Trust issues with therapy

[Brianne]

Hi,

I recently moved to a new state for a new job and I've been hesitant about finding a new therapist.  I had been seeing a therapist in the state I used to live for about four months.  My old therapist was constantly questioning whether I had gender issues, she seemed convinced that I was a gay man who was uncomfortable with being gay, hence I wanted to be a transsexual so that I would be "normal."  Has anyone else had this happen?  I figure therapist are going to ask tough questions and force you to examine your life but I've been hesitant to find a new one.  I don't want to be in therapy with someone who will tell me what I want to hear but at the same time I don't want to waste my time or money with a therapist who isn't listening to me because I don't fit into their preconceived notions of who a transsexual is supposed to be. 

How do you know when your therapist is right for you?  Is it something you just feel once you start talking with them?  I'm sorry to ask such a wide open question, but I really need to talk to someone about this now.

Thanks,
Bree

[Stealthgrrl]

When I went to my PCP and told her I was trans and beginning to transition, I got the same rigmarole. She asked if some boyfriend had talked me into it. (Hello, I don't date men) and refused to prescribe my estrogen for me, because she couldn't "prescribe against label", in other words, to a man.

I got a new doctor.

Stealth

[Yochanan]

At the end of my first session, I told my therapist I had "gender issues". The next time, she asked me about it again and I started talking. She asked a couple questions and eventually I was leaning forward, tears in my eyes, voice shaking, hands shaking, explaining how these things on my chest are just not part of me. I think she got it after that. I think I'm lucky; I got a good one on my first try.

[sneakersjay]

Talking to a therapist is good, but talking to one who doesn't understand transsexuality is a waste of time.

My first therapist, who I had been seeing for 3 years since my divorce, didn't understand.  At first she said she could help; then basically tried to talk me out of transitioning, telling me the usual:  You'll lose your family, your kids, your job.  Don't transition.  Be happy. 

There is some truth in that, I totally understand that some guys and girls do lose everything when they come out and begin transition.  I'm not naive.  But to basically say to stay in the closet was not very helpful.

To have a therapist basically spout stereotypical uneducated nonsense is bogus.  Find a good gender therapist who understands that we (you) are not mentally ill, not closeted gays (would someone really go to such lengths as transitioning to avoid admitting being gay?!  Seriously?!!!), and who can help you understand yourself and help with transition when/if you choose to.

Good luck!

Jay

[NicholeW.]

Hmm, interesting perhaps I was thinking of you today, Brianne. Just published thoughts about therapy on my blog.

You want to find someone who is somewhat knowledgable, but also try to find someone who you are not simply paying for a letter, someone with whom you can develop a realtionship with that will allow you to actually work of your issues, not your GID.

That is simply my opinion, but one I have come to after years of actual practice.

Nichole