Resistance to transitioning.

[icontact]

I've spent my whole life denying that I was into girls, and finally accepting myself, and being paranoid nobody else would accept me, and realizing that I was accepted as a lesbian, getting to know the gay community, making them a part of my life, accepting that I was different, developing all those witty remarks about homosexuality, becoming proud of being gay, and on and on. My whole life has revolved around being a lesbian.

And now I realize that I'm a guy.
Just your average, technically bi-curious, but pretty much straight guy.

I want so bad to be your average guy. I wish my parents were accepting so I could don a tux in two years and take my girl to senior prom. I want to try all those stereotypical things, like taking a girl to the movies and spending the time wondering how to subtly drop my arm around her. I wanna drive her home and win football games and get the letterman jacket. This is never going to happen, but maybe in college.

And in spite of all this, I find myself resisting this. It's like I feel like wow, well this is boring. Because I don't believe in coming out as a transgender, and "stealth" shouldn't really exist since none of us is "hiding" anything, we are being ourselves, fixing our "birth defects," as some of us like to call it. I no longer get a free pass into the gay community, even though as much as people like to lump the T on the end of GLBT, it is an entirely different thing. I'm one of those people that the gay community looks down on in a way, the people that I myself have poked fun at and called a "breeder." Now I'm the complete opposite of how I've been my whole life.

I no longer have a place to fit in.

[Elwood]

When I was young I was 100% into boys. As I grew older, boys started making me feel very insecure about my body. Since penis transplants aren't available to the public, I don't feel like I can ever have a sexual relationship with a man without comparing myself to him constantly. I think a woman will be much more healthier for me psychologically. Plus, girls are much sweeter. And they're cute. I never noticed it before, but I love them. Heck, especially lesbians. Unfortunately, lesbians don't want to be with a transman! Although, maybe some of them would be willing to give it a try... One girl I met on Thursday is very cute... she's bisexual. Lucky me! Heheh.

I realized that I'm a guy... That changed everything. Instead of looking at queer people and supporting them as a heterosexual girl... I am now one of those queers. I want to be an average guy. But I'm just below the par in every way. I don't have a penis, I'm about 8 or 9 inches too short, I'm tiny... Testosterone and surgery should fix the rest but I'm missing some key components of manhood.

I went to senior prom in a suit. This is the only good picture I have:

(And no, she wasn't my date; I had no date.)

In that picture, I had my shades off. The suit was donned with an excuse:
Elwood: Mother dearest, my Senior Prom is at the most fabulous of venues.
Mother: Ah, dear spawn of mine, wherest thou Prom?
Elwood: Come hither! It is at thine edge of 5th and 6th by the lovely Downtown San Diego slums. The House of Blues!
Mother: Ah, fie!
Elwood: Yes, t'is true! I shall attend as an Elwood impersonator, and thoust cans't stopith me! Muahahah.

And there I went impersonating the infamous Elwood J. Blues. I was, however, so wired on brownies and spinach artichoke dip that I failed my duties and never took to the stage. In that picture I had been sweating for a couple hours and completely dropped my character. It is unfortunate. But the night was still golden.

Would I have ever worn a tux? Absolutely not. I'm a suit kind of man. And my wife/husband-to-be will argue, because I will not be wearing a tux to our wedding. I'd almost rather wear a wedding gown than a tux!

So, dating girls like a man? I really haven't had that opportunity. Although one of my friends has a little crush on me... but I am her protector. I don't want to sweep her off her feet necessarily... especially since I'm 500 miles away from her and will be for a long time. I don't want to put that pressure on her... I don't want to make her commit to a long distance relationship while she's still in high school. But in a small way, I've fallen for her. But I want her to be happy.


I want transition. It's going to be wonderful. I only worry about my anatomy. The fact that I don't have the right parts. I worry that I won't ever be able to please a partner or myself with my mixed body. That is all I am worried about.

I am still part of the gay community. Why? Because I'm still questioning my sexuality. I also love those people, and I will still support them. Every girl that has liked me that I know of is a bisexual. That would also make me an ally to the LGB side of things. I am also the T that ends it all, and I will be part of that. I lack transpride. I am not proud of being trans. But I will accept it and do my best to help others on their path.

I personally don't mind not fitting in. I don't have to be "in." I can be "on." I can latch onto the side of things, provide insight, give help, love, and then detach from that group and hook "on" to another. See? Not fitting in means I have no deep commitment to any particular group.

