What if you'd never transitioned?

[Annwyn]

What do you think your life might be like if before you'd gone fulltime, you'd met a gentleman who respected you, appreciated you, loved you, and made you feel like you wanted to be with him for the rest of your life?

If you met someone like that, could you have lived your life just being a submissive gay male in a life long relationship with another gay guy?  Would you have been able to push off the urge to transition to be with this person that captured your heart?

Basicly, if you had met someone who made your world complete even if you still felt you were in the wrong gender, would you give up that relationship to pursue transitioning?

Just one of those, "what if" things, lol.

[tinkerbell]

What do you think your life might be like if before you'd gone fulltime, you'd met a gentleman who respected you, appreciated you, loved you, and made you feel like you wanted to be with him for the rest of your life?

My life was exactly like that prior to transition.  I did meet a gentleman who respected me, appreciated me and loved me as a "gay man" and not as the woman I really was.

If you met someone like that, could you have lived your life just being a submissive gay male in a life long relationship with another gay guy?  Would you have been able to push off the urge to transition to be with this person that captured your heart?

No, I could not have.  I am a woman, not a "gay man", and I always wanted him to see me for who I really was.  Transition, to me, was like breathing air, a necessity in other words, and not something I could "put off" for anyone or anything.

Basicly, if you had met someone who made your world complete even if you still felt you were in the wrong gender, would you give up that relationship to pursue transitioning?
Just one of those, "what if" things, lol.

I did.  I transitioned because that is what I had to do, and eventually that is one of the reasons why our long-term relationship ended.  Hey, "manure" happens, but it was more important for me to be who I really was rather than to maintain a life that was a lie.

What if you'd never transitioned?

I would be dead.


tink

[Janet_Girl]

I would hope that he would understand and be by my side thru transition.  But I would still transition even if it cost me his love. 

Been there done that, except it was with my ex wife.  She could not even accept that I was wanting to do it again.  She even knew me before when i tried to transition before. 

Stupid me for thinking that she would support me like she did before.

I still hope for an SO that will except me for me, transition and all.  And gender would not matter to me, male, female, FtM, MtF.  Does that make me weird?

Still in love with love.

A hopeless romantic,
Janet

[Northern Jane]

Nope. Couldn't do it.

I DID meet someone like that when I was 17 and living en femme. He was ass-over-tea-kettle for me and wanted to marry me. When I told him why I couldn't marry him, he offered to send me overseas for surgery (which was WAY out of my league in those days). I declined, even though it looked like the only way I would ever have surgery.

First off, I wasn't in love with him so I couldn't live with him. Second, I HAD to resolve "the body issue" - I did NOT want to be with a guy as a guy - because I couldn't live with myself.

[Chaunte]

What do you think your life might be like if before you'd gone fulltime, you'd met a gentleman who respected you, appreciated you, loved you, and made you feel like you wanted to be with him for the rest of your life?

If you met someone like that, could you have lived your life just being a submissive gay male in a life long relationship with another gay guy?  Would you have been able to push off the urge to transition to be with this person that captured your heart?

Nope.  My gender identity has no relationship with my sexual orientation & desire.

Basicly, if you had met someone who made your world complete even if you still felt you were in the wrong gender, would you give up that relationship to pursue transitioning?

Just one of those, "what if" things, lol.

Transitioning is not an option.  Once I understood who I am, my course was set.  It was mearly a matter of time.

Chaunte

[Caroline]

If you met someone like that, could you have lived your life just being a submissive gay male in a life long relationship with another gay guy?  Would you have been able to push off the urge to transition to be with this person that captured your heart?

What does being 'submissive' have to do with anything? 

[sneakersjay]

My mother asked me that very question, that if my ex-h had actually loved me and gave me what I needed in the relationship, would I still want to transition.  I told her that yes, I would, and that the marriage would have been over had I done that then.  I think she was looking for emotional reasons why I'm transitioning, or psychological, not yet getting that this is biology, plain and simple, and has nothing to do with being loved, honored and respected.

I, too, hope that I will fall in love again with someone who loves me for who I am.  I'm feeling pretty straight these days, so bio- or trans-ladies who wouldn't mind a short guy.   

Jay

[Stealthgrrl]

No.

No one and nothing else could make me feel complete, if I were living as a male; in other words as a phoney construct.

The trouble with the argument of, "if you like women why didn't you just stay a guy" is that I loathed being in the male role. (plus, I've always fallen for Lesbians and bisexual women. I used to think it was some weird coincidence, but it was gaydar, even if I wasn't conciously aware that it was. Nature will out)

Sometimes, when something has happened that's been difficult or painful, I'll think, what if I had just stayed like I was and just allowed myself to be a feminine man? But that lasts about 5 seconds, til I start to think about being called "sir" again, and trading my gf's for guy friends (ugh!!! I don't CARE about FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!) and the whole unendurable ball of wax. Plus, then I remember that I caught WAY more grief when I was a tweener than at any other time in my life. When they thought I'd "turned gay", some of the men I work with just couldn't contain their scorn. But when I came out as trans, that all stopped. (interestingly, my female friends had already begun treating me as a girl, even before I came out.)

Stealth, FEMALE

[Annwyn]

Thanks for all the wonderful replies gals and guys!

