Transitioning and Others

[sneakersjay]

I just started T 4 days ago.  Mostly I haven't told anyone, just because it's none of their business (referring to people I've come out to).  But I've found that the few I've told are NOT HAPPY that I'm taking T, even though they were very supportive when I came out, and offered support during transition.

But when I actually DO something to transition, they don't like it.

Time to zip lips again I guess.

Jay

[Janet_Girl]

Jay Hon,

I am happy for you, even if the other in your circle aren't.  It is a big step for you.



Janet

[J.T.]

sounds like they're still in denial...

[MCMCyn]

I completely understand. I had many 'supportive' friends but with each step I took, they became agast that I couldn't stay happy with just dressing. It took some time, but as they saw how much happier I became with each step, their negativity disapated.

[Elwood]

I wish I could get away with that (transition on my own), but I can't. I depend on my parents too much. 

[Kate]

But when I actually DO something to transition, they don't like it.

Reality slaps people hard. Out of sight, out of mind.

My parents have known about me transitioning for well over a year now, including my telling them that I was "going all the way." They knew I changed my name, my documents, everything.

And yet they STILL absolutely freaked when I told them I had a date for SRS, saying they never believed I'd actually go through with it. They remained supportive, but still... it utterly shocked them.

~Kate~

[sneakersjay]

I guess I'll just keep it on a need-to-know basis.

Name change is next (filing anyway; it can take up to 8 weeks).  Then hysto.

Until then, lips zipped.

Jay

P.S.  Cute cat, Kate! 

[Kate]

I guess I'll just keep it on a need-to-know basis.

Do the people you're out to know they should expect physical changes? I realize not everyone knows you're actually on T now, but I'm just curious if they know T was in your plans?

Coming out was a tricky balance for me. I wanted people to know what to expect, and yet I didn't want to "explain" myself or give too much detail. So I didn't literally say "hey, I'm on hormones now," but I did let them know that my appearance would be changing over the coming months. I figured that change affected them in a way, whereas something like the name change (they were already calling me Kate) or SRS wouldn't.

~Kate~

[NicholeW.]

Hiya, Jay,

I think "support" is easier for people to give us when they aren't faced with actually having to "support" us through changes that are gonna make them look at us in ways they don't feel as comfortable with as they might when it's all a kind of thought-experiment.

"O, so you're gonna change sex? Well, it it makes you happy." -- sub-text: "She/He would never really do that. I mean, imagine the embarrassment! They'll get over this."

Oth, when you actually tell them that you've begun T injections, it becomes more like "What!!? You're really gonna do this!!?" sub-text: I cannot BELIEVE this!! This is just freaking insane!! OMG, what do I call you!!? What if I'm attracted to you!!? Will this make me a freak as well?!!

The thought of the process seems fairly easy to accept because there's less belief that you'll actually go through with it. They don't experience the dissonance you have for years. The knowledge that you ARE doing it. Well, that kinda hits home and it's suddenly not a small-chance theoretical event. It's an accomplishment. I think lotsa folk are actually more struck by the fact that we enter the process than they are by the idea of us even talking about the process.

Just imo.

Hope they become more supportive, in fact, after getting their heads around it.

Nichole

[sneakersjay]

I had a long, well-thought out reply to Kate's post and it got eaten.

The people I've come out to did ask what transitioning involved, and I told them hormones and surgery, and that I was at least going to take T.  That was 3 months ago though.

When I came out to my brother, he was like oh, okay.  Then a few days later asked what that meant (being transgendered) and what I planned to do.  I just told him hormones primarily and surgery (ie bottom) wasn't an option.  I figured hysto happens to many bio-females for a whole host of reasons so saw no need to tell people about that; same for top (mastectomy).

I will need to bring someone for top surgery but I don't know who.  I'm not really close enough to anyone for that and my daughter is too young (she'll be 14) and I'm sure they want an adult present.

Anyone that knows me should know by now that I ALWAYS do what I say I'm  going to do.  I'm not a pipe-dreamer.  I announce it, and I DO IT.  Just like I've always done for the past 47 years (make it 29 if you want to count only my adult years!).  I don't make idle announcements.

I understand this is different and has more of a 'freak' factor to it, but again, anyone who knows me or has ever known me would know that I am NOT a freak.

Jay

[NicholeW.]

Okee-doke, Jay.

Sorry if I offended you. I certainly didn't mean that response to be offensive in any way. You are so right, you know your friends better than anyone else here does. Please accept my apology.

Nichole

[sneakersjay]

Nichole, you didn't offend me at all!  I don't know what part of my post gave you that opinion, so I too apologize.

Part of internet communication bungling I think.  I should know better than to post while doing 4 other things simultaneously.

No offense meant or taken in the recent posts of mine.

Jay

P.S.  And apparently my friends and family do NOT know me as well as they should, given my history.   That was what I meant by that part.

[Gracie Faise]

oddly I've seen this happen a lot with other FtM friends.