it. I intend on being a man in this life.

[Lachlann]

I personally liked Neptune because I had a lot in common with her... but I also felt like I had a few things in common with Uranus. I like them as a couple. If I were meant to be a 'woman', I'd probably be something like her. Its kind of weird to say that because of my physical appearance, but I think you guys get what I mean.

Uranus didn't actually physically change, but she was a bit of a cross dresser and people would mistake her for a male. In some dubs, they made it so she 'changed.' because they didn't want a homosexual relationship between Neptune and Uranus shown in their countries. Its funny how much they censored that.

I'm with Elwood on the reincarnation thing, but for me its heaven. In heaven I know I'll be male and everything will be better, but I want surgery in this life. If a bone is broken, fix it! Thats my take anyway.

[Elwood]

I don't have anything in common with any of the characters...  I guess I have Mars' temper.

I thought Uranus did physically change in the manga... I could be wrong, though. It's been a long time.

Man, I don't even believe in any of that religious stuff. No heaven or anything for me. When I die, it's lights out for me.

[Lachlann]

Nah, she was even less butch in the manga. It was the starlights that changed in the anime.

[kestin]

Yeah the relationship is about more than sex but sex is an important part too Wink I've always looked at guys with more of a jealous type of stare, and just confused it with an "I'm attracted to them" feeling. I thought I was bi for a while, only because I couldn't accept being different. But I realized I just want to be friends with guys, and all my staring at them is just wishing I could look like that. I've always been attracted to girls but denied it or not understood my feelings, but I'm over that now.

THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED WITH ME! lol, man that was an annoying period in my life -_- *raises hand* Mad love for the Musicals also! XD I keep playing 'Wicked' on repeat. Gelphie is WIN.

Uranus/Haruka, was always a girl, she just passed as a guy all the time :3 Some of the other translations, like the French one I think, made her a guy so that it was more okay for her to be with Mercury/Michiru.

[Elwood]

Oh, okay. That's why I'm confused. I've read/watched Sailor Moon in several languages. I used to watch it en Español und Deutsch.

[trapthavok]

Yeah the relationship is about more than sex but sex is an important part too Wink I've always looked at guys with more of a jealous type of stare, and just confused it with an "I'm attracted to them" feeling. I thought I was bi for a while, only because I couldn't accept being different. But I realized I just want to be friends with guys, and all my staring at them is just wishing I could look like that. I've always been attracted to girls but denied it or not understood my feelings, but I'm over that now.

THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED WITH ME! lol, man that was an annoying period in my life -_- *raises hand* Mad love for the Musicals also! XD I keep playing 'Wicked' on repeat. Gelphie is WIN.

Uranus/Haruka, was always a girl, she just passed as a guy all the time :3 Some of the other translations, like the French one I think, made her a guy so that it was more okay for her to be with Mercury/Michiru.

Haha, I agree, it was annoying cause I couldn't understand the mixed signals in my brain. I wanted to see Wicked I was in Chicago and everything too....

I only saw the English dubbed version and they passed Uranus off as a guy or something. I don't know, it always confused me when I watched it as a kid, I was like "is it a guy or girl?!?!"