public washrooms?

[hizmom]

i am not certain what to counsel
my FTM son about using public washrooms

when we are traveling via car
and stop in convenience stores
with small washrooms, i dont care
which facility he chooses

but when he traveled by air
this summer, as an unaccompanied minor,
i cautioned him to use facilities at the airport
that matched the gender indicated on passport

question now is: what is the protocol?
is it ok for a 15 YO anatomical female
representing as a male to use a "men's"
washroom?

[glendagladwitch]

If he is presenting as male, then using the men's room seems the wisest course.  I think that it is the gender of presentation that should govern which restroom or shower one uses.  As far as the law is concerned, it varies from town to town.  And there are often conflicting laws in a single jurisdiction.  So, as a general rule, I recommend that he just do what is safe.  And I think he will be most safe using the men's room.

[Mnemosyne]

Best to go with as he is presenting. Anything else can cause issues, which I got to see first hand when I was in a restroom this week when two young males walked in, on purpose, multiple times.

[Elwood]

There is no problem. There is no law about it. If a little girl in a pink dress walked into the men's room, peed, washed her hands and went out I am sure no one would make a fuss. It's when a man (or transwoman, pre-op sometimes) goes into the women's room that can be an issue. It sometimes freaks the girls out in there and they make a big ruckus over it.

I used the men's room on accident a couple days ago at a Thai restaurant. No one cared. Then a couple days ago I went to the men's room with my dad. It was no big deal. Another guy came in and hardly took notice to me.

I, however, pass pretty well as a young boy (15-16 years old) even though I'm really an 18 year old biological female.

I've found that which bathroom a person uses doesn't really matter, whether they're transgendered or cisgendered. There's no law and you'll really only get in trouble if you make a scene. This is why it can be so hard for transwomen. Because a lot of people think they're "making a scene" just by existing. It's really annoying...

The bathroom your son should use is based on how well he passes and where he feels comfortable. The safest place for him. There is no shame in him using the girl's room if he is safer there. But if he is safe in the men's room, then he should be allowed to use it. No one's going to check his passport before he pees.

Also, there's no shame in sitting to pee. My dad does a lot because he has a hurt foot.

[Jamie-o]

Well, whether or not there's a law, depends on where you are.  But I second the opinion that it depends on how well he passes.  If he passes, there's no reason not to use the men's room.  If he doesn't pass, he can get a letter from his therapist that may help if he is hassled, but then again it may not.  He'd really have to pay attention to his environment and make a judgment call. 

And of course, when he's traveling, it depends a lot on where he's traveling to.  Personally, I wouldn't risk it in Dubai, or San Antonio, but I wouldn't worry too much in San Fransisco or Seattle.

[hizmom]

i know it is nerve wracking
for TG folk... actually
i dont know, i am
making an assumption
that it is, at least initially,
unsettling to make that move
into living the life....

as a mom i am freaking out
for my kid cos i dont want him
hurt harmed or harrassed because
i wasnt wary enough about how
much to let him do while we are
all so ignorant of the ways and wiles
of a TG's emergence....

thanks for the advice and suggestions

elwood, i am laughing!

No one's going to check his passport before he pees.

it wasnt that i thought it would matter before the fact!
my concern was that should a problem develop, the only
ID he has is a passport with a photo when "she" was 10 yrs old!!
however your observation has kind of diffused my (hyper) anxiety

thanks for this and all future help, gang
it means the world to me to have support...
i am about to go verklempt on ya here....
(((((group hug)))))

[Elwood]

elwood, i am laughing!

No one's going to check his passport before he pees.

it wasnt that i thought it would matter before the fact!
my concern was that should a problem develop, the only
ID he has is a passport with a photo when "she" was 10 yrs old!!
however your observation has kind of diffused my (hyper) anxiety

thanks for this and all future help, gang
it means the world to me to have support...
i am about to go verklempt on ya here....
(((((group hug)))))

Ah. Well, if your son is going to transition soon, he should get a new ID when his sex/name is changed. Then things will be easier. It's always nice to have a somewhat up to date state ID. Most places accept state ID as a default. I got my California State ID when I was 17, and will obtain a new one when I get my license. Unfortunately, it will say my female name and it will have a little "F" on it. I can't make the change that fast.

In the worst case scenario, your son would have to tell airport administration/security (or whatever) that he's a female to male transsexual, and they'd get the gist and probably let him go without hassle. But chances are much more likely that he won't get in trouble for using the men's room. I've been in the most trouble using the girl's room, actually. I was in my local gym, following my friend Mary into the girl's locker room. A lady jumped over the gate to pull me back and check my ID to verify that I was female.