Am I worrying about nothing ?

[chrerry]

I've been on this site for a while but haven't be here to visit for a while with a lot of sickness in my family and losing my dad it's been a little rough but to come to the point I have been with my cd'er for over 2 years and we are getting married in Fed. which I can hardly wait for, I'm 59 but when I met my so I didn't know anything about cding or how they feel and I actually didn't know until we had dated for 6 months but when told it didn't make any difference because I already love him for who he is . He had 3 previous marriages that didn't work but he could never be himself and when we met he said it was the first time in his life that he has been with someone that truly loved him for who he is. I turst him and love him as he is, but this is all new to her. she now has the freedom to feel and be what he/she want and I love him/her just the way they are very tender. My problem is this: Now that the freedom has come will I lose him/her we are older and our live's are simple but her freedom can sometimes make me worry what could happen. We belong to another site also and sometimes it really bothers me that she gets all these messages from other cd'er and just men  saying how sexy she is or would she like to hook up , I know in my heart he would never cheat on me he is way to honest, we know everything about each other and talk all the time, but I was in a marriage for 39 years where 29 years of it my hubby cheated on me only the last 10 years was he faithful and that was because he was ill and he passed 3 years ago, but I carry that fear of always being hurt or worry that someday he will leave. I have read so much here and on other sites where so many are going through tans: or where they now have feeling that they don't know what they want, I guess I worry about that and about losing him. Am I just worrying for nothing , he say he has no interest in the messages he get but I m so afraid when he starts chatting with them things will change thank you for listening...cherry

[chrerry]

Heart thank you for replying and yes it did help. I have been working on the jealousy thing and found out part of mine stems from fear, the fear of losing someone that you care about so much. I totally turst my cd'er I know she would never cheat on me but the fears are so hard to get rid of after so many years. We talk about everything and share everything. I did send a message to one of the girls contacting him and I did it in a very nice way letting her know he was taken but his choices were his. It does hurt when so many people hit on her, it makes me feel unworthy and he always tells me he has no interest in anyone else so I guess I just need to work more on my own feelings and try to get over this. I guess I lose a lot of self-esteem in my marriage not being sure of myself in anything, so I'm also trying to work on that...chrerry

[TamTam]

Think about it this way: Other people may be hitting on him, but you're the one who has him.  It doesn't make you unworthy at all; it makes you the one who everyone else is jealous of.   And of course you're worthy of him!  You are a good, kind person who understands who he is and lets him express himself, and he chose you.  Don't ever feel unworthy just because some randoms online are telling him he's hot.  If that kind of talk made people cheat, then cheating would be faaar more common.

If he says he isn't interested in them, then believe him.  I know it can be hard to be trusting after being betrayed for so long by somebody else.. but that was somebody else.  Your current husband is a different person. 🙂

[Windrider]

Hi, cherry! Welcome to Susan's

I had to ponder my reply to you for a bit before actually writing it down. I don't know much about crossdressing, but I do understand the fear of being cheated on.

You were hurt in the past, and hurt badly and it takes time for that fear to go away and trust to replace it. I think you're doing very well by asking about your (very understandable) fears. One suggestion I can think to give is to get to know your husband's feminine side. Go out together; have fun together. These days two women out for a drink or dinner or whatever don't automatically get assumed to be lesbian. This could help you see that she isn't going anywhere and also help you feel less left out. For example, some of the things Dani and I are looking forward to after she transitions are doing things like manicure/pedicures together, shopping, etc. You know, girly stuff 🙂 But that doesn't mean we'll abandon our current hobbies of motorcycling and history and computers. We'll just add to 'em 🙂 Please try talking to your husband about how you feel and be honest, because it's possible that your husband doesn't realize how you feel.

The only other advice I can give is to echo what TamTam said. Whose bed is your husband in at night? (BTW, that's how Dani put it to me very early on in our relationship 🙂 )

WR

[chrerry]

thank you both for your reply. Last night we had a very nice talk and I feel better about it, I do trust him and love him..I have tried to make him/her comfortable we went on vacation and it was her first time out and very hard for her but once we were out it was not to bad I want them to be happy in every way, and your right he comes home every night something I'm so thankful for as I never had that before to know the person I love will be home each and every night. I have been working on my fears and hope that soon they will just vanish and I will be free of fear for the first time...chrerry