What if you'd never transitioned?

[fae_reborn]

What if you'd never transitioned?

I would be dead.


tink

Same here.  I could never have lived as a gay man (or any kind of man for that matter), and if I wasn't able to transition I'm sure I would be dead.  But thankfully, that's not the case today! 

Jenn

[Natasha]

why would i wanna live a life full of anguish and despair if i couldn't be myself?  no thanks.  putting a bullet through my head would be much simpler.

[lacitychick21]

Basicly, if you had met someone who made your world complete even if you still felt you were in the wrong gender, would you give up that relationship to pursue transitioning?

No way. Me first, then love.

[Carolyn]

The man I'm with knew me before transition, and with know me long after, Once my best friend now the man I want to marry, and I am the woman he wants to marry. I am transitioning for only one person, myself. It's my life, my body, my soul. I follow what my heart has told, if didn't I would have been dead a long time ago

[deviousxen]

You know Wyn, I don't blame you for thinking that. I often do.. And it depresses the hell out of me to know that me pursuing this may ruin my chances with someone... Especially since I have a major crush on them...

But It would probably be better for me to transition and then if I'm not accepted by her, feel like crap until someone else finds me or vice versa. At least then I'd be in the right place mentally and more physically. It would be more rational than not transitioning for her to accept me, but sometimes it does keep me up late wondering...

[cindianna_jones]

When I considered transition, I believed that no one would ever love me again. This did not deter my desire or determination. At that time, I was drawn to women for biological reasons.  These days, I appreciate physical attributes of either gender but have no fantasies and pursue nothing.  I am married to a wonderful guy who understands my non sexual "proclivities".

So... I could never have lived in a homosexual relationship.  I would rather have died than to live one more day longer than absolutely necessary in my birth sex.

Cindi

[Annwyn]

Thanks for the post Xen!

[Butterfly]

For some of us, transition isn't a "choice" or maybe it is, death being the alternative!

[deviousxen]

Thanks for the post Xen!

Of course...

[Annwyn]

I know the solution.

I've acted like a girl my entire life.  I don't even think when I was trying to be a marine and bodybuilding or whatever I could really act like a guy.

And if that's the way it is for all transsexuals then well, we're always just the wrong person.  We're always the person that gets, "->-bleeped-<-" or, "dyke" or, "sissy" whispered behind our backs because we just are who we are and noone gets the bigger picture because they can't see inside of us.

SO...

There.

[deviousxen]

I know the solution.

I've acted like a girl my entire life.  I don't even think when I was trying to be a marine and bodybuilding or whatever I could really act like a guy.

And if that's the way it is for all transsexuals then well, we're always just the wrong person.  We're always the person that gets, "->-bleeped-<-" or, "dyke" or, "sissy" whispered behind our backs because we just are who we are and noone gets the bigger picture because they can't see inside of us.

SO...

There.

:]

[Dorothy]

For me it wasnt about the clothes or about feeling like a girl.  I just knew I was female & needed to transition.  Theres no other way to put it.  I havent been interested in the dating business because my body is wrong as of now.  But after my GRS that may change.  I dunno. Im not doing this for anybody, Im doing it for myself and I come first. I need to be me in body and mind.  The rest can wait and if it never happens.  Fine too!

[Yvonne]

It isn't about "acting" like a girl either.  You are either female or you aren't.  If "I" hadn't transitioned, then that "I" person wouldn't be me, it would be somebody else.  I'm female & my drive to transition and GRS was greater than everything else.  Who would want to live as "something else" during their entire lives?  One lie leads to another lie and when you realise, you've got a life that is a joke and it's either be who you are or end it all once and for all.

[deviousxen]

I thought it was my shadow until I realized it was the other way around. My male side was during the day... And the female side attacked at night trying to get out.

I thought I had gained it and if I controlled it and let it out at night, I'd be okay.... But that was me lying to myself I think.


