Life experience?

[fluffy jorgen]

People keep coming up with the phrase "life experience". Everyone whom I've told I'm not a girl, they keep saying: "Yes, but you need life experience". And then some turn around and say: "Well, you've got plenty of that." I don't get. What is meant by "life experience"? Like what made you realize you were the opposite sex? If so what kind of experiences are they looking for? My therapist asked me to write down "life experiences" for our next session.
Then a lot of people have come up with the saying: "You're just assuming you'll be happy as a boy". That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I'm already a boy and have been for since like forever. I'm not good at expressing myself vocally. Doh.

[Laura91]

I think that they accidentally said "life experience" in place of "I'm an idiot."

As if they could know your life better than you do? Fools.

*gives Redfish a thumbs up*

[Nero]

the only difference in life experience i can see is that of being seen by others as a boy, which is different.
even if you're seen as a very tough butch female, people still see you differently than they would an obvious genetic boy.
but that doesn't mean you haven't lived as a boy if you've always been true to yourself, just that you lack that aspect and insight.

[NickSister]

Maybe all you can do is be honest. As in 'I don't know why but for all my concious life I feel like I am a boy'.

Perhaps you could talk about what it is like to be you being mistaken for a girl and refer to particular events. You might want to talk about experiences such as what it is like to be dressed as a girl, your earliest memories of being called a girl and how that made you feel. Talk about how you feel about your body, what it was like chaging in front of others, or buying new clothes. That kind of thing. Tell them how it all feels, show the depth of your disjointedness with who you are and your body and your expected social role.

With some people you just have to admit defeat and tell them that you don't have to prove it, it just is and they can accept it or ->-bleeped-<- off. You could tell them their inability to deal with it causes you a lot of pain.

[Melissa]

They probably were referring to the being in the male role as opposed to being male.  They just didn't know how to express themselves.

[fluffy jorgen]

Well... I didn't go and I'm back on square one.
I'm concentrating on exams now and will get a new therapist.
Doesn't make the question go away though.

[Del]

In the military we had a saying "time in life" which was a slam against butterball 2nd louis that came out of OCS and tried to be a big shot and using and abusing their authority. If they had any time in life they would have learned from the trials of life and seen the foolishness of their actions.
They probably see you as a male "wanna-be" and are using that slam.
The bottom line is that you are who you are regardless of what their feeble mind thinks.
It is not in their place to judge or belittle you.
Del

[Lutin]

Mmm, I think "get some life experience" can be used as a euphemism for "you're far too young to possibly know what you're talking about, go grow up."

Sometimes, it *can* be used in a context that makes sense - for example, instead of jumping into a med. degree at the age of sixteen or seventeen, having a year-or-so off to travel, or doing a B.A. or B.Sc. to help you figure out what you really want. *Some* 17-year-olds just know that they want to become doctors (like my Dad ), but some only do it because they've been told they should, or haven't had enough experience to help them figure out what they really want to do in life. So in *that* context, then, it can be helpful advice.

However, it can also be a sort of "I'm-older-therefore-I-know-better-than-you." One of my teachers at school taught us in the very first lesson of that particular class that just because he was older than us, he wasn't necessarily more intelligent, or know or understand something better than us. I think many adults forget that (not that all adults do, of course, just some) - they assume that because they are older, they must also therefore understand a situation better than some impertinent youngster. Problem, of course, is when the thing they think they know better than the impertinent youngster is the impertinent youngster themselves.

(But please believe that I don't really think that all old and young people are like this! It's purely illustrative. I especially don't think you're impertinent, Jörgen! [I haven't pissed anyone off, have I? ]).

But yes, in your situation, Jörgen, it seems like the "grow-up-it's-just-a-phase-you-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about" sort of "life experience", not the truly helpful one. Though they're undoubtedly both intended to be helpful - "go get some good life experience" is advice, and most advice is given with good intent.

Sorry, don't know if that's helpful, semi-enlightening, or just plain rambling.

In the military we had a saying "time in life" which was a slam against butterball 2nd louis that came out of OCS and tried to be a big shot and using and abusing their authority.

And sorry, dumb Aussie ..."slam against butterball 2nd louis that came out of OCS"? Umm...

*hugshugshugshugshugs*

Lutin

[Del]

Lutin,
Butterball second loui from OCS is a newly commissioned 2nd Lieutenant that just graduated from Officer's Candidate School. The enlisted men hated the ones that had to make a name for themselves or try to get rank faster at our expense. Many of their dumb ideas would risk getting us (not them) killed.
The enlisted men said if they live long enough to get some time in life they would think twice about their decisions or when they got some time in life they would settle down and realize they're only human.
It would be like a guy telling a trans-man if you had any time in life or time spent as a man you wouldn't think the way you do. That would agree with what you said about grow up and you will get over it I think.
At any rate those who tell Jorgen such are like anyone else.
They think they are right and know what is best.
Maybe, for themselves.
There is an old saying that you don't know what is right for someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
Del

[fluffy jorgen]

Isn't this the same as a bio-born male trying to explain why he is male based on what he's been through during his life? That's what I understand to be Life Experience.

I've already said to them (therapists) I'm a boy, I just can't seem to voice my reasons yet but from what you've both said, they've missed my point entirely, so- good ridance to them.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

And when I say I'm a boy, they instantly think I'm your stereo- typical male too and so they can't see past why I act and look so... girly.

Suppose, it was because she didn't specialize in Gender Issues, which was precisely the reason why I asked her to refer me to someone who IS, to cut out the middle man, and she said: It's not that simple.

[pennyjane]

hi jorgen.  when i heard you say you don't want to be a boy, you already are one...told me all i need to know about your "life experience"...and you express yourself pretty darn well, thank you.