Don't think I'm as trans as I used to think

[amandam]

Feeling like I don't want to have to crossdress to feel femme. I don't want to have to put on "all the stuff". But, I do want a more female body. If I could have a slim, trim body, slightly wide hips, slightly protruding breasts, no body hair. Remove my beard. No hint of masculine musculature or male fat distribution. I think I'd be happy. I could be femme or toss on jeans and a t-shirt if I needed to be in guy mode.

I think that puts me on the spectrum closer to TS than CDer. Yes, I am not a CDer. I am not a man who likes to dress up once in awhile. There is an inner expression of female that comes to the forefront. Once I dress up, and I can reflect, she feels good. She is relaxed. She feels natural. She fits in like he never has. At those moments, he feels false and contrived, a persona built up to protect myself in this world. The trick is, to move more femme without freaking out over it.

[LizK]

Feeling like I don't want to have to crossdress to feel femme. I don't want to have to put on "all the stuff". But, I do want a more female body. If I could have a slim, trim body, slightly wide hips, slightly protruding breasts, no body hair. Remove my beard. No hint of masculine musculature or male fat distribution. I think I'd be happy. I could be femme or toss on jeans and a t-shirt if I needed to be in guy mode.

I think that puts me on the spectrum closer to TS than CDer. Yes, I am not a CDer. I am not a man who likes to dress up once in awhile. There is an inner expression of female that comes to the forefront. Once I dress up, and I can reflect, she feels good. She is relaxed. She feels natural. She fits in like he never has. At those moments, he feels false and contrived, a persona built up to protect myself in this world. The trick is, to move more femme without freaking out over it.

I just read through this thread and can see you are making progress. You can have what you want, you don't have to dress in any particular way...just for yourself. You can have the body you want... going by what you just said I agree with you and don't think you are a cd'er...its not about the "clothes" for you. Finding out where you are most comfortable is a big part of the battle and from there the only question that remains is "what do you want to do about it"

I too hope you can move to a more femme you with out freaking out!!

Liz

[Maid Marion]

I consider myself trans because I am basically happy with a very female looking body.   Small but obvious bust, matching hips and a small waist.  I accept the muscles as I need them to maintain my flower garden, which brings pleasure to the entire neighborhood.  The cherry tree has had flowers for the past few weeks.  Next in line is wisteria, which is covered with buds.  And then the white and purple lilacs.  And so on, until hard frosts in November.

[amandam]

Well, I emailed my doctor. Told her I have made a lot of progress mentally. Told her I think I can reduce my Prozac but wanted to check with her. I also told her I was thinking about low dose hrt on informed consent with the Center in San Diego, if Kaiser doesn't do that. I said why not if it lifts my depression and anxiety. I asked her for her thoughts.

[amandam]

The doc said she can refer me to endocrinology. I guess that means I can get a prescription? She gave me a prescription for a sleeping pill. we'll see how it goes. I will go on hrt if I have to, but I want to take a conservative approach.

[Lilis]

Well, I emailed my doctor. Told her I have made a lot of progress mentally. Told her I think I can reduce my Prozac but wanted to check with her.

Much of what you mentioned on this thread resonates with me. From the Gender fluidity or non-fixed gender identity that can change over time or depending on the situation to the depression/anxiety and gender dysphoria. The only difference are that I am currently taking Lexapro for my mental health. I hope everything worked out with your progress mentally, and your gender identity.

I also told her I was thinking about low dose hrt on informed consent

I have an informed consent appointment on 6/10/2024,same goes for me I too want a low dose hrt just enough to enhance my feminine traits for my body, just like you I have to share my body with my masculine side when it is present.

I know I am late to the conversation but I hope you get to see this message, I just want to say thank you so much for sharing this.

[Sarah B]

Hi Lilis

 You said at the end of one of your post where you discuss your appointment in regards to Informed Consent:

I have an informed consent appointment on 6/10/2024,same goes for me I too want a low dose hrt just enough to enhance my feminine traits for my body, just like you I have to share my body with my masculine side when it is present.

Can you clarify the date? Is it 6th of October 2024 or is it 10th of June 2024.

I believe in Feb 1989, I was on full HRT, whatever that was at the time!  I was very naive at the time.

Hope things go well with your appointment whenever that is!  take care and all the best for the future.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Lilis

[Lilis]

Hi Sarah B,

Can you clarify the date? Is it 6th of October 2024 or is it 10th of June 2024.

I am sorry for the confusion the correct date was for the 10th of June 2024, or this past Monday.

I believe in Feb 1989, I was on full HRT, whatever that was at the time!  I was very naive at the time.

Amazing, that's a very long time ago, it's like you were from the future. It's really nice to have a pioneer here with us.

Hope things go well with your appointment whenever that is!  take care and all the best for the future.

Thank you so much ❤, it is done, tomorrow I'll be 4 days old! 🎉

[Sarah B]

Hi Lilis

Thank you for replying and letting me know that you have attended your appointment.  It's good to hear that you are on your way.

That's alright about the date.  I'm aware of the 3 date systems and I'm normally in the day/month/year mode.  However when I saw the 10th month, something must be wrong and thought it must be the  month/day/year mode.  Hence my question, not realising that one of the dates had gone by.  However you clarified the situation for me!

When I was around here on Susan's 12 years ago, I was not the pioneer, a member called Northern Jane was the 'elder' amongst us, she would be around 45 years post op.  I'm now 33 years post op.  I left Susan's and it's just recently that I have come back.  Thank you for your compliment, I'm a bit sheepish now.

I hope all goes well for you.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Lilis