Interesting dorm situation..

[gravitysrainbow]

So I was freaking out for awhile because I'd been assigned to a room in my campus's only female-only dorm. Of all the rotten luck, huh?  Luckily, I didn't have a roommate or anything, but I was still frantically trying to come up with a cover story.  Y'know..."Yeah, I have no idea how I ended up here, must've been a mistake. I'm not complaining, though."

Today, I finally decided that, despite the fact that I'll be moving into my dorm in 11 days, I should just e-mail the Housing Department and tell them my whole situation.  A single room in any of the coed dorms costs exactly the same as the one I already have, so my parents shouldn't mind.

So I sent a message explaining my situation and basically saying, "I look like a guy, I act like a guy, I go by a guy's name, it would be awful for me to live in a female-only dorm."  I also asked about private showers.

And here's the executive director of Housing's response:

"Hi [birthname] and Hi Michael....

Thanks for sharing this information and expressing your concerns about living on campus.  It sounds like you've given this quite a bit of thought, and I would really love the opportunity to talk with you in more detail about your transition to campus.   Would it be possible for you to come to campus to meet with me so we could talk in person as well as go look at some of our facilities to discuss the options?  Feel free to respond to e-mail or call me at [phonenumber was here].  Thanks, and I look forward to hearing from you soon..."

The whole...greeting me by both names thing was weird, but kindof made me laugh a bit.  I had to put my birth name so she could look up my records. 

I almost feel like she just wants to scope me out and see if I actually look like a guy, which worries me a little, but I'm going to go anyway.  I figure if I make the 45-minute trip, she's a lot more likely to give me what I want.

Anyone have any ideas about how I should behave/dress/talk/etc?  I'm thinking my boyfriend will have to give me a ride, but if he comes along, I'm not going to tell her that he's my boyfriend.  This might sound awful, but if she's going to move me out of the female-only dorm under the assumption that it would be the same as having a straight guy there, and that I might...I dunno, leer at the female students, that's a'okay with me.

[icontact]

I'd say just act maturely, make simple conversation, be polite, make stupid jokes that adults love to hear kids make, etc.

[Aiden]

Be yourself.  You told her you were transitioning, it would be kind of contrary for you to be anything else in front of her.     As for the boyfriend, you might be right there lol

But I do understand the situation.  I live in an assisted living place, on the girls floor, with a female housemate who I think is kinda weirded out by me lol.   

[Arch]

You're obviously not being discounted out of hand, and that's a good sign. I would say that if, in everyday situations, you are most comfortable binding and packing, then by all means bind and pack. As Aiden says, be yourself.
This is exactly what people always say to someone who is going into therapy and who worries that s/he will not be approved for transition or hormones or whatever. I think it's the best way to go in your situation, too. And, well, you'll obviously be respectful and friendly, but also be ready to be firm if you have to.

Try not to be too nervous. The first time I taught, I pretended to be experienced, and it worked for both me and the students. I know it sounds like I'm suddenly telling you NOT to be you, but that's not it at all. It's more like putting on a hat to complement what you're already wearing. Have confidence in yourself and have confidence that you're projecting the real you.

That's one boy's opinion.

[gravitysrainbow]

Thanks for the comments! You guys have made me feel a lot more confident about this. Also, my boyfriend promised to speak up for me if it seems like I need him to. I'm actually looking forward to this. I think I'm going Wednesday afternoon. I'm planning to wear some nice jeans and a blue buttondown with a light blue t-shirt under it, and probably black dress shoes. And freespeechz (and anyone else): what sort of jokes do adults want to hear kids tell? Hah..

Posted on: August 12, 2008, 01:53:39 AMArrrrrgh. Just got back from my meeting with the Executive Director of Housing, and I don't know what to think.  She was very nice, considered me unquestionably male, introduced me to one of the other administrative staff as Michael, but she was still more concerned with "How much are you comfortable with me telling parents when they freak out about a boy being on a girls' floor?"  And I mean...she said stuff like, "You're only biologically supposed to be on the girls' floor" and very nice stuff like that, but then she would say, "Yeah, we'll just have to tell the parents not to worry, there's not really a guy living on the same floor as your daughter."  And inside, I was like, "...Ouch.  Way to emasculate me."

I think she was trying her best, though, not quite understanding the process.  Surprisingly enough, she did know about RLE, and asked me if that was where I was in the process.  I said I was, even though I didn't have a therapist monitoring it, because (from what I've heard) a lot of therapists, if you come to them and say, "I've been living as a guy for a year now, I'm in the process of having my name legally changed," they'll consider your RLE finished already.  She asked about surgery, which I think she didn't realize was in poor taste, and I sidestepped it and told her that I would probably be starting T sometime during my four years there.  Because I was comfortable telling her that, but I didn't want to get into surgery.  And she was really nice, didn't press the issue.  She'd even said right before bringing it up, "I'm not sure quite how to phrase this, so I guess it's going to be awkward," to which I replied, "It happens."  That got her to laugh, along with a few other things I said.  I think she understands that I'd like to be stealth, but I don't mind educating people if they're going to be scared/confused/uncomfortable.

Anyway, I'm going to be in the girls' dorm, sharing a bathroom with 4-6 people.  That's way better than a community bathroom, which would require me to negotiate the schedules of about 50 people to figure out when to shower.  With this, I can talk to those people, and maybe figure out a pretty set schedule about when the bathroom will be free.  She's also going to talk to an administrator about the best way to inform my professors about my name and pronouns.  So I suppose it went well, albeit with some awkward moments.

[sneakersjay]

Ouch, dude.  That sucks.

I guess they really can't say to the parents:  Well there really IS a guy living in the girl's dorm with your daughter, but don't worry, he doesn't have a penis.

Why couldn't they move you to a coed dorm?  If you're wanting to be stealth, living in a girls' dorm isn't going to work.  Either that or your guy friends will envy the fact that you're sharing a bathroom with 4-6 live naked girls!  Blame the administration for the mistake and hey, well, you DID try to get them to fix it, no?

No way to live off campus in your own place?

Jay

[Arch]

Jeez. Is there no way that they can switch you with some gal who is currently assigned to a coed dorm? Surely there must be SOMEone who would like to swap...

Is there nothing else you can do?

[gravitysrainbow]

I think I'm going to ask why I wasn't offered a single room in a coed dorm. I'll still have to live on a female floor, but that's a lot easier to play off. I wish I lived in a state at least liberal enough that "Don't worry, he's gay" wouldn't start an even worse parental firestorm. As for off-campus, unless it costs less than or equal to what my parents are paying now, it's not possible. They were almost unwilling to let me have a single room, even when I offered to pay the difference. But my dad says I've been "doing well lately" as far as wearing girl clothes (when in reality I'm wearing scenester/emo clothes that look girly to him, and rolling my binder up to my armpits until I get into the car with my boyfriend), and so he's willing to pay extra. I think I can make this work. Maybe I won't be stealth, but I think I'm charming enough that people will be willing to call me the right name and pronouns. Hah..