It's very common (and normal) that the further you are into transition the more you'll dislike your penis -- so no worries. It has to do with the fact that you are no longer blocking off who you are, and you're realizing that this is the correct path for you... so naturally, the penis (a male symbol) is going to feel very wrong, and to the point that yeah, getting a hack saw and cutting it off sounds like a good idea. Just don't try to do it yourself, as it can affect your SRS.
I know that before I had my surgery, I told my doctor that I wanted to do it and included research on how to do it, along with self-castration. I was really to the point of doing it, but he explained that doing it would affect SRS and what they can do, and my new vagina wouldn't be as functional or pretty (and depending on the damage, they might not able to perform SRS to or at least to the extent they can), and I'd probably regret it a lot. (And, no, that get me in sooner for SRS approval, I actually had it delay SRS until I was mental stable enough to have it.)
When I was 14 I did one attempt and got a small razor and tried to lop it off... I didn't get far, and only ended up with a nasty cut which healed, and lots of pain and blood loss. I'm glad that didn't do any real damage other than a superficial wound. Of course, doctors at the time thought that I was insane for doing that, and thus started feeling me anti-psychotics. At that time, and being in a small town, trans wasn't really well known or recognized, sadly.
Now I've had SRS, I'm very happy with my new vagina. I feel a lot more confident as well, because I'm not constantly thinking about having a penis. Although I could tuck well and a lot of people didn't know I had one, I knew there was one there and it was difficult to have. I felt limited in some ways with clothing, or swimming, etc. I felt like a freak. I felt awkward. I felt cursed. But now, I can put on the tighter clothes and I can go swimming -- I wan even walk around naked -- with confidence knowing I have the right part.
So, my recommendation is to save your ass off, do what ever you can do, to get the money for SRS and get it done. Get the doctor to cut the penis off for you and make you a beautiful vagina that will feel great, look great, and be great. I've seen pix of self-done castrations and cut off penises, and trust me, they aren't pretty and I'd pick SRS and getting a real vagina over that any day.
--natalie