And It went back further than I thought. Not 6 years old, but I didn't questions bodies when I was 6 cause I was in my own little universe anyway. I was distracted from it I almost think.

[Jordan]

Well see, even though many of you have been in relationships where you had to play a gender that you weren't, I still think it would be easier to find a partner who could respect you as the gender you are without you having to transition.

I suppose it comes down to, why is presenting your gender so important?  Gender is connected with sex, and if you find a partner who satisfies you sexually in the way your gender demands then it could possibly alleviate the need for transition period.

Using myself as an example, there's a major difference seeing an effeminate male in the mirror and a female in the mirror.  But if I had a boyfriend who could appreciate me as I needed to be appreciated then I wonder, how important would transition really be?  Would it be worth giving up an amazing relationship just so I could see someone else in the mirror, and have a lifetime of worries to deal with post-transition?

Because you could find him or her BEFORE transition or you could find him or her AFTER transition.  So...

If it's all about how you see yourself, then that's one thing.  If it's all about how others see you, that's a different thing.  There's so many motivations to transition that it's a really deep topic to get into.  Like I think I could possibly give up transition and stay a very effeminate male, doing my best to look female in face and in body, if I could find a man who could appreciate that in me.  I would almost rather do that than transition fully to female, and then have to be a NORMAL person in a world that sees me as a NORMAL person.  Normal... ugh.

Gah.  So complicated.

And no using mah thread as a hookup place either.  Go to yahoo personals for that lol.

Wyn,

You have no idea how many times I have told myself, that If I could find a beautiful NON-OP T-Girl, that it could keep me from needing to transition.

I completely understand your train of logic here, In a way it gets me thinking about the actual need behind wanting to transition, and I believe at least for now that even though that is something I may or may not want in life, I cannot live through someone else even if they were to satisfy me sexually in the way I desire.

I feel strongly that even if transition means that I will never meet and fall in love with someone who will appreciate me both physically and emotionally then so be it, because otherwise I am truly scared to death of continueing this worthless existence as a "Man".

But I compleltly get where you are coming from, and it is something I wrestle with often.

[peggygee]

What if you'd never transitioned?

I would be dead.


tink

Same here.  I could never have lived as a gay man (or any kind of man for that matter), and if I wasn't able to transition I'm sure I would be dead.  But thankfully, that's not the case today! 

Jenn

This comment and the others upthread from the ladies pretty much sum up the sentiment for me.

I could not, would not live me life as a gay male.

[DeValInDisguise]

Sadly, for some of us in life situations that we cannot change, this sounds like a very peaceful option.

*nods* Yes, it does.  But try to think who in your life would be hurt by you being gone.  And then concentrate on what you can change instead of what you can't.

In my case they wouldn't have been around much longer anyway if I hadn't transitioned.  I drove my wife away, had almost no relationship with my stepkids, was distancing myself from my parents, hadn't talked to my sister in years.  I had a couple of friends who I saw once a week at gaming, but never did anything with them outside of that anymore.  Without transition I would have ended up alone with my dogs in an empty shell of a life.  Probably when the dogs died I would have as well.  And that was with me trying to change what I could.

Since transition things have been completely different. I can *live*.

Val

[Liann]

Provocative post.

The issue is far oversimplified. There are some 10 chromosome sexes: (XX XXX XXXX XXXXX XXY XY XYY) which can survive the birth process, and other which are stillborn too mangled to live. XXY can be F or M or FM intersexed, XY can be F or M.

There are four brain wirings: F in F-body, F in M-body, M in M-body, M in F-body. These brain wirings may appear in any of the chromosome sex bodies.

There are various gradations of hormone receptors and hormone production. An XY femme is androgen-insensitive with ingrown testes born with exterior femme genitals (vulva, clit, labia, vaginal canal, no uterus, no fallopian tubes nor ovaries) and marked F on birth certificate. She may have F or M brain wiring, and varying levels of sex hormone production and/or receptors.

