feminine phases?

[Yochanan]

When I was little, I refused to wear skirts unless my mom forced me (this was mostly due to being paranoid about my little boy friends making fun of me or looking at my undies, but that's beside the point). In middle school once my mom allowed me to shave my legs (something I wanted to do because I was teased about it), I got into wearing short skirts, fishnets, and flashy stuff. Then in high school I met a guy, and over the course of our three-year relationship, he basically forced me out of skirts and/or anything "revealing" (any feminine shirt or any skirt shorter than knee-length)--this left me with the option of wearing boy clothes, pretty much, so I did: shorts and jeans, band shirts/t-shirts. Then after leaving him (it was an emotionally abusive relationship), I bought some nice skirts/dresses and wore them for a while, but I was never quite comfy in them, and I think it was more a rebellion against three years of tyranny than a real desire to be seen as a femmy person.

So, I'm just wondering, am I complete freak, or have any of you other boys had phases of dressing femininely for any reason? (i.e., pleasing others, rebelling, denying being trans, etc.)

[sneakersjay]

Heck, yeah.  I pitched a fit at wearing dresses my whole life.  I felt exposed.  I balked a LOT but growing up in the 60s ladies wore skirts and my parents enforced that.  Thank G*D for the 70s LOL.  In HS I dressed in Levis and plaid shirts and docksiders and that continued into college.  But after college after getting married I tried more floral shirts and stuff.  I can't say I ever truly dressed feminine but I wasn't wearing men's clothing and I did wear pink.  Primarily I was in denial.  I'd go through phases where I tried to dress up, you know, the what not to wear thing, where I felt like a slob.  But those fancy clothes made my skin crawl, literally, the shoes were ridiculous and uncomfortable, and I wouldn't last more than a day or two and I'd be back in my frumpy jeans and tee shirts.

Occasionally over the years I'd have something feminine I'd wear a few times but it was rare.  I hated dressing up and would always bring a change of clothes.  As soon as the formal event was over, I'd change and be comfy.  Got a lot of flak over that.

[Yochanan]

I know what you mean--if I went out in a skirt/dress, first thing I did when I got home was strip and put on boxers, lol. I don't so much mind pink, but I won't wear it until after I transition. I'm not very manly in face/body, so I try to exude masculinity through my clothing and behavior.

[ConfusedMichelle]

Getting me into a dress was impossible lol I've always worn pants to weddings and nice occasions.

However, every Halloween for the past 3 years my boyfriend and I are Collins and Angel from Rent, so I bust out my tiny skirt and 6 inch heels for that

[Kevin]

I don't even think I actively opposed girls' clothes until 2nd/3rd grade. Before then I don't think it really mattered to me. But after that I would only get my clothes from the boys' section. And in high school, I did end up going to a formal dance, twice (even though I'm not the type of person at all who'd go to one of those, I'm not sure what happened, haha) ... and wore a dress. I didn't feel comfortable in it at all, even though it was a few years before I realized I was trans. I didn't feel like I could wear it right (and I couldn't ... it's a weird feeling, but I just couldn't wear it right, and I thin it's obvious by looking at the pictures that unfortunately exist of that time) and it was awkward. One time while trying on some more feminine clothes I was trying to figure out why it felt weird and I thought something like "I feel like I'm a girl who's actually a guy trying to crossdress and look like a girl," and I guess I should have known then... haha. The only feminine "phase" that I had was before 2nd or 3rd grade, and actually the year right before I came out as trans was probably my most feminine in recent history (I was really trying to make the girl thing work, but then came to the realization that it wasn't ever going to work and it didn't have to work thank god), but other than that I haven't really had any phases even though I did wear feminine things once in a while.

[Nero]

Hell yeah. My reasons were

a) the girls hated me and I thought if I did my hair and wore a little makeup, maybe they would be friends or at least stop tormenting me

b) I was into boys (honestly, I believe everybody male or female who likes the male species tries to make themselves attractive as possible)

Now skirts or dresses, almost never. Except one phase at 14 where everybody was harassing me to be more feminine or I'd die a virgin.  So I tried a few miniskirts. 

[trapthavok]

chah dude. I was the girliest girly girl as far as I can tell in my pictures and from what my mom says when I was like age 6 and under. then I just tossed off all my girly clothes and did the tomboy thing for years.

dude, my favorite movie at age 3 was Little Mermaid (but by age 8 it was Aladdin haha)

then in high school I got teased a lot so with each passing year my clothes got progressively girlier. and then i found out girls were supposed to shave and stuff (i didnt think it mattered for me because I have little to no hair) and got it in my head that I'm supposed to shave too but didn't understand why.

