Is the SRS hideous painfull?

[Wing Walker]

I look at the situation in the view of "Does it really matter?" To explain, does it matter that there is a chance to die? No. Does it matter that it will hurt? No. Does it matter that it costs more than I've ever made in my life? No. Simply, it doesn't matter. It is a do or die trying. An really for me it is exactly that simple.

I agree totally! If you have made it to the point of SRS, it is very much like being in the middle of Electolysis, or mile 135 in an ironman....why stop now.....the pain is only temporary, but completion is forever!

I have not yet had GRS.  I am scheduled for mine on November 3.  I am fully aware that it will be accompanied by pain and soreness but I have been ready for that for years and I will not cancel my surgery.

I have, however, found a pain that is deeper and more hurtful than any physical pain that I will endure:  finding out that there may be a delay on my surgery, the surgery I have hoped for, envisioned, and dreamed about since I was 13.

I had all of the required pre-surgical tests, including an electrocardiogram.  My doctor looked at the ECG and told me that there was a small abnormality in my heartbeat.  I knew it was there and at 57 years old, I am not surprised.

My doctor got me an appointment with a cardiologist for a consultation.  Now what in the hell does that mean?  My doctor wasn't sure so it could range from listening to my heart to a cardiac stress test.

I am far from inactive.  When I walk for my heart's benefit it's at a march tempo, 4/4 time.  At The women's shelter I move fast, lift and carry large loads, and I break a sweat.  Never had chest pain or tightness.

So my doctor and I talk by phone on Friday night and I asked her a question:  shall I buy my airline tickets?

When she told me to hold off, I felt my entire being just drain away into nothingness.  I replied that I did not care if I left the operating table or not, I would be no worse off than I was without the surgery.  I was in pain to the level of my soul when i told her that I actually felt suicidal.

Me suicidal?  After walking through the brick walls I have in my life, and now I am stopped by an ECG?

She asked me if I  had the means to kill myself.  I told her that I didn't.  I have no whiskey in the house and I couldn't do a pills and liquor exit.  When I told her that I have keflex (an antibiotic) in the house and that it's no good for a suicide she told me that if I have suicidal ideations again, to go to the ER.

I feel better now and I am anxious for my appointment with the cardiologist to happen on October 15.  I might have to delay my surgery but I believe it will happen soon.

That pain was to me a far worse pain than the actual surgery.

Wing Walker
Still Flying, Praying for Forgiveness

[cindybc]

I beleive that my dearest love meant it. I never seen her like that before. I would expect it out of myself and I am usually the one that falls apart emotionaly and she comes around to pick up the pieces for me. She has always been my rock. This time I was the one picking up the pieces of that shattered egg. I pray that I will have the joy of reassembling the shell for that egg and watch a baby swan hatch and grow into a beautiful graceful white bird spread open her wings and take her solo flight.

I love you my dearest.

Cindy

[goingdown]

For me it has been many years situation surgery or (somehow) suicide. I got hurted much for the statement discouraging me to having a surgery. 

[cindybc]

Hi Goingdown, I have read your post but I am not to certain I got the complete picture, could you tell me more on what you have posted?

Cindy

[goingdown]

Helo Cindybc!
I was just asking about the pain what SRS will cause. I am 100% sure of wanting the surgery knowing the all risks. So the statemant for Cindi Jones that said don't do it was very hurtfull for me. And just wanted to make clear that if there were no possibility to SRS I will rather die.

[cindybc]

Hi Goingdown, yes there is pain and this pain varies with different individuals as I am learning myself. But the pain is worth it to be the true self. It is not the type of pain that is debilitating, if it is, there is something wrong in which case you consult a Doctor. You are still able to move about and do stuff even one week after surgery, just limited as to what you can do. It is uncomfortable but bearable OK

As for what Cindi said she was expressing a word of warning, if your not ready, don't do it. You will find a good portion about that warning in my post above.

As for my love, that is how deep this need can be for some. But I love her to much to just simply let her go without a fight. But I believe that Nov. 3rd will happen and I will be there to watch over her.

Cindy 

[goingdown]

I know that I am mentally ready however I must eat hormons for a longer time to be physically ready.

[cindybc]

Hi Goingdown glad to know that you are understanding of the procedure,
#1 prepare the physical, eating hormones as you call it.
#2 prepare psychologically 
#3 prepare emotionally
#4prepare spiritually
#5 When you are ready to be you, educate yourself what it is you need to expect once you become you, then just be the best you you can be. Learning from other women can also be an asset to you.

Cindy

[deviousxen]

I cant wait to just wear clothes that totally fit me... And be totally ruined on painkillers...

You know what?

Emotional whatevers!


Make a playlist or movielist of every thing you will sit on your ass and do all the time you heal. Seriously. I'm having a marathon of movies I felt guilty about watching, like Ferngully and stuff, and enjoying my drugs and making tea and having my 2 art school friends over... :3

Then I am drinking a shot of something really symbollic and making a toast to science. If my cat is still around and kicking, I will have him by my side always that week too...

[cindybc]

Hi Deviousxen, collecting movies is a good idea or read books, entertainment or something to exercise the mind is a must. You will have mobility, how ever restricted, but as for having friends around I would say you may want to rethink that one unless they are just popping in for a visit.

