Quote from: Kate on July 24, 2006, 08:43:48 PM
From the "True Selves" book, page 116:
Poor Self-Esteem
For most of their lives, transsexxuals have had to hide their true selves from the world. This deception, carried out over an extended period of time, results in feelings of unworthiness...
Low self-esteem runs rampant amoung transsexuals and causes many of them to become loners and underacheivers, to take dead-end jobs, and to develop problems with health, grooming, and body language.
The self-esteem issues that transsexual patients struggle with include the following:
- Poor self-esteem because they are different from other people and have had a hard time fitting in or being accepted
- Poor self-esteem because it's hard for them to like or love themselves when so much of their existence is based on deception
- Poor self-esteem because they have the wrong body and genitals
Hmm, I would say I have Low Self Esteem. The first statement hit like a hammer right on top of the intended nail in the wall. I hate hiding things, I really do, but being open and honest with something such as this, well, its really hard to even consider with my families traditions and such. I hate liars, I hate deception and Illusion, but it seems the biggest things in my life, are just shades of an unknown color. I can't stand it, but also can't stand the thought of what will happen once I do come foward..
For the second statement. I dont like being alone, matter of fact, I'm extremely social with people I've known many years, yet, due to my really, really, bad case of being shy, I tend to be a loner more times than not. I want to acheive great things, sure, I'd love to strike it rich with some great, world changing invention, but hey, I'd be more than content working any decent job, as long as I was accepted. I'm also a rather large fellow, yet I wouldnt say I'm unhealthy, So what, I like Pizza and Chinese, and eat more than my fair share often times, Big Deal. I try my best to keep myself relatively decent in the grooming area...and I'm sure my body language most likely screams that I'm not comfortable with who I am.
Third Statement...I've been flat out rejected on more occasions that I wish to think of, and I never could "fit in" with all those socially adequate, cool, popular, or just chill, groups during school. Do I mind so much now, not really, but it hasnt helped my confidence or esteem a bit.
Fourth statement...I've already discussed this.
Finally, To a degree. I've never felt.."whole" as a guy, I've always disliked my lower parts, and always longed for breasts. Of course, I suppose just that feeling of not knowing what the heck is going on in your mind, trying so hard to figure out what, and who you are..yeah, I guess that would add to ones low self-esteem.
But as of now, I'm starting to gather research on Lowe's Policies towards TS's. The reason I say this, while some aspects are extremely bad, its a great place to work, alot of nice people. When I was hired, I was a part time Loader for Lumber, but now Im a full time associate in Millworks, and really think that I may want to pursue this as a life long job, of course, retiring when the time comes. So I'm really interested in their policies regarding TS's. I'm also trying to find a good therapist reasonably close to my town so that I can hopefully work up the bravery to make that call, to open myself up to someone I know wont judge me like most other people would...
And at that, sorry for the long post, just wanted to speak my mind.
Talk to you all later,
Diem