Depending on sex hormone production there are varying degrees of pheromones byproducts produced and sweated out. M2F trans will give off femme pheromones eventually through HRT metabolism, but of course will forever lack copulin pheromones produced only in a vagina.

Pheromones themselves play a critically important role in sexual attraction. They are in large part producers of our sexual preferences. About 10% of the population is brainwired to prefer same sex pheromones which stimulate the lust centers. The other 90% of the population favors opposite sex pheromone carriers for sexual preference.

============

Gays are generally vaginally phobic. They don't want to screw one and they don't want to wear one. They especially don't want to smell one. Listen to a group of queens yakking for a few minutes about cows, their favorite word for females. They prefer their own kind, same sex, despite being hair dressers, and fashion designers and beauticians.

T-Girls are attracted to vaginas to the point of wanting one of their own, but also sometimes wanting one on their lovers too.

That makes T-Girls practically kryptonite to gays and vice versa.

They are not the same, not interchangeable.

You can't plug the square gay pegs into the round t-Girl holes. They don't fit.

Prior to SRS the bisexual ->-bleeped-<- can swing both ways and gays can stand  being with her as long as she still has a dick. After the dick is gone, so are the gay lovers.

For various reasons, some valid, some baloney, some potential T-Girls stop at ->-bleeped-<- and never go for SRS. It might be fear of knives, lack of money, health contraindicators, existing relationships (kids, wife, parents). Some stop short of ->-bleeped-<- at TV/CD. Some stop short of TV/CD, with just a mild fetish for an article of femme clothing, maybe shoes or pantyhose.

It could be low pheromone receptors or strong hormone production. It could be half-and-half brain wiring, or 40/60, 30/70. 20/80 brain wiring. It could be formative stage imprinting on certain preferential archetypes. It could be some of everything in varying individual amounts. There's a long way to go to finish the sexology biological research.


So speculating is a pass time of dubious merit.

[umop ap!sdn]

T-Girls are attracted to vaginas to the point of wanting one of their own, but also sometimes wanting one on their lovers too.

I don't think this is quite accurate.... we want one of our own because we feel we should have had one all along. To us it seems only natural that we should have a complete vulva between our legs, and anything else feels ugly and wrong to us. The fact that many of us happen to be attracted to other women is not significant, except maybe statistically (and I think that's a case of two effects from the same cause).

That makes T-Girls practically kryptonite to gays and vice versa.

Good point.

For various reasons, some valid, some baloney, some potential T-Girls stop at ->-bleeped-<- and never go for SRS.

I really dislike that word - most of us do - to me it sounds like saying "male person who wants to be called 'she'" which feels almost as disrespectful as outright saying "he". Sure, the "plumbing" I'm stuck with is more or less* male, but I'm not. It's a body image vs self image thing that helps me, and I'd imagine a lot of others, stay sane. I'm a transwoman now, not later, and not potentially.... after SRS I'll just be a regular woman with an unusual past.

*(HRT works its wonders everywhere you see)

[Hypatia]

I am frustrated with the common ignorant assumption that transsexual people are nothing more than gay people who took their gayness to an extreme. It just doesn't work like that. Gender identity is the key, and sexuality has nothing to do with it, oftentimes sexuality isn't even present at all.

My one lesbian friend is of Iranian origin, and she tells me in that culture they don't consider gender identity as having an independent existence from sexual orientation. As she explained it, people see same-sex attraction as a violation of gender norms, and therefore inseparable from any other sort of gender crossing. This was her explanation of why some gay people in Iran are getting SRS and gender transitioning (documented in the film Be Like Others).

From what I can see, many cultures likewise fail to distinguish between variant sexual orientation and variant gender identity. Whereas for us, we see them as two totally different phenomena. I keep running into non-trans people who deny that a trans woman like me can possibly be lesbian, as though the only possible motivation for transitioning is being boy-crazy. The constant ignorance gets to be exasperating.