No plans for SRS?

[Alexandra]

Hello all.

I feel like an oddity among the similar in presence because most transsexuals aim for sexual reassignment surgery, but I am not.  I just recently started estradiol injections and spiro and even though I specifically told my doctor I want to remain functional, throughout the two weeks I've been on hormones I feel I'm not getting turned on.

I am a top girl who enjoys the dominant role sexually, so the thought of having a vagina does not appeal to me at all.  I feel completely as a woman, no one is the wiser when I'm out and about, and I'm 20 so it's not like I'm really late and trying to compensate.  I know my preferences and who I am, and I'm comfortable with my genitalia, I would just like to enhance my feminine form.

What I'm asking is this:  Am I at risk for being chemically castrated via hormones in the future?  How am I supposed to balance the fact I enjoy having an erection with taking the necessary steps to be female (without a vagina of course [which doesn't make one a real woman anyway])?

I know you may say my mind may change in the future... but I know of other girls like me who are in their 30's (I've lost touch with them so I'm asking you all) so I know I'm not just crazy or weird for not following the general path of transition.

[Angel_Mapper]

Personally when I was on hormones it never prevented me from getting an erection, it just stopped me from producing any sperm.  It did reduce my sex drive a lot, but not to the point where I never wanted to have sex.

[NomNom]

You're definitely not odd for not planning to have SRS, it's much more common than you would think at first. Though, if you want to keep full functionality and the ->-bleeped-<-ing part is really important to you, a satisfying sexlife is something that you might have to be prepared to give up.

There's no guarantees with sexdrive as everyone reacts differently. It might end up high, it might end up low and it might die completely. But in any case it will grow more feminine. Some parts of your body (your peenor) will become less sensitive, while others (like your skin) will grow more sensitive. The sexdrive on hormones is something that fits most who enjoy a bottom role like a glove, but doesn't work to well if you like to do the ->-bleeped-<-ing part yourself.

While your chances of being able to get an erection are pretty good, you will very likely end up at a point where you just can't enjoy sex in the same way that you used to.

[Alexandra]

I have been using Google and stuff for information but it's all the same - SRS, and I feel like there's no perspective for me other than a "she-male" and it's frustrating.  I honestly feel as a woman and I've been socialized as one for years before I started hormone therapy, but I feel like there's only one way to go and I'm going against it.  Which sucks, and I wish I could talk to other girls with my sentiments.

[Natasha]

you've got to talk to your gender therapist about what you've described. by your descriptions, you seem to be "transgender" but not not transsexual.  there's a big difference between being ts and being "gender not conforming".

[Seshatneferw]

there's a big difference between being ts and being "gender not conforming".

There's a difference, sure, but just exactly how big it is is open to debate that tends to escalate to flame wars. Let's not go there. It's off topic for this thread anyway, since the question was a pretty specific one regarding sexual function while on HRT.

So, anyway, if someone has experiences or other knowledge to share on this issue please do so. I'd be interested, too, although for a slightly different reason -- I'm not attached to that part of my anatomy (except in the physical sense ) but its well-being is important to my wife, and because of that I'm very reluctant to go too far.

  Nfr

[NomNom]

It's like asking to be a hippopotamus. No matter how much you want it, it's just not within the realms of reality. Only one thing is guaranteed to keep you functional and that's testosterone. You may keep functionality to some extent, but it wont ever be the same thing.

By the sounds of it you're doing good just dressing and living as a girl? Maybe that's the answer. Hormones does take you the extra mile in terms of passing, but you can still look great without them.

[April221]

If you continue with HRT, you're at risk for losing the ability to father children. Your doctor is supposed to explain this to you. The general guideline is about 4-6 months, after that, you're really asking for trouble. That's why you are advised to use a sperm bank!

You need to understand that the primary thinking with HRT is for use in triadic therapy and treatment, under the Standards of Care, for TS clients. Therapy, HRT, SRS all go together as treatment for profound GID. HRT is not generaly used for feminizing the body alone. Impairment of sexual function can be adjusted, sometimes, by adjusting the dosage and adding Viagra.

As you've been advised by others, please speak to your gender therapist. Educated, imformed consent is essential. You really need to understand what you're doing. HRT is serious stuff. It isn't for fun.

