Quote from: Aiden on August 14, 2008, 04:25:51 PM
Hope goes well. Haven't been able to get any of my family to therapist with me. Kinda afraid to as well.
Dude my hands were trembling while I read my letter! I was terrified too but I'm glad it's over with.
So I really don't even want to think about it right now, cause I have the biggest headache (caused by stressful over-emotional meeting) but I'm letting everyone who I know cares about me and has supported me know how it went. So you guys aren't left out of that loop.
I read them the letter....They both looked like they were gonna cry. And thank GOD I had my therapist there, she got conversation going, got everyone talking and we all talked it out. They think I'm just going through another phase (my dad mostly) because they know I've been trying to figure out who I am....
Mom is supportive though, she's very confused about why I feel this way but she wants me to be happy in the end. It's kinda the reaction I expected from her, so I'm happy. She wanted me to know she loves me no matter what. My mom's a great person and I know this, she accepts people no matter what because she knows there's no changing them! I feel like if there was a motto to describe her it would be "live and let live."
Dad on the other hand....thinks I shoulda told them all of this when I dressed like a boy on our family cruise, for formal night (it's in my avatar) DESPITE the fact that back then I was still trying to cope with the possibility of even BEING trans, and was simply trying out clothes I always wanted to try.
He didn't say all that, but I can tell he thinks I'm a liar because in my letter I said "I haven't really gone through phase 1 of this transition because I want you guys to be a part of it" and he's all "oh but you already cut your hair and started dressing like a guy." .......I told him "well I'm still not comfortable with the idea of chopping off my boobs, so technically I'm in phase one still...." I've always known that whatever I do though, nothing I ever do has ever made him happy so I'm not worried about him. I expected him to be that way. His motto is "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." Cause the old dog is to stubborn to change and to realize that I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago in my "Islam" stage which he brought up repeatedly. Back then I told them I was "thinking" about converting when I had already converted the day before....This is different to me because I still don't feel I know myself well enough to go through with all this let alone tell THEM about it. And I still told them. Which means I thought I had some kind of confidence in the hope that they could see I've changed.
No matter what though, I'm not doing this for my dad and it still hurts that he reacted that way even if I was expecting it. But I love my mom and I thank her for her continued support. I still want to go by "Nathan" in the fall at school, so I'm still going through this appointment I made with a counselor on campus to see if I could do that without having to legally change my name, because I'm not certain I'm ready for that step either no matter how much I love being called Nathaniel.
Thanks to all of you guys. I really just want to go watch movies and not think about this for a while since it's so fresh, but I felt all you guys who wanted to know had a right to know.
