Help, I cannot believe life is like this!

[Princess_Jasmine]

Okay so I have not yet really introduced myself before, but hello everybody out there who shares in this crazy journey we all are going through together. I am Princess Jasmine , eighteen years old, and I have known all my life that I was supposed to be a girl but I put the pieces finally together after puberty when I realized I hated the changes that were occurring. I live in a very, very unique family situation, similar to "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" where there is a huge family and everyone is in everyone's business, but in my culture, there is no support for transsexuals at all. I have come out to my mother and we have been seeing a therapist about this, and so far I have been put on a low dose of spironolactone to keep my body from continuing into puberty. Me and my mom both know I want to start estrogen, but it's a huge dilemma because how can I do this when we are weaved in such a web of family connections? Who will accept me? I don't want to lose anyone because I love them all.

Now, on to the blessings of my life. Okay, like seriously there is something weird going on here. I look a LOT like my sister (she is so gorgeous and I feel guilty because I am so jealous of her), and we are the only ones in the family who look alike. I have very very feminine features, and I do get those weird looks from people in public because as I have gotten older, my face has grown very androgenous and its very crazy because like, it seems as I get older, my face is getting younger like before puberty. I have been asked before if I was male or female on a number of occasions...And I know this is all connected somehow. I also know that, I would look so beautiful if I started estrogen. Oh! AND another bonus is my mother and my sister have very large breasts for their frame. My mother is a D cup and, get this, my sister has a double D cup, which makes me happy because I believe I could have awesome breast development on hrt.

But anyways, the whole thing is, I dont know what to do.  I know what I want, but its like I cant just do it because im in a confusing puzzle of how this will affect the family. Does anybody have any words of wisdom or advice from their own experience or a similar situation? Please somebody help me I am like going crazy here

[Beyond]

Okay so I have not yet really introduced myself before, but hello everybody out there who shares in this crazy journey we all are going through together. I am Princess Jasmine , eighteen years old, and I have known all my life that I was supposed to be a girl but I put the pieces finally together after puberty when I realized I hated the changes that were occurring. I live in a very, very unique family situation, similar to "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" where there is a huge family and everyone is in everyone's business, but in my culture, there is no support for transsexuals at all. I have come out to my mother and we have been seeing a therapist about this, and so far I have been put on a low dose of spironolactone to keep my body from continuing into puberty. Me and my mom both know I want to start estrogen, but it's a huge dilemma because how can I do this when we are weaved in such a web of family connections? Who will accept me? I don't want to lose anyone because I love them all.

Jasmine,

Okay now don't freak, this is how I see things and my suggestion:

You sound like you are in a no-win situation.  And no-win situations call for extreme measures.  You are 18.  I would suggest going off to a college/univeristy FAR away.  Preferably one that has good LGBT support programs including HRT support.  These do exist.  Transition at school and don't go home for breaks.  Make excuses that you're doing an intership, that your schedule is too busy, you're busy working, anything to keep them away (except Mom).  Become socialized as a female.  Accomplish your legal name change and if possible get your SRS in the summer between your junior and senior years.  Network like crazy-that is form lots and lots of connections in your chosen career field so you'll have a job after school.  Graduate as a woman and move on with your life.

It sounds horrible, but it is the only way I know of to do this.  You will have to make a new life for yourself and make new friends.  In this respect you'll have a lot in common with a lot of us who have already transitioned.  Please remember this above all else:

Nothing is wrong with you.

You did not cause this.

Society, and the way it deals with natural human diversity (black/white and judgmental), is at fault.

[Stealthgrrl]

I would just say, NOW is the time to act. It will save you so much grief in the long run because hormones can only DO, not UNdo.

And, it may be time to wake up and smell the coffee as far as family is concerned. Reality is, there is often a heavy price to be paid for transitioning. You may have to choose either/or.

Lastly, I understand why physical matters are much on your mind. I do. But in the end it is about who you are.

Best of luck to you.

Stealth

[trapthavok]

As a member of a big family from a small minded culture (especially one where half my family lives within 10 minutes of me), I understand your pain (especially about everyone being in everyone else's business). There's one Muslim in our family that I've never met (hmm..reason behind this?) and being different is frowned upon. I've never heard of anyone in my family being gay, let alone trans. A few members of my family are even homophobic. To say I know where you're coming from is an understatement because despite all our problems, I love my family too.

I agree with Beyond and Stealthgrrl though. I stayed home for college, and even though I just discovered myself recently and have only one more year left, I wish I hadn't because at least I could start transitioning into being myself if I wasn't so close to home. Personally, I plan on moving to a state where I have no family at all and starting all over (I planned this before I knew I was a guy) and I think you should do the same. It might hurt at first, but you never know. Maybe once people have time to think about it (and this may take YEARS if at all) some people might be able to be comfortable around you again and accept you for who you are. I know that I will come home when I can at least just to visit my mother because I know she cares about me as well as my sister. It will be hard at first, but visits to home are allowed if your mother can keep quiet about it or you know your family will not be around your house.

Personally, I just think it would be easier to follow Beyond's plan, and have your mother fly out to visit you when you can instead of going home. Maybe you can make part of that plan honest and get a job, pay for half of her ticket if it helps.

Good luck