The last couple of years has seen me in my girliest clothes ever because I was still trying to fit in in college but I don't give a crap anymore

[Ender]

Like most have said, I hated --hated-- being put in a dress when I was younger.  The only time it really came up was at Christmas, so I eventually struck a deal with my parents: I would put on the dang dress without too much resistance if I could take it off as soon as my grandmother (who always bought the thing, along with matching ones for my two younger cousins as well) took a picture.  I always *really* acted enthused to have my picture taken ASAP, so I could go ahead and put some pants and a T-shirt on even faster.  My cousins preferred to run around in the dresses and, uh, they seemed to enjoy it *shrug*  The dress thing ended when I was age 9 or 10 though, at my insistence because I was 'getting older' and could pick out some decent-looking clothes that I actually liked (read: weren't girly).

I didn't ever pick up wearing girly clothes in middle/high school to fit in.  What I did do was try to emulate how girls talked (the inflection thing) because I noticed that when I did, people treated me nicer for some odd reason.  So I just figured my usual monotone-ish boy way of talking was, I dunno, considered rude or something so I changed it.  Now I'm working on un-changing it. 

My sophomore year of college I dressed in actual girl shirts (typically grey or black and preferably printed with skulls, motorcycles, or guitars) because I couldn't find any T-shirts in the guys section that were tight enough to show off my 'muscles.'  Yes, I was all proud that I had started lifting weights and saw some results in my back/arms.  And I wanted to show off or something, lol (silly, I know).  Then I realized that the tight shirts weren't really helping my case (ie, looking more male), so... back to baggy T's...

Actually, some of the stuff was pretty girly-looking in that it showed off this blasted hourglass thing I've got going on.  Going along with what you said about 'denying trans-ness': I'd look in the mirror, say to myself 'for gods' sake, you've got a decent body and people of both genders want to date you.  Wear some tighter girls' clothes to show it off some, like people keep telling you.'  So I did... and I received mucho compliments... and I just felt, I dunno, kinda dirty with each compliment and ended the day feeling absolutely, horrifically uncomfortable with myself.  It didn't take to long to figure out that there was no point pleasing others if it made me feel like hell by the end of the day.

[Yochanan]

Wow, I feel so relieved I'm not the only one who's gone through this. I appreciate all the replies.

Eryk: About feeling "dirty" about compliments, I know exactly what you mean. I was out with my mom one evening and she convinced me to wear this tight, low-cut shirt. She kept saying, "take off your scarf, you look good, you're pretty, beautiful," blah blah blah. It was, like you said, dirty and frankly quite embarrassing.

[Arch]

I went through a weird phase when I started college. One day I would do a sort of trashy girl thing (I had hardly any girl clothes, so there wasn't much variation), and the next I would do a sort of new wave boy thing, complete with skinny tie and jacket.

I found that guys liked my breasts, and I wanted guys, so...

Anyway, the girly phase didn't last. Most of it was a rebellion against my ultra-conservative mother; I discovered male interest as a fringe benefit. And anyway, there's only so much you can do with a few items of clothing. (There's a joke in there. I used to wear tight black riding pants, tall black riding boots, and a light blue fringy top that was practically see-through.)

I never again wore girls' clothing except for two or three occasions--one was a costume party, and one was an anniversary party. For a number of years after I dropped out of college--maybe five or six years--I was keenly aware of the effect that my braless chest had on the males of the species. I had horrific skin allergies by that time--couldn't wear anything synthetic or scratchy--so I wore comfortable shirts (polos, buttondowns, and lots of tees) and just jiggled around underneath. I really didn't have any choice. But I actually liked it for awhile. I had, you know, firm breasts. Guys liked the way they looked.

For a few years, I managed to convince myself that my fascination with masculinity was limited to my desire in sexual partners and had nothing to do with my self-perception. I persuaded myself that my boy-on-boy fantasy life was just a kink. I told myself that some of my other weird preoccupations were just...secret weirdnesses, and I kept them buried.

Until I found that FTM book and realized that even if I was a freak, at least I wasn't the only one.