[Jack Daniels]

Yeah, I hate when people say Im "decieving" them when I dress like a guy, I honestly believe I would be decieving them if I were to dress like a female. But no....no one seems to understand that. I m tired of fittin in with anyone, freespeech... fittin in is overated

[Elwood]

Personally, I have never been told I was "deceiving" anyone by presenting as male. I'm lucky. But I'm sure someday I'll hear it. Until then, I'm not sure what that feels like.

[icontact]

I personally don't mind not fitting in. I don't have to be "in." I can be "on." I can latch onto the side of things, provide insight, give help, love, and then detach from that group and hook "on" to another. See? Not fitting in means I have no deep commitment to any particular group.

That's a pretty interesting way to look at it. I dunno. I spent all of elementary school being the freak that everyone laughed at and thought that everyone was their friend and didn't realize until much later afterwards. After that realization I've always had a "fitting in" problem.

And I always have failed to see the difference between a suit and a tux. Me, I think blazers are the bomb. Formal menswear is fail.

[Elwood]

I was teased too. Hell, I was accused of having a penis so many times. When I was a little kid, that was humiliating. Now I wish people would still accuse me of that, lol...

Tuxes are fancier, more expensive, and have a shiny part on it... sometimes a fancy stripe on the pants. They're also usually thinner than suits. And suits rock. No exceptions.

Okay, the one exception is Blues Brothers 2000, the worst sequel in history.



*shudder* I'm still traumatized 10 years later.

[Adam]

Well I thought I was a lesbian too till just a while ago. Never had any relationship though. Don't really know any girls that would be interested dating a guy like me. I do have one bisexual friend, but she told me she wasn't interested in me that way. Well, I only really saw her as a friend anyways so it didn't bother me. Though I can't wait to find that one girl (or boy if that how it ultimately turns out, even though I've never really gone that way  )

[Nero]

When I was young I was 100% into boys. As I grew older, boys started making me feel very insecure about my body. Since penis transplants aren't available to the public, I don't feel like I can ever have a sexual relationship with a man without comparing myself to him constantly. I think a woman will be much more healthier for me psychologically. Plus, girls are much sweeter. And they're cute. I never noticed it before, but I love them. Heck, especially lesbians. Unfortunately, lesbians don't want to be with a transman! Although, maybe some of them would be willing to give it a try... One girl I met on Thursday is very cute... she's bisexual. Lucky me! Heheh.

I realized that I'm a guy... That changed everything. Instead of looking at queer people and supporting them as a heterosexual girl... I am now one of those queers. I want to be an average guy. But I'm just below the par in every way. I don't have a penis, I'm about 8 or 9 inches too short, I'm tiny... Testosterone and surgery should fix the rest but I'm missing some key components of manhood.

I went to senior prom in a suit. This is the only good picture I have:

(And no, she wasn't my date; I had no date.)

In that picture, I had my shades off. The suit was donned with an excuse:
Elwood: Mother dearest, my Senior Prom is at the most fabulous of venues.
Mother: Ah, dear spawn of mine, wherest thou Prom?
Elwood: Come hither! It is at thine edge of 5th and 6th by the lovely Downtown San Diego slums. The House of Blues!
Mother: Ah, fie!
Elwood: Yes, t'is true! I shall attend as an Elwood impersonator, and thoust cans't stopith me! Muahahah.

And there I went impersonating the infamous Elwood J. Blues. I was, however, so wired on brownies and spinach artichoke dip that I failed my duties and never took to the stage. In that picture I had been sweating for a couple hours and completely dropped my character. It is unfortunate. But the night was still golden.

Would I have ever worn a tux? Absolutely not. I'm a suit kind of man. And my wife/husband-to-be will argue, because I will not be wearing a tux to our wedding. I'd almost rather wear a wedding gown than a tux!

So, dating girls like a man? I really haven't had that opportunity. Although one of my friends has a little crush on me... but I am her protector. I don't want to sweep her off her feet necessarily... especially since I'm 500 miles away from her and will be for a long time. I don't want to put that pressure on her... I don't want to make her commit to a long distance relationship while she's still in high school. But in a small way, I've fallen for her. But I want her to be happy.


I want transition. It's going to be wonderful. I only worry about my anatomy. The fact that I don't have the right parts. I worry that I won't ever be able to please a partner or myself with my mixed body. That is all I am worried about.