I'm TS. I live and work full time, and am planning SRS next year. For me, I need HRT in part, to reduce my sex drive, and since I live full time as a woman, I definitely do not need an unwanted erection! Hormones will help to feminize my appearance which together with makeup and clothing help me to pass. Unless you're planning on living full time, why would you wish to feminize your body? What would you do if you developed sizeable breasts? Is that what you'd like?

You do not have to have SRS. You do not have to do anything! The point of all of this, is to help you to express your gender awareness, and to be happy. It all depends upon what you need in order to find happiness.

[Alexandra]

Unless you're planning on living full time, why would you wish to feminize your body? What would you do if you developed sizeable breasts? Is that what you'd like?

You do not have to have SRS. You do not have to do anything! The point of all of this, is to help you to express your gender awareness, and to be happy. It all depends upon what you need in order to find happiness.

I am living full time already.  I was living full time before hormones.  I would love to have a more feminized body, but I guess I'll just have to sacrifice my sex drive for it.

[Yvonne]

I'll never understand why some "transsexual" peeps that haven't started the transition process put too much importance in sex drive when they talk about transsexuality.  Is sexual appetite so important that it can change peeps' minds about mones and GRS?  If yes, where's the body dysphoria then? Where's the unrelenting exigency to make their bodies match their gender if they've got other "priorities"?  Don't want to be mean but that sounds to me like something else's going on & not body-mind incompatibility.

[Alexandra]

It's not the number one priority for me, but it is still a priority.  This is what I was talking about in my original post - being made to seem as though I'm not genuine for not following the typical ideals of my body and my gender.  It's not as if I'm a crossdresser taking it too far, I've thought a lot about this but I just wish there was more information for those of us who don't feel like they need a vagina to feel complete.

[Seshatneferw]

Unless you're planning on living full time, why would you wish to feminize your body?

Because for me the physical aspects are more important than the social ones. For me, the primary goal is to get where I'm reasonably comfortable with my body while making as few and small changes as possible. If it turns out that it's easier to pass as a woman than as a man, well, that's the time to transition socially. But it's not at the top of my list of priorities, and once you start looking around it's easy to see some pretty feminine body shapes on people who are unquestionably passing as men. Similarly, I don't really care about preserving my sex drive; I do, however, care very much about my wife, and any possible HRT of mine won't affect her sex drive.

(Yvonne: one of the reasons I'm hesitant about HRT is that currently I don't know how it feels to not have this dysphoria. I'm afraid that once I get a taste of not having it it might be impossible for me to not transition completely, even in a manner that would ruin the lives of a number of people I love very much.)

  Nfr

[Caroline]

I'll never understand why some "transsexual" peeps that haven't started the transition process put too much importance in sex drive when they talk about transsexuality.  Is sexual appetite so important that it can change peeps' minds about mones and GRS?  If yes, where's the body dysphoria then? Where's the unrelenting exigency to make their bodies match their gender if they've got other "priorities"?  Don't want to be mean but that sounds to me like something else's going on & not body-mind incompatibility.

Some people have a far stronger 'sexual appetite' than others and so the importance of ensuring an enjoyable sex life is more important for some than others.  This might be a case of wanting to 'have your cake and eat it too', but making sure that you have explored all the potential options and all the potential effects, positive and negative, is only prudent. 

Don't assume just because someone is asking the questions and getting all the available information about HRT that they don't have a significant desire/need for it... Indeed, read the post just above yours.  As for GRS, for some people their original genitalia is a severe source of dysphoria, to others it's just a small part of your body that most people don't see and not a big deal.  Other 'priorities' may mean that for some, being female bodied everywhere else except the groin is enough, and the benefits of having the original equipment out weigh the need to fix that last little bit.


Alexandra: As for HRT, it's not a binary 'all or nothing' treatment.  Maybe the solution for you would be to start on a low dose and find the point where you get enough feminisation without significantly affecting your sex drive (maybe try just estrogen, without taking other anti-androgenic drugs too).  You may be one of those people who retain functionality even with their T levels well suppressed, I was certainly functional right up to the day I had surgery and I know a lot of other people who were too.  Also bear in mind that even if your sex drive does change, you may well develop other interests once on HRT and be able to have a very enjoyable sex life even without topping.