[emoboi]

i like girl clothes just not in a female body if u get that lol
i like feminine clothing i guess but im strange lol

[Yochanan]

i like girl clothes just not in a female body if u get that lol
i like feminine clothing i guess but im strange lol

I told my therapist the other day that if I had a male body I'd wear pink and tight shirts and stuff. I'm not afraid of being effeminate. It's just that feminine clothes on me now wouldn't be effeminate, they'd be FEMININE, which makes all the difference. Post-transition, I'm certain my style will be quite different than it is now.

[gravitysrainbow]

Emoboi and Yochanan, same here. I actually enjoy the "boy-in-femme-clothing" thing. Now that I've started to pass more, I don't mind wearing girl jeans and eyeliner. Can't wait 'til I can wear pink. Actually, I wear pink eyeshadow sometimes, but only with really "scene" type clothes, lots of black. No pink shirts 'til I've started T, and been on it a bit.

[Yochanan]

I look forward to the days when I can wear eyeliner again. I'm not really into any other type of make-up, but eyeliner is one thing I miss terribly.

[Aiden]

I was always one of them who pitched a fit wearing dresses and fought being in one.  Father even punished me one time by making me wear a dress to church lol.

Most life wore more androgyne stuff, some masculine.  In first year of high school I did try wearing makeup, grew hair out, and was dressing slightly more feminine (not a lot)  didn't last long.

Then over last year before realized was transgender I was wearing a few plain black skirts and black sleveless shirt with a red and black celtic design shaw.  Shocked my father.  But really dispite having a bit more respect from some people (and less people trying run me over when crossing road) I still felt wrong.  It didn't feel right and I wasn;t really happy in it.

[emoboi]

oh i love eyeliner and makeup
sometimes i even wear it lol

[Arch]

Fun thread.

The only way I could avoid femmy clothes when I was a kid was to be passive-aggressive. You don't cross my mother. She is quite terrifying. And she did make me wear dresses and stuff to school sometimes when I was in elementary. One dress I actually liked. My father was a naval officer (now retired), and that dress had a real naval flair to it. And it fit a whole lot better than my father's old 'Nam fatigues and army boots.

I asserted myself more in junior high--NO DRESSES--and she yielded to the inevitable. But I wound up wearing girls' pants--Levi's were simply NOT appropriate wear for school, according to her--and a lot of shirts made for girls.

Funny: when I was in junior high, I didn't want to wear revealing clothes (as if I had anything to reveal at that age) or makeup like the "other" girls, the bio girls. My mother commended me for being mature.

When I was in high school and didn't want to wear girly clothes and makeup, she began to get WORRIED. She started buying me junk like powder and lipstick and some jewelry and stuff. Which I didn't wear.

When I started picking out revealing clothes (what I had of them) to wear in college, she actually seemed to relax. Whenever she caught me, she made me change clothes (I just took them with me and changed at school), but she stopped hassling me about makeup and frilly stuff. A few years later, I was gone, and it didn't matter anymore.

I do get off on femmy guys who wear femmy-looking clothing and have real style that way. But I can't stand that stuff on myself.

I'm not a big Richard Gere fan, but I used to watch movies like American Gigolo and pray that I would ever look that natural in an Armani suit. I used to watch NYPD Blue when it first started airing, and I loved it when Jimmy Smits joined the show. I dreamed of looking that good in an overcoat. Mmmmmm.

Of course, he's got a good six inches on me at least. In more ways than one.

[tekla]

It's a lot easier to look good in an overcoat than an Armani suit.

[noxdraconis]

Dresses,  .  I literally had to be beaten into one.  Now that I am older and more experienced, I realize that I should have taken Arch's passive aggressive approach back then rather than being a stubborn git.   That way I would have just been stuck in a dress rather than stuck in a dress with a sore bottom.  That stopped though by the time I was 10 luckily.  After transistion, I would not mind wearing a pink shirt, but for now like most of the other guys have said I will stick to clothes that are unquestionably masculine.

[Arch]

It's a lot easier to look good in an overcoat than an Armani suit.

LOL!!! I guess all you need are height and good shoulders. But even so...you have to really OWN it to look truly great. Smits had that.

Of course, tastes vary.

I remember when I was at school a number of years ago with a bunch of people I didn't really know well, and someone said something about Jimmy Smits. Maybe he had just left the show, I don't know. And without thinking, I immediately said, "I'd give anything to look as good as he does in an overcoat."

Silence.

It's those occasional weird little off-the-cuff remarks that change people's whole perception of you. To what, I have no idea.