Progress of sorts

[sneakersjay]

My ex has a girlfriend and they're pretty serious.  She knows about me being trans and seems okay with it.

My ex on the other hand is still unsure.

But!

Yesterday this gf of his came to my house to pick up my kids for the weekend.  And she called me Jay!!!  Whoa!!  I haven't asked anyone to call me that yet, so I was blown away.  It was Jay, she, but still.  I'll take it!

Then later I got an email from my ex, and he started it with Hey, J.  I was impressed.

At work later last night a coworker asked if I minded if she called my by "girl name."  I told her I hated my name so I preferred she not.  Later she apologized for overstepping bounds, and I said no, it's not that, I just hate my name.  But, you know you could just call me Jay (I'm not out at work).  Cuz I call my son D, and my daughter L, so why not call me Jay?  She said sounds good!

Jay

[Janet_Girl]

Hey Jay Honey,

At least it is something from your ex. 
That is a sneaky way to get your co-workers to call you by your real name.  I love it.  But why would she ask if she could call by that name.  Is she new?  Or is something going around.  The rumor mill can crank up at any time. 

Mistress Janet

[Krisstina]

cute little tickers Good Luck to you both


Kristina

[tekla]

I guess that is one way of seeing it.  But I think the more she can marginalize you to him, and then to the kids, the closer she is to getting what she wants - which is you out of the picture.  And, does she have some sort of custody over them?  If not, why do you hand them over to her?

[Dennis]

Keeping things friendly among the adults is absolutely the best thing for the kids imo. Treating their overtures with suspicion and being hostile would be very bad for the kids. The more adults kids have in their lives who care for them, the better. So letting the ex's girlfriend take them is a good thing imo.

Dennis

[sneakersjay]

I guess that is one way of seeing it.  But I think the more she can marginalize you to him, and then to the kids, the closer she is to getting what she wants - which is you out of the picture.  And, does she have some sort of custody over them?  If not, why do you hand them over to her?

We have 50:50 custody.  The kids spend 5 days with me and the weekends with their dad (not quite 50:50 but close, as he does the driving both ways to drop off and pick up.  GF has no custody of my kids.  Hard to explain but we really do have a friendly divorce. 

Jay

Posted on: August 23, 2008, 07:09:42 AM

Keeping things friendly among the adults is absolutely the best thing for the kids imo. Treating their overtures with suspicion and being hostile would be very bad for the kids. The more adults kids have in their lives who care for them, the better. So letting the ex's girlfriend take them is a good thing imo.

Dennis

Well said.

[Janet_Girl]

Jay,

If the kids are not acting funny or saying anything to you about your transition, I don't think that the GF is getting to them.  Yes she probable is wanting you would go away, but it isn't like you are still with the ex.  You have moved on.  And the kids are old enough to show signs of stress.  She may not even want to kids around, some women are like that.

Until you see the kids acting down, depressed, or just the total opposite of their normal selves.  You are with them during the week and have been for most of their live, you know them. I don't think that there much to worry in that respect.

Janet