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whose spouse was ready?????

Started by mickie88, August 27, 2008, 08:29:29 AM

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mickie88

ok, i admit i may not have talked to her about it, recently especially about the work thing. she wants me to slow down. i'm not even on hormones yet, i just got my approval letter from my therapist. she hates that. she's worried about the kids, especially since she's prego, understandable. i feel, imo, that this isn't something she'd EVER be ready for, it's something only we can do when we're ready. i feel if i waited till she was ready, i'd lose her tho i may end up doing that anyway. or that if i waited, i'd be too old and just die bald and fat, like every other genetic man on the planet. she argues that she married a man, not a woman and i tell her i thought she married ME, period, but sometimes i guess i'm wrong, which is about all the time anymore.

i'd like to know, as i am sure so would she: whose spouse was ready for their partners transition?

clarification: i'd put this in the spouse section, but i'd actually like those who have transitioned or are in the process to answer.

Thanks
Warrior Princess Mickie
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Nigella

I don't think any partner is ready for this kind of bomb shell. My SO says the same, she married a man. In all honesty we do change even if we are the same person as far as we are concerned, we are not to them.

Love does go a long way, the best I could come up with is friendship as my SO wanted me to be happy. It means leaving though which is tough. May be the book, "She isn't the man I married" would be helpful to both of you (from Amazon I think). It is written from the SO standpoint and is about a couple who stayed together (rare).

hope that helps

Nigella
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vanna

#2
yes its rather a big bombshell and still be living with your SO too
i admire you, im just friends with mine now but i took the hint when she moved 8000 miles away.

Great news about the letter though mickie, have you set a timeplan for yourself?
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mickie88

vanna, i've told her, that it'll take about two to five years, surgery to do costs may wait much longer. and yes we are trying to live together as spouses, it's extremely hard for her. i'm sorry to hear that with yours, darling. if she did that to me that'd probably be the end of me.


Warrior Princess Mickie
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vanna

yes Mickie hun it nearly was for me and at the worst possible time in my life too,

well im still here so thats the good news. Yes a nice timeline i really hope you manage to work it out i wish i had said what you said though that she married you not the male its very to the point and sums it up when you sit down and think about it.

A deep subject i guess but some couples work through it so that must mean theres hope for us all.
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Renate

Quote from: The Only Warrior Princess Mickie on August 27, 2008, 08:29:29 AM
... if i waited, I'd be too old and just die bald and fat, like every other genetic man on the planet.
Yup. That thought is motivation enough for a lot of us.

The book mentioned above is:
She's Not the Man I Married (2007) - Helen Boyd * Amazon * WorldCat
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alexkidd

My partner was so understanding and encouraging at the start. She always would call me her boy, call my by my male name, look at ftm stuff and ops with me. She even told me that she loved me and thats all that mattered.

I was blown away and generally suprised. So was my therapsit. I love her lots and was shooked that she was dealing with it so easily.

However last week when I announced I had made a appointment to go see a doctor (who can prescribe me T), she freaked out and all this crap that she wanted to say but didn't came out and left me very confused and upset.

I thought our relationship was better then lying to make the other person feel more comvertable. She said she would call me my male name still but didn't know if she would cope with me being on T, and that I should hold off till after christmas. (Wtf? Why?)

I was stunned and a bit pissed off, so I left for work and neither of us has mentioned it agian. Kind of awkward since our relationship has always been open and great.

Even though I love her lots, I'm knid of having the same thoughts. If I wait until she is ready, it might never happen.

I wonder is anyone succesfully transions in a relationship?
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myles

My SO seems more ready than I am for the process to start. The first few months were hard on her now she is waiting for me to make the first move. I should definitely be greatful and I am, now I just have to get my head wrapped around it all and get moving.
My  new insurance kicks in Nov  1 and I'll go to a  gender therapist then, instead of the general therapist I was seeing.
Myles
"A life lived in fear is a life half lived"
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lizard

mine seems ready... She is pushing me to start and doesnt want me to wait at all to see therapists and start hrt.  Shes even being incredibly flexible with moving to a new location.. and working out ways for me to move sooner so I can get started right away.  SHes absolutly wonderful, and I just hope she stays so supportive.

in her words: "you wernt happy, now i finally know what can make you happy"
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Janet_Girl

My ex wasn't ready.  She became verbally abusive and would not even talk to me.  We have separated and have never spoke since.  I miss her because she was a good friend, but now she doesn't want anything from me.

I hope you and your wife can come to some kind of agreement.

Janet
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