The reason I started this thread was that it seems easier for a gay guy to find love as a sub guy than it would be as a trans lady to find love from a dude.  Or easier for a lesbian to find love with another lesbian, then for a trans man to find a straight lady to fall in love with him.

And there's no denying it, love is a MAJOR part of life.  It's just how we're wired, from the moment we're born.

But now I understand, thx:-)

[Gracie Faise]

I'd either be one of two things: Dead, or just dead inside. A lover wouldn't change that.

[Northern Jane]

I'm feeling pretty straight these days, so bio- or trans-ladies who wouldn't mind a short guy.   

Jay

RIGHT OVER THIS WAY FELLA! 

I came to the conclusion ages ago that a transitioned-guy would be a PERFECT match - someone who would understand and not get all bent out of shape! If a FtM asked me out, I'd be in seventh heaven.

Height don't matter. I am 5' 9" and used to go out with a 5' 0" Frenchman - made no difference at all. We actually used to play on the height difference and have fun with it. "Size" don't matter either - a good heart and gentle hands are much more important 

[Stealthgrrl]

I'm feeling pretty straight these days, so bio- or trans-ladies who wouldn't mind a short guy.   

Jay

RIGHT OVER THIS WAY FELLA! 

I came to the conclusion ages ago that a transitioned-guy would be a PERFECT match - someone who would understand and not get all bent out of shape! If a FtM asked me out, I'd be in seventh heaven.

Height don't matter. I am 5' 9" and used to go out with a 5' 0" Frenchman - made no difference at all. We actually used to play on the height difference and have fun with it. "Size" don't matter either - a good heart and gentle hands are much more important 

oOo, Miss Jane had her own leedle Frensh pastry, ah? I bet they used to kees een a leedle cafe by the reever. 

Oh forgive me, sometimes i just can't stop myself. 

Stealth

[Laura91]

I'd either be one of two things: Dead, or just dead inside. A lover wouldn't change that.

I agree with that, not to mention IF I didn't kill myself I would so miserable that no one would want to be around me anyway.

[umop ap!sdn]

it seems easier for a gay guy to find love as a sub guy than it would be as a trans lady to find love from a dude.  Or easier for a lesbian to find love with another lesbian, then for a trans man to find a straight lady to fall in love with him.

It would have been much much easier for me to have a relationship with a straight woman back in my old life than it is now trying to find a lesbian or bi partner who is open to MtFs. But had I gone for the former scenario, the person wouldn't have loved the real me, only my exterior, and eventually I would have said this isn't working I have to be myself at any cost.

And had I not been able to transition I doubt I'd be alive now.

[Janet_Girl]

I, too, hope that I will fall in love again with someone who loves me for who I am.  I'm feeling pretty straight these days, so bio- or trans-ladies who wouldn't mind a short guy.   

Jay

Jay Sweety how do you feel about a 5'10" woman?  Come on Jane, we'll arm wrestle for him.

Janet

[sneakersjay]

Jay Sweety how do you feel about a 5'10" woman?  Come on Jane, we'll arm wrestle for him.

Janet

Height is not an issue.     Give me a few months to finish my physical transition.  This ought to be fun!!  LOL

[Flo]

Just responding to the original question...

Since I am a lesbian MTF I always found that any relationships with men were initially a turn on, and yes there has been a few that I hoped to be a long term relationship, trying to "cipher" myself as to who the heck I am, but I always felt "dirty" afterwards.  But those were always physical..not loving...understand?

When I was younger...much...in thinking I was female I usually sought male partners, but never had any real internal satisfaction there.  Maybe because I was sexually abused at a young age I had a conflicted personality.

But now I am happy with my wife, just need to figure out the transition and direction.

This may not make sense to you, but I'm glad I wrote it.

Forever,

Flo

[Annwyn]

Well see, even though many of you have been in relationships where you had to play a gender that you weren't, I still think it would be easier to find a partner who could respect you as the gender you are without you having to transition.

I suppose it comes down to, why is presenting your gender so important?  Gender is connected with sex, and if you find a partner who satisfies you sexually in the way your gender demands then it could possibly alleviate the need for transition period.

Using myself as an example, there's a major difference seeing an effeminate male in the mirror and a female in the mirror.  But if I had a boyfriend who could appreciate me as I needed to be appreciated then I wonder, how important would transition really be?  Would it be worth giving up an amazing relationship just so I could see someone else in the mirror, and have a lifetime of worries to deal with post-transition?

Because you could find him or her BEFORE transition or you could find him or her AFTER transition.  So...

If it's all about how you see yourself, then that's one thing.  If it's all about how others see you, that's a different thing.  There's so many motivations to transition that it's a really deep topic to get into.  Like I think I could possibly give up transition and stay a very effeminate male, doing my best to look female in face and in body, if I could find a man who could appreciate that in me.  I would almost rather do that than transition fully to female, and then have to be a NORMAL person in a world that sees me as a NORMAL person.  Normal... ugh.

Gah.  So complicated.

And no using mah thread as a hookup place either.  Go to yahoo personals for that lol.

[Suzy]

What if you'd never transitioned?

I would be dead.

tink

Sadly, for some of us in life situations that we cannot change, this sounds like a very peaceful option.

Kristi

[Shana A]

Sadly, for some of us in life situations that we cannot change, this sounds like a very peaceful option.

Hugs Kristi! 

Z