I am still part of the gay community. Why? Because I'm still questioning my sexuality. I also love those people, and I will still support them. Every girl that has liked me that I know of is a bisexual. That would also make me an ally to the LGB side of things. I am also the T that ends it all, and I will be part of that. I lack transpride. I am not proud of being trans. But I will accept it and do my best to help others on their path.

I personally don't mind not fitting in. I don't have to be "in." I can be "on." I can latch onto the side of things, provide insight, give help, love, and then detach from that group and hook "on" to another. See? Not fitting in means I have no deep commitment to any particular group.

Holy manure Dan! Why wasn't she your date? She's smoking! My god look at how she fills out that dress!

[Elwood]

I went to senior prom in a suit. This is the only good picture I have:
(And no, she wasn't my date; I had no date.)

Holy manure Dan! Why wasn't she your date? She's smoking! My god look at how she fills out that dress!

LMAO! She has a boyfriend! Plus, back then, I wasn't out. Everyone thought I was just... gender-confused or a lesbian back then.

[Adam]

When I was young I was 100% into boys. As I grew older, boys started making me feel very insecure about my body. Since penis transplants aren't available to the public, I don't feel like I can ever have a sexual relationship with a man without comparing myself to him constantly. I think a woman will be much more healthier for me psychologically. Plus, girls are much sweeter. And they're cute. I never noticed it before, but I love them. Heck, especially lesbians. Unfortunately, lesbians don't want to be with a transman! Although, maybe some of them would be willing to give it a try... One girl I met on Thursday is very cute... she's bisexual. Lucky me! Heheh.

I realized that I'm a guy... That changed everything. Instead of looking at queer people and supporting them as a heterosexual girl... I am now one of those queers. I want to be an average guy. But I'm just below the par in every way. I don't have a penis, I'm about 8 or 9 inches too short, I'm tiny... Testosterone and surgery should fix the rest but I'm missing some key components of manhood.

I went to senior prom in a suit. This is the only good picture I have:

(And no, she wasn't my date; I had no date.)

In that picture, I had my shades off. The suit was donned with an excuse:
Elwood: Mother dearest, my Senior Prom is at the most fabulous of venues.
Mother: Ah, dear spawn of mine, wherest thou Prom?
Elwood: Come hither! It is at thine edge of 5th and 6th by the lovely Downtown San Diego slums. The House of Blues!
Mother: Ah, fie!
Elwood: Yes, t'is true! I shall attend as an Elwood impersonator, and thoust cans't stopith me! Muahahah.

And there I went impersonating the infamous Elwood J. Blues. I was, however, so wired on brownies and spinach artichoke dip that I failed my duties and never took to the stage. In that picture I had been sweating for a couple hours and completely dropped my character. It is unfortunate. But the night was still golden.

Would I have ever worn a tux? Absolutely not. I'm a suit kind of man. And my wife/husband-to-be will argue, because I will not be wearing a tux to our wedding. I'd almost rather wear a wedding gown than a tux!

So, dating girls like a man? I really haven't had that opportunity. Although one of my friends has a little crush on me... but I am her protector. I don't want to sweep her off her feet necessarily... especially since I'm 500 miles away from her and will be for a long time. I don't want to put that pressure on her... I don't want to make her commit to a long distance relationship while she's still in high school. But in a small way, I've fallen for her. But I want her to be happy.


I want transition. It's going to be wonderful. I only worry about my anatomy. The fact that I don't have the right parts. I worry that I won't ever be able to please a partner or myself with my mixed body. That is all I am worried about.

I am still part of the gay community. Why? Because I'm still questioning my sexuality. I also love those people, and I will still support them. Every girl that has liked me that I know of is a bisexual. That would also make me an ally to the LGB side of things. I am also the T that ends it all, and I will be part of that. I lack transpride. I am not proud of being trans. But I will accept it and do my best to help others on their path.

I personally don't mind not fitting in. I don't have to be "in." I can be "on." I can latch onto the side of things, provide insight, give help, love, and then detach from that group and hook "on" to another. See? Not fitting in means I have no deep commitment to any particular group.

Holy manure Dan! Why wasn't she your date? She's smoking! My god look at how she fills out that dress!

Just who was she? She's pretty hot. I'm almost surprised that dress is staying wear it should.

[Elwood]

Just who was she? She's pretty hot. I'm almost surprised that dress is staying wear it should.

