Yes,
definitely had the urge to spontaneously out myself, particularly to my Mum. There was a period a couple of months ago when I desperately wanted to tell her, and a couple of times I almost did - inhaled, opened my mouth.....then thought better of it. I think the only thing that stopped me from saying "Hey Mum, I'm transgender" was the fear of her not knowing at all what I was talking about, and so not taking me seriously, OR, *
sort of* understanding, but not *quite*, and so getting it wrong, and therefore getting me wrong. (Like in a foreign language, the most dangerous words are the ones that
look like words from your native language, but which mean something completely different, e.g. "embarazada" (Spanish) looks like "embarrassed", but actually means "pregnant"). I guess it really boils down to knowing that what you tell someone cannot be untold, that once they've heard it it's forever there in their head, and that what is now in their head forever changes how they perceive you, regardless of whether that perception is correct or not. I was terrified (and still am) of telling Mum that I'm transgender and her equating it *exactly* with being transsexual, and so changing her idea of me into an idea of me that's not quite true (if that makes sense). So I still haven't told her yet, nor anyone else in my family.
Out to three friends, though. The first friend is gay, so he's generally fairly accepting. That was actually the only instance when I've given in to the "need to tell someone!" feeling. I was surfing Wikipedia, found the
Gender section, read stuff, and it *really* clicked, like the entire
universe, not just the planets, had come into alignment, and I just *had* to tell someone, and he was the best person to do so. My other two friends were talking to friend #1 about how I'd recently started wearing guys' clothes, and how much happier I was, and so I think they sort of figured it out for themselves (they were the ones to ask me if anything was up, anyway).
I don't know, it's hard when you *really* want to tell people but are unable, for one reason or another. I don't know if this -
http://glccs.org.au/coming_out.html#out - will help (it's actually for sexuality, not gender issues, but it's still about coming out), but it has some interesting points to consider in the "Coming Out" section. (It has a point on people seeing it as "just a phase", which I guess is another reason my parents are still in the dark. Rather they didn't know than have them convince themselves - and others - that it's just something I'll eventually get over).
So yeah... hope that helped a bit...
Lutin
