Coming out letter at work

[DeValInDisguise]

This is what I currently have for my coming out letter at work.  My department and the departments I work closely with will be having a special meeting to announce - this letter and one from HR are going out company wide because we're fairly small.

"
Hello,

For the last few months many of you have known me as D, a Business Analyst in the M department.  Others of you I have yet to meet.  I'm writing this to inform everyone of a situation change and to try to prevent any rumors.

I am transgendered.  ->-bleeped-<- is a condition where a person's body does not match their own inner gender identification.  Trying to live in the opposite role to one's brain can cause tremendous mental anguish and result in depression, anxiety, and more.

Therefore I am transitioning to what is the proper role for me: a female role.  This is something I have been doing in my personal life; now it is time for it to happen in my professional life.  As a part of this transition I will be going by my new name, Valerie K, and should be referred to with female pronouns.

I understand that this is something unusual and that you may have questions about ->-bleeped-<-, transition, or me.  That's only natural.  I welcome any respectful questions.   I can't promise that I'll answer every one, but they're all welcome.

Thank you for your support,
Valerie K
"

Any comments or thoughts on how to improve it?

Thanks,
Val

[sneakersjay]

I like it, Val.  Short and to the point. 

[Janet_Girl]

Very similar to the one that I proposed to my HR department for my coming out.  I have yet to hear back about it, but then corporate is slow in anything they do.

Janet

[cindianna_jones]

This is what I currently have for my coming out letter at work.  My department and the departments I work closely with will be having a special meeting to announce - this letter and one from HR are going out company wide because we're fairly small.

"
Hello,

For the last few months many of you have known me as D, a Business Analyst in the M department.  Others of you I have yet to meet.  I'm writing this to inform everyone of a situation change and to try to prevent any rumors.

I would use some other word than "situation".  It sounds non permanent.... like something that you or someone could change.  Perhaps you could say:  "I'm writing this to inform everyone of my change and to try to prevent any rumors."

I am transgendered.  ->-bleeped-<- is a condition where a person's body does not match their own inner gender identification.  Trying to live in the opposite role to one's brain can cause tremendous mental anguish and result in depression, anxiety, and more.

how bout "I am transgendered.  This is a medically recognized condition where my body does not match my inner gender identification."  Make it medical so that they don't treat you like a dirty diaper.

Therefore I am transitioning to what is the proper role for me: a female role. 

Hmm.... this doesn't hit home either....  how bout:  "As part of medical treatment I am receiving, I shall be living and working as a woman."  don't let them think that this is an act (role).  Make sure they know it is a permanent thing.

This is something I have been doing in my personal life; now it is time for it to happen in my professional life.  As a part of this transition I will be going by my new name, Valerie K, and should be referred to with female pronouns.

how bout:  "As a part of this transition I have legally changed my name to Valerie K. I would appreciate your respect and support by referring to me with female pronouns and my new court ordered name." It might help to put that "legal" reference in there.

I understand that this is something unusual and that you may have questions about ->-bleeped-<-, transition, or me.  That's only natural.  I welcome any respectful questions.   I can't promise that I'll answer every one, but they're all welcome.

Thank you for your support,
Valerie K

Very nice Valerie.  You've got the basics in there and have made it short and simple.  The letter does stand on its own pretty well.  But I think that if you get the medical necessity and legal requirements in there, you may score a few more points with those who refuse to accept this. They will know that regardless of what they believe, you have medical and legal support behind you and they will have only their belief.

I hope that I've given you an idea or two. 

Cindi

[Janet_Girl]

Thanks Cindi,

As you suggested to Val, I have made some adjustments to my letter also.  It does read better now.

Janet

[trapthavok]

It sounded good to me, but Cindi made some great suggestions.

Good luck Hope all goes well

[Kate]

I like the original, but I also really agree with Cindy's ideas... especially about not calling it a "role."

I also avoided labeling myself as anything (transsexual, transgender, etc.), but that's something of a personal obsession of mine, lol. I just told them what I was doing, and what to expect. I thought about mentioning it causing me emotional pain and all, but I feared it'd seem like I was fishing for sympathy... or like I was apologizing for it with, "I know this is weird, but it's OK to do because I was really in pain." I figured they really didn't need to know my personal emotional struggles, but just how it would affect them.

Since you have the support of management, it might be helpful to slip in a subtle hint about "management knows about this, and is cool with it." I'm not sure how to word it, but maybe get the point across that you have their cooperation?

~Kate~

[DeValInDisguise]

Yes, I'm definitely taking Cindi's suggestions.  The letter comes across much better.  Thanks, Cindi!

Kate, I debated putting something about management knowing about the transition, but the HR director told me that he would send out a memo at the same time as my letter explaining the company's position (full support). 