A friend. We were both seniors. 

I was surprised, too. But she managed to keep them in there. 

[Adam]

Just who was she? She's pretty hot. I'm almost surprised that dress is staying wear it should.

A friend. We were both seniors. 

I was surprised, too. But she managed to keep them in there. 

She must have used safety pins or something like that.

[Osiris]

I hear they use double sided tape... I wonder if getting out of the dress is like ripping off bandaids.

<--- Suits ftw yo.

[Elwood]

<--- Suits ftw yo.

LMFAO. That's practically what I'm wearing except my shirt is plaid.



Hmm... maybe that should be my new avatar.

[trapthavok]

Holy manure Dan! Why wasn't she your date? She's smoking! My god look at how she fills out that dress!

HAHAHAHA ohhhh I love being surrounded by testosterone. Because that was my first reaction too

Yeah, I hate when people say Im "decieving" them when I dress like a guy, I honestly believe I would be decieving them if I were to dress like a female. But no....no one seems to understand that. I m tired of fittin in with anyone, freespeech... fittin in is overated

I've never been accused of "decieving" anyone...At least not out loud/to my face. I did have an embarassing moment however a couple of times this week where my legal name was revealed and new classmates have gone "OHHH IT'S A GIRL LOLOL" or the people in the food court start debating about how you can tell someone is a girl while i'm standing there. That's almost as bad I guess. And yes, fitting in is definitely overrated. Those people aren't going to stop me from dressing the way I like, or being me. God knows they'd stopped me too many times in the past.

I want so bad to be your average guy. I wish my parents were accepting so I could don a tux in two years and take my girl to senior prom. I want to try all those stereotypical things, like taking a girl to the movies and spending the time wondering how to subtly drop my arm around her. I wanna drive her home and win football games and get the letterman jacket. This is never going to happen, but maybe in college.

As stereotypical as what you said probably sounds, I somewhat agree. I wish I had gone to senior prom in a suit or tux (am I missing the difference here? what's so bad about tuxes?) with my smokin date. I wish I had gone to the movie theaters obsessing over how to make the first move. I wish I had played football, but I sort of learned how to help myself cope with not having that: I tell myself regardless male/female, I probably wouldn't have been able to play anyway cause I have no stamina due to sickle cell. Morbid way to cheer myself up but it works.

[Elwood]

LOL! My first reaction was, "HI THERE." And she was like, "LET'S TAKE A PICTURE TOGETHER!" And I was like, *drool* "Okay."

[Adam]

LOL! My first reaction was, "HI THERE." And she was like, "LET'S TAKE A PICTURE TOGETHER!" And I was like, *drool* "Okay."

lol Would have been my reaction as well. Only I don't think my eyes would be facing the camera.

[Elwood]

LOL! My first reaction was, "HI THERE." And she was like, "LET'S TAKE A PICTURE TOGETHER!" And I was like, *drool* "Okay."

lol Would have been my reaction as well. Only I don't think my eyes would be facing the camera.

LOL. I got used to her boobs. I'd been in a science class with her all year. "Ah, yes, there they are. I mean there she is." We'd joke about it sometimes, actually. Haha. She's used to guys going ga-ga over 'em. Although, at the time, I was a "girl." But she knew different. I think she always knew this about me... that I was different.

[Adam]

LOL! My first reaction was, "HI THERE." And she was like, "LET'S TAKE A PICTURE TOGETHER!" And I was like, *drool* "Okay."

lol Would have been my reaction as well. Only I don't think my eyes would be facing the camera.

LOL. I got used to her boobs. I'd been in a science class with her all year. "Ah, yes, there they are. I mean there she is." We'd joke about it sometimes, actually. Haha. She's used to guys going ga-ga over 'em. Although, at the time, I was a "girl." But she knew different. I think she always knew this about me... that I was different.

She almost reminds me of a girl at my school. One that always wore shirts that revealed her cleavage. Wonder if she's returning this year or heading off to university or something. I guess I'll find out tomorrow (which rather sucks, why oh why did I choose to return for an extra year?).

[Elwood]

She almost reminds me of a girl at my school. One that always wore shirts that revealed her cleavage. Wonder if she's returning this year or heading off to university or something. I guess I'll find out tomorrow (which rather sucks, why oh why did I choose to return for an extra year?).

Haha. This girl wears t-shirts a lot. She only shows her bewbage for special occasions.