Spouse or Louse?

[Natasha]

Spouse or Louse?

http://jennalynne.wordpress.com/2008/09/14/spouse-or-louse/
9/15/2008

When a wife finds out her husband is a crossdresser, quite often there's hell to pay. She's furious; he's crushed; they may be able to patch the marriage up, but it may be permanently damaged. Or it may fall apart.

Sometimes there's a happy ending: The wife is supportive or at least tolerant, and life goes on. But there are no guarantees.

It's easy to blame the wife in this situation, if she remains mired in bigotry. But I think there's enough blame to go around. Like, why didn't you tell her when you were dating, dude? If you didn't, anything that happens afterward is ultimately your fault!

A woman is entitled to know about this stuff when she's considering a proposal of marriage. If you can't bring yourself to tell her, then maybe you're not enough of a grown-up to get married at all. There may be lots of things in a marriage that will be hard to talk about; this is only the first one.

[umop ap!sdn]

Personally I never understood why two people would commit to spending their lives together if one felt (or knew) that they couldn't tell the other something major like that. But a lot of people seem to have different views on relationships than I do.

[Dennis]

Maybe they can't tell themselves that, let alone a spouse. I think a lot of people delude themselves that they can change when they get married. I've seen smokers do it, drinkers do it, trans people do it, and I'm sure crossdressers do too. If it's a part of yourself that you are, at the time, ashamed of, you might think that getting married to this wonderful person will change that about you.

What people don't realize when they do that is that they won't hold their spouse on a pedestal forever. At some time, you're going to have to connect the real you to the real them if there's a hope of it lasting.

Dennis

[Maebh]

A woman is entitled to know about this stuff when she's considering a proposal of marriage. If you can't bring yourself to tell her, then maybe you're not enough of a grown-up to get married at all. There may be lots of things in a marriage that will be hard to talk about; this is only the first one.

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. If you do not trust your partner enough to "come clean" to her or him before asking for comitment then what do you expect?

HLLL&R

Maebh