Quote from: Robyn on July 23, 2006, 05:00:30 PM
She - the wife - survived, as has their marriage, and she went on to help other wives in the same situation.
Robyn
Having trouble with this; I made my wife gradually aware over our relationship (told her about sexual abuse and resulting homoerotic dysphoria before marriage; told her about transgender pornography habits 6 months after birth of our son; told her about dressing and sexual habits around 2.5 years after the birth of our son, and encouraged us to go to therapy, but allowed her the reasonable doubt of it being fetish behaviour; two weeks ago informed her it is likely an identity and that we really need to go to therapy, and currently am in group and single therapy). Ironically, dressing and therapy have drastically reduced any male-to-male homoerotic desires to virtually zero as I am also talking about the sexual abuse more openly and embracing my ->-bleeped-<- as I never dreamed possible.
My wife is strongly struggling with her own homosexual phobia as a result of childhood sexual trauma as well and is terrified that if I transition she will become a lesbian (and thus in her mind deemed, "disgusting"); these feelings seem largely socialized (she is latina and thus grew up surrounded by macho culture, and was an only child raised more like a boy by her father). I alternate submissive and agressive, I am a "Switch" as I think it may be called, and she is as well. I am more agressive in social contexts, and she is more assertive in service situations (like requesting help from a waitress, or insisting on being called next if someone cuts in line), romantically we alternate, but I have seen more agressive humor from her (and have responded submissively as I believe she wants to see, to feel more safe I suppose); but with this she also feels the need to "man-up" even though she feels she would undeniably fall short. I am not 100% sure if I am seeing some unresolved FTM feelings in her, which I would not have ever expected, or if it is the simple result of insecurity (for instance she seems to test me, saying things like; "if we end up divorced you'll just end up with a trans person, or like a FTM". I responded offhand with "well that's not really my thing" to which she seemed to respond with disappointment. I tried to correct, by saying "but of course I would be with you no matter what, and come to think of it I have been attracted to it on occasion (which is true, I just never thought two people could transition in a relationship)", but I just don't know.
She wants me to go stealth (really for life, but I said I will 100% give her the deal that I can stay presenting as male until the kid(s) are 18, but that I would have to transition after that--I mean the promise, but I am mostly hopeful that if she has a baseline she can move forward--and she seems to be, but its like a two step forward two or four back type of thing). And per our agreement I have not told our son (she tends to break the agreement, while I have not, she is hoping I can "snap" out of it). And thinks I may have Dissasociate Identity Disorder, be Autistic (I scored high on an online test), or otherwise be mentally ill and that a cure to this would cure my desire to become some form of Transsexual (my idea is femininizing surgeries to the face, voice, and body (except the penis, she really wants to keep it and I don't mind it, although thinking about it, its pretty hard to tuck, but I might just have to do the numbing trick.
Really wishing I cam out far earlier, but I am where I am and I think it will work. Any resources or guidance would be welcome.