[Alexandra]

Thank you so much Andra.  This really helped me feel better, because lately I had gotten depressed for having these questions on my mind.  I have never felt as though my penis was hindering me in any shape or form, and from a young age I was determined to love myself for who and what I am, and now in the present I can't ever see myself hating it.

It's nice to know some people understand where I'm coming from.   I will continue to monitor everything and let my doctor know if I feel I need adjustments.  I'm blessed to have a loving boyfriend who isn't putting pressure on how we make love, but I'm still wanting to keep things working as best they can.

[Aurora]

I've been on estrogen for 2 1/2 years, had an orchiectomy and still take spiro.  My testosterone lvls are none existent.  I've been living full time for almost two years now and pass well.  (young straight guys ask me out sometimes <giggles>) 

It still seems to work oddly enough.  I don't get morning erections, but when in the mood, I'm in the mood so to speak.  Orgasms seem to last much longer as well.  I still plan to have SRS in the next year myself, as it fits my sexuality more, but I don't mind being freaky sometimes.  My surgeon did tell me I would lose all functionality after my orchiectomy, but it's been seven months since surgery.  I've always been a fairly sexual person, and I didn't think twice about giving that up to become a woman.  I've never really hated it, but I'm totally not fond if it either.  I do think about sex less, but I still think about it often enough.  That's my experience anywho, your millage may very.   

[Alexandra]

That's very interesting, Aurora.  The variation of experiences between everyone is so different, it's difficult to get a definitive "this is how it is" kind of answer, but knowing that it's possible even after all you've been through is wonderful! (to me at least, lol)

[vanna]

Yes all put very well,

all i can say for my own experience is that i have always wanted SRS to match my own internals and to keep that working just to please another is probably a wrong turn on your own roadmap i did that for my fiancee and it ended up badly.

You may also find that SRS is something you grow into more and more as you travel and discover yourself much more with your therapist. There is also in my mind a big difference between ts and transgendered though as Natasha has said and you really should determine that with your therapy before you do something you regret through medical means.

The whole Transsexual vs trangender vs transvestite has been thrashed out many times and threads get closed but its best to find out where you may sit on the gaps inbetween. It must seem very confusing if you find yourself inbtween and i have every sympathy with that as most of us have very clear lines or plans of transition.

[Alexandra]

all i can say for my own experience is that i have always wanted SRS to match my own internals and to keep that working just to please another is probably a wrong turn on your own roadmap i did that for my fiancee and it ended up badly.

Actually, I would hate to change my genitals because everyone says I need to or should, and regret it.

[vanna]

yes exactly my point too Alexandra,

only you can possibly know what is best for your journey. We all get classified at some point but just do what you need to make your life happy but dont get caught up with the whole i need HRT if you dont really as there are many ways of obtaining a more female look.

Not all ts want srs for sure its a point i dont fully understand but then i class myself a woman too and not even ts. Just unfortunate to be born the wrong gender Its also natural and very healthy to question ourselves and our motives i sometimes think do i wish to transition, it only lasts a moment but its healthy to ask yourself from time to time even if you do trully already know the answer.

[pretty pauline]

all i can say for my own experience is that i have always wanted SRS to match my own internals and to keep that working just to please another is probably a wrong turn on your own roadmap i did that for my fiancee and it ended up badly.

Actually, I would hate to change my genitals because everyone says I need to or should, and regret it.

This whole thread has been very interesting, but from my own experience early when I started transition about 35years ago, all I wanted was to be a girl, do girl things and live a girl's life, I didn't think much about SRS at the time, but wanted to be an attractive woman and was successful in that, but it was my Mam who insisted that I needed SRS, when I did have SRS in 1985 my Mam was absolutely thrilled, Im lucky I didn't regret it, may seem strange looking back now, having SRS because my Mam wanted it and felt I needed it, when I was recovering from the surgery and pain at the time, my Parents kept telling me, ''it was for the best''
With the passing years and as I get older, yes it probably was for the best, I can't imagine ever having ''the other thing'' its like as if it was never there, my feelings where different before SRS, but now I don't regret it, I grew with it I surpose, since SRS I feel more of a complete woman.
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