Val

[Janet_Girl]

That is so cool Val.  When is the big day, Girl ?

Janet

[DeValInDisguise]

I don't know.  I met with the transition team this past Tuesday and told them that on my end I could be ready next week.  They are checking if our employee assistance program can provide a trainer for the big day - if so that will determine when.  Otherwise there's a good LGBT center locally who could probably recommend someone.

But it can't be soon enough, I tell ya!

Val

[Kate]

I don't know.  I met with the transition team this past Tuesday and told them that on my end I could be ready next week...

Consider that an alternative to "going fulltime" on a single day, you can also just tell everyone that you're in the *process* of transitioning... and let the HRT transition you over time. A fulltime date is the most common way to do this, but if there's too great an incongruency between "presentation" and the actual physical changes I fear it can make things more difficult for people to adjust to. Especially when it all happens so suddenly.

I started dressing androgynously after coming out to my coworkers, but I wasn't obviously female at first. As the HRT morphed me, I slowly adjusted my appearance to match my physical progress. After a few months, I just "was" fulltime," without there ever being a fulltime date.

Just food for thought!

~Kate~

[cindianna_jones]

I started dressing androgynously after coming out to my coworkers, but I wasn't obviously female at first. As the HRT morphed me, I slowly adjusted my appearance to match my physical progress. After a few months, I just "was" fulltime," without there ever being a fulltime date.

Just food for thought!

~Kate~

I had a friend who did this and when she did finally make her presentation to management, she was shocked to find out that they too were shocked!  It's amazing how people overlook what might be totally obvious to someone from the outside.

Cindi

[ImReallyVal]

Consider that an alternative to "going fulltime" on a single day, you can also just tell everyone that you're in the *process* of transitioning... and let the HRT transition you over time. A fulltime date is the most common way to do this, but if there's too great an incongruency between "presentation" and the actual physical changes I fear it can make things more difficult for people to adjust to. Especially when it all happens so suddenly.

I started dressing androgynously after coming out to my coworkers, but I wasn't obviously female at first. As the HRT morphed me, I slowly adjusted my appearance to match my physical progress. After a few months, I just "was" fulltime," without there ever being a fulltime date.

Just food for thought!

~Kate~

I don't know how you managed to do that.  For me, now that I've had the chance to be myself, even the thought of dragging it out is painful.  The more I'm living as me the harder it is to be him.  And now that I'm full time outside of work, it's almost intolerable. 

Val

[Janet_Girl]

ImReallyVal,

I know how you feel, I dread going to work as him.  I am ready to bury him forever and I am going to the court house on Tuesday to begin digging the grave.  That is the day I am going to file for my Name Change and about fourteen days later the grave will be dug.  His funeral is on September 20. 

I am not waiting for the HRT to do its magic, that will come with time.  And I have already waited too long.  54 years is long enough for me to wait.

I understand Kate's thoughts, but I am tried of waiting.

Love,
Janet

[Elwood]

Wow, these are all the same, aren't they?

I just read one of my buddy's coming out letters. He came out a few years ago... His sounds a lot like yours, but longer.

[ImReallyVal]

I'm the Val that started the thread, having account issues.

Update on the letter.  My manager called me into her office today and told me that the letter wouldn't be necessary.  She said that our General Manager (the guy running the company) would be sending out a letter on Thursday, and that whenever after that I was ready to come in as Val that would be fine.

Then about two hours later she called me back into her office to tell me about a change in schedule.  It's going out tomorrow at 11am.  I go full time on Wednesday!

Val

[Janet_Girl]

Holy S T, Batwoman!  That is most excellent, Val.  You must be shaking like a leaf, for excitement and/or fear of am I really ready  .  You will do fine.

Congratulations Girl.  You GO! 

Janet

[Kate]

Congrats, Val!

We'll all be with ya in spirit on the Big Day!

So what are your plans for the day?

~Kate~

[ImReallyVal]

I'm shaking, crying, and laughing separately and together at various points.  I can't believe it's actually happening like this.  This morning, in my daily pre-work freakout, my wife told me "Maybe today they'll tell you that it's going to happen Thursday or Friday and you can start next week."

Plans for the day?  Breathing.  I plan on making sure I breathe.  After that, I'm just going to make it as normal a workday as I can, maybe go out to lunch if someone wants to go.  Then when I get home I'm going to burn some of the old clothing, saving the rest for the big bonfire after we move.

Thanks for all the support!
Val

[Kate]

I've heard that sometimes it helps to go to breakfast or something with a coworker that morning... so you can feel you've already broken the ice to some degree with someone, and have an "ally" with you...

~Kate~