Quote from: lostandconfused on October 26, 2008, 09:56:42 PM
Well a little background... I started crossdressing when I was about 12, and it was from mostly pantyhose and bra's. Later on (a couple of years), I got more conservative and found I really liked dresses, and at the time I could almost pass simply by redoing my hair. I felt great, just this strange warm feeling. But puberty's working on me (16~, not telling the exact age, I think it's against rules?) and... I can't look in the mirror anymore crossdressed. It's just horrifying, I am always worried about being this 40-year-old man that looks horrible crossdressed and it's happening before my own eyes, this hairly thing with a huge shoulders and chest looking at me, and yet at the same time I'm doubting either if transitioning at all. I don't want to wonder as a homosexual transsexual, I just want to live normal life... why does it have to come back and bite me?
I guess I can't do much more but live up to my username... maybe I should add an "and in agony" to it or something. Honestly I don't except people to care about some long random rant (no offense) but I guess it makes me feel better.
*big hug*
What does living a normal life mean to you, honey? We can't always help how we feel, and there isn't some miracle switch that we can use to turn these feelings off. At times I wish there were, it would sure alleviate a lot of heartache.
Have you thought about going to a therapist trained in gender issues? I know that's a pretty common response here, but the reason for that is that they're people you can go to and talk to about all this, who won't judge you and who will help you to figure out what you want and where your path in life will take you... even if only by listening and helping you to come to your own conclusions.
How do you feel about yourself, sweetie? That's the first question I think you should ask yourself before you decde on any course of action. Is it just the feeling of cross dressing that appealed to you? Or do you feel that your gender should be different and that the clothes are an expression of that? Transition from one gender to another is a pretty big step, and one that you should be sure about before undertaking, sure of your reasons and why you want to do it.
If it's purely the physical appearance that's bothering you, why is that? Because you believe you should
be physically female? Or because you don't want to be what you consider to be an unsuitable male figure for the attire you want to wear. I think you have to be clear on this, honey, because they're different things, and you can take different actions for each. The first can involve transition, yes, but the second can be fixed by taking care of the body you have; your diet and exercise regime, personal grooming habits etc. You can look feminine without having to physically change your gender, if that's what you want.
*hugs again* You have plenty of time to consider this, you don't have to rush into anything. And rather than thinking that far into the future, how about thinking to this time next year, and where you want to be then?
