Quote from: trapthavok on September 11, 2008, 09:15:01 PM
Ah see....I said somewhere in a previous post that I didn't state my feelings because I thought the reason I was feeling them was because I was making things up in my head. Like say.... "How can you trust your best friend enough to give her a key to your room and not me? I thought we were best friends too..." Basically she knew I didn't live on campus, so I really wanted a place to shower, but would never let me shower at her place unless we were coming from the gym or something together. That one I let go because I figured it was all in my head. I was hurt that she didn't trust me to the level I trusted her, but I figured, maybe we're not on the same level of friendship as I had thought. Scenario 1. 2 was when we repeatedly flirted (I'm a flirt like I said) and she made it honestly sound like she was interested in me, and I began to take her seriously, AND KEPT GIVING HER WARNINGS that if she continued that way I might take her seriously and think she was interested in me, and I don't know what she thought..... And eventually I did start taking her seriously and kept telling her I was then eventually I mentioned something, and finally it got out in the open that she wasn't interested in me that way....and I was like "WTF 
i TOLD you man..." And she apologized for "leading me on" but gave no reason for rejecting me really. Um there's a 3rd one somewhere but I have a headache, it's late.... (lol it hurts so bad that I almost wrote I'm late).
Basically the point is I never stated my feelings because it was all in my head, and I probably just hurt myself for all I know. In any normal situation where a friend hurt me, I would let them know so they don't repeat it again, but I feel like people will think I'm crazy if I tell them they hurt me for something that wasn't there.
But that's the thing, sweetie. People
won't think you're crazy for telling them the way you're feeling. You can't hurt yourself for no reason, and if what someone said or did was an influence on how you feel, then you should say something. If only to get everything out in the open and avoid you feeling exactly this way.
For what it's worth, I would probably have been hurt, too, with the key issue. But there are a few reasons why she didn't want to give you one that may have more to do with her emotional state than your friendship with her and how much it meant to her.
I mean, did you ask her for a key? Did the other person ask her for a key? Something like that isn't something you enter into lightly... it's letting someone into your personal space. And... from what else you've told me, she seems like the kind of person who would be naturally guarded about giving a key to her room to someone who tugs on the strings of romantic attachment. I mean, if she's so awkward with regard to talking about relationships and all that goes with it... maybe she has issues in her past that led to her feeling that way. In that case, maybe she thought that giving you a key was more symbolic of something 'more' than you thought it was.
It's one thing to give a key to someone you know nothing will ever happen with and you would never be put in a position where you'd feel uncomfortable talking about it, but if you flirt with her and she doesn't say anything to the contrary...
Hmm... how can I explain this? I think it's possible something bad happened to your friend that she doesn't like or want to talk about. Something... probably to do with a past relationship. This caused her to shy away from her own feelings and sense of self worth, which was likely dealt a huge blow by whatever happened, and compensate by busying herself with other people's feelings and activities so she doesn't have to.
Because of this, she can't express romantic feelings or at least feels awkward about doing so, and... is maybe afraid of being assertive about the way she feels when someone expresses an interest towards her (as your flirting may have been percieved to have done). Some people could be so afraid of being rejected that they'll act like they're interested if only for the attention and to feel as though they mean something to someone.
"Well... I'm not really interested in him that way, more as a friend, but I dare not say anything because... when I put up resistance the last time I was in this situation <insert bad thing> happened."
Maybe she thought that the best way to handle the situation was by letting you flirt with her, because she maybe was afraid of what would happen if she told you straight out.
Or maybe flirting back is the only way she knows how to deal with being flirted with. Maybe that's all she's used to.
I guess my point (er... there is one, I think) is that a person's reaction to something you do, and the things they do, aren't necessarily anything to do with the way they feel about you and how much you mean to them. You can't know what's gone on in every person's life to make them the way they are. You can't know what good things and bad things have happened to them that have influenced the way they behave and how they percieve the world.
And sometimes you just have to take into account that the way a person is, is more to do with them and what's happened to them, than because of anything you've done and said.
The same is true of you, too, Nate. People don't automatically know why you might get your feelings hurt by things, or why you feel the way you feel about things, unless you get it out in the open. Like you have here *hugs*. Because everyone sees the world differently, from a different angle, and what matters to one may be something that wouldn't matter to anyone else. And what matters to them wouldn't matter to you. It's all a matter of perception and allowing for people's unique personalities and viewpoints.
So if something hurts your feelings then you should talk about it. Tell the person why you feel the way you feel, then it can be dealt with. If you explain to people that you have issue X because of situation Y then you may find that it was something they hadn't even thought about... and will see why it hurt you if you explain it. Make your point of view known, find out their point of view, and see where they meet. That's how problems are solved, honey. *big hug*
If it matters to you, Nate, then it matters. Period. And while feelings may be all in the mind, so is our perception of everything around us, and everyone else, and consequently the way we live our lives. You have the same right to not be hurt as everyone else, and because of this you also have the same right to say something when you are.
Quote from: cindybc on September 11, 2008, 07:12:29 PM
Hi Leiandra, Ohhhh yesss, "Wow!!" "Holy smokes!!" I do know what you speak of, something attracted me to you to start with about at least a couple dozen posts back, I beleive the correct expressions here, is, **as it should be** and **synchronicity** the land where there is no such thing as coincidences, or random occurrences, but more like harmonious parallel occurrences and intuition, the little voice, empathy and other sensitivities that enable us to feel and know things on a more intense or higher level of consciousness.
Well I have been an empath since as long as since I was a little kid about as long as I have known I was different and my desires were also different. I do beleive that my sensitivities have intensified since the introduction of HRT. Well I tried to bring the topic of empathy up a few times and nearly got tarred and feathered for the attempt. It is nice to meet a sister and to me that is what you are. Coincidence? Nope, not at all.
Well now, blow me dry and call me dusty, just this past week I met a couple of other ladies at a meetup who were both at about the same level of development as I am, actually I had a feeling Patricia was more evolved then I was possibly more then anyone else sitting at the table. But how wonderful to have met those two ladies, precious, and now you, and that isn't no coincidence either. I beleive we are guided to make contact when the right time comes. My boss or program coordinator at the woman's shelter is also an empath given what she does for work at the woman's shelter I beleive she would have to be empathic to do so.
Just continue to do do what you feel is the right thing to do hon, feel it from inside and the little voice will instruct you as to what to do. Well anyway I will let you have the thread back but I believe it would interesting as to what could develop between us as a friendship. "Damned!" It's not easy to find one another like this.
Cindy
I don't know about actually using a term for anything. That makes me a little uncomfortable. Lol, I already have enough terms to describe myself. But I do know that I pretty much just speak from a place inside that I didn't know existed a little while ago.
I just like helping people, and helping them feel good about themselves. That's all there really is to it. Whatever comes of that, is not for me to say.
I do know a bit about empathy through other circles I move in, and metaphysical subjects in general, but most all I have little aptitude in.
I do listen to my inner voice more than is sometimes wise, lol, and she can be a real grade-A b**ch at times. I have to catch her on a good day.
Thank you very much. *hugs*
