The want to transition comes and goes?

[Dizzy]

I did this too and I regret it so much because I should have transitioned in my teens but I wanted to try just doing with what life gave me because I was having these episodes....

Then my therapist explained it so clearly! : Binge and Purge.

I would do that. Suddenly get depressed, involve myself in a trans forum, obsess over my male qualities, get books and read them. Then I would say screw it I'll never pass, no one would accept me I'll do the best I can and burn my books and tapes.

[PolarBear]

I, too, relate with what you wrote. I go back and forth with my feelings about my body and my gender.
I find, the more I live like a man, the less I am concerned with my "femaleness". Perhaps I am beginning to feel a bit of balance?

*PolarBear walks away muttering, pondering his latest thoughts*