After I posted that last message yesterday, I was thinking about how long ago it was that I transitioned, had the surgery, etc. My surgery was in August (I think) 1998. So it was only 7 years ago; not as close to 10 as I was thinking. I'm pretty sure it was August - so my "7 year anniversary" just came and went.
Yesterday I read a review of a movie called "Different for Girls" where a TS girl wanted to forget everything that happened in her life before her surgery. In a way I can totally relate to that desire. I don't really make it a point to remember a lot about the transition - like for instance the date of the surgery. Has anyone seen that movie? Is it any good?
I believe that I actively started working towards transition when I was still in grade school. I remember that I used to go to the public library and find any books I could about gender issues - and read them in the library so I didn't have to embarass myself by checking them out. There weren't many; I'm sure I read them all, and if I remember right I actually hid them in the library so I could find them easily and they wouldn't get checked out when I was away. I can't even remember the names of the books now; I think one was an autobiography - I remember a picture of the author looking into a mirror.
By high school I was really confused about life, myself, and of course the social scene. I didn't understand quite where I fit in - and actually didn't feel that I fit in anywhere very well. Almost all of my friends were girls - my best friend's name was Carrie. I had one friend who was male, and ironically he is one of the few I still consider to be a friend today. He was teased on more than one occasion for befriending me - and even accused of being gay. He has always stood up for me though.
My parents divorced when I was 12; one of the reasons they divorced had to do with the fact that my step Dad was closer to me than he was supposed to be. 🙁 By my sophomore year of high school I ended up in a foster home. Well, not a state foster home, but really family friends who took me in.
So I graduated in 1990 and spent two years at a community college. I tried to put the gender issues aside and focus on my studies. I think I was actually bold enough at that time to check out a few gender related books from the college library at that time - but that's probably as far as I took anything.
After community college, I had an opportunity to spend a while in Austria with family friends. I left with a one way ticket, and in the back of my mind had the idea that I wouldn't come back until after the surgery. This was in 1993 - and I spent the summer looking for work, but I wasn't able to obtain a work visa until a company sponsored me. They were reserving work visas for refugees from Yugoslavia (I think?).
So I spent the summer there, and the time away from my "real life" gave me a chance to think about myself. I returned home with resolve that I would really put effort into solving this gender problem.
After I got back in 1994 I decided to go to University. It turns out that being in school during transition was a really good idea. I was able to get "free" counseling because the University offered it to the students. In addition, I changed my name, and really did all the necessary ground work that was required for surgery.
I mentioned that I did most of my transition time while working for the police station (dept. of public safety) at the University. I'll talk about that more later - it was quite a trip!
I graduated in the summer of 1998, and had surgery that same summer. Obviously the surgery had been planned for quite some time prior to graduation. I think originally it was scheduled for late 1999, but since it was paid for they were able to bump it up fairly quickly.
After surgery I went back home, spent some post-graduation time looking for work in my hometown until I was offered a job in Seattle.
Moving to Seattle has really helped me to get away and live my life without my "past" life interfering with what/who I am now.
I just wanted to get out the details now - I'll write about the more interesting details later - like what it was like to transition while working at a police station. I'll explain how I went through a year or so of spiritual introspection trying to figure out how to integrate newfound Christian faith with my life. I ended up becoming Catholic. 🙂 We tend to be spiritually sensitive - I believe that in my heart.
I spent time worrying about passing - and worrying about whether to tell boyfriends, and whether to be "stealth" or not. I'll explain why I believe that the decision about being "stealth" is minor in relationship to the bigger issues of life.
Anyway it is getting late but it feels good to get this out. I hope it helps someone.
BTW does anyone know why I can't specify my picture/avatar in my profile? It is being hosted from my blog at
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5494/937/1600/tec.jpg 🔗. If you're interested you're welcome to visit my blog at
http://theresacarow.blogspot.com 🔗 - it has nothing to do with gender issues though.
Mostly it's for friends and family to find out what's going on with me - it's easier to post to a blog than to email everyone.
TTFN,
Theresa