As for the pain killers, the Dr. will ween you off those when the Dr. thinks it's time. But the trick is, is to keep moving about every day. Keep yourself clean down there and do your dilations four times a day and all will be well.

Pleasant dreams

Cindy

[pretty pauline]

Well, I'm a big cry baby  , and yes it is painful.  I actually started a thread about it a while ago, and needless to say I was rather upset with some people for not having warned me about the pain.  Yes, there is medication you can take; however, loading yourself with controlled II narcotics isn't a good idea for a number of reasons (i.e, you can die from them, you can become addicted and/or you can run out of your prescription and then the little pharmacy computer will display a message "refill too soon"...and then what?)  It's not like you can call your doctor for a refill (not on a Schedule II substance anyway).

tink

I have to say, I agree with most of what Tink has said there, infact I was most upset at my Mother who said that there wouldn'd be much pain, my Mother was putting me under a bit of pressure at the time for me to have SRS, anyway when I came around after the surgery, yes the pain was hideous, I remember Cindybc saying in another thread, the only pain thats worse is child birth, but everybody is different, theres no gain without pain.
But after about a year after the surgery, my first experience ''going all the way'' with a guy, was a beautiful feeling, to be finally excepted as a woman, made all the pain well worth it, even now after 23years when I look down, its like as if the other thing was never there, Im just a woman that got something put right, even if the pain was hideous at the time.
p

[tekla]

Yes.  So to is doing the Iditarod.  Or track and field.  Or being a stagehand.  Do you want it, or not?

[Robyn]

My experience was that I used the Demarol pump some during the first two days and used only about half of the pain pills they gave me for the third day on.  Stopped pain meds completely after 5 or six days.

You are up walking the day after surgery, which is somewhat uncomfortable (not painful) because of the large amount of packing in the vagina.  That comes out at about the 7th day and the catheter, too.  Then you start dilating.  Just be sure to lube yourself as well as the stent.

The woman across the hall from me had a spinal block for the surgery itself and used no pain meds at all - Zero.

So it's not bad.  I was 63 at the time.

Robyn

[cindybc]

Hi Pretty Pauline nice to see you again and yes it's worth the pain to be yourself. I don't even want to go there like the what if it wouldn't have been possible. I considered myself female and lived as a female for a good many years thinking I would have to accept the fact that the way I was was as fare as I was going to get so I did my best to just keep it out of mind and just continue on with my life as a woman to the best of my ability. I wasn't looking to have physical sex with either a man or woman anyway because of some very painful circumstances I experienced in the past. But all the anxiety, fear, hurting, and sorrow I suffered getting there was all worth the pain to be as fully a woman as I can be. I enjoyed every bit of this journey it was certainly much more interesting to experience then the previous 36 years of my life.

Hi  Robyn thank you for your contribution, hmmmm, I am the same age now as you were when you had the surgery.

Love to all

Cindy

[Wing Walker]

My experience was that I used the Demarol pump some during the first two days and used only about half of the pain pills they gave me for the third day on.  Stopped pain meds completely after 5 or six days.

You are up walking the day after surgery, which is somewhat uncomfortable (not painful) because of the large amount of packing in the vagina.  That comes out at about the 7th day and the catheter, too.  Then you start dilating.  Just be sure to lube yourself as well as the stent.

The woman across the hall from me had a spinal block for the surgery itself and used no pain meds at all - Zero.

So it's not bad.  I was 63 at the time.

Robyn

Thank you for sharing, Robyn.  I am 57 and scheduled for GRS on November 3.  The range of possible post-op discomfort is wide so every bit of info helps.

Wing Walker

[Sandy]

I was like Robin.  I used the pump a bit in the first couple of days but after that I was pretty well off of that.  My most painful part was lying on my back for four days straight.  I had low back pain that was excruciating.

But FFS was like bobbing for french fries and horribly painful.  SRS in comparison was a walk in the park.

-Sandy

[glendagladwitch]

I think we collectively object to the phrase "hideously painful."  It's more like the sweetest, most welcome and joyful pain you've ever experienced.

[Miranda_N]

I think we collectively object to the phrase "hideously painful."  It's more like the sweetest, most welcome and joyful pain you've ever experienced.

Well put! I might add, it's certainly not like the unrelenting agony of living an un-fulfilling existence dimly lit with the knowledge that you could have chosen to do something about it... and didn't.

T-minus 16 days to my SRS w/ Brassard (10/22). Just had FFS (6/14) and come equipped with the confidence from knowing that I could get through 'the works' w/ Dr Z. The drugs really helped.

Thanks to all 4 sharing your experiences. It helps in many ways. I'll be back with mine soon.

Miranda

[pretty pauline]

Hi Pretty Pauline nice to see you again and yes it's worth the pain to be yourself. I don't even want to go there like the what if it wouldn't have been possible. I considered myself female and lived as a female for a good many years thinking I would have to accept the fact that the way I was was as fare as I was going to get so I did my best to just keep it out of mind and just continue on with my life as a woman to the best of my ability. I wasn't looking to have physical sex with either a man or woman anyway because of some very painful circumstances I experienced in the past. But all the anxiety, fear, hurting, and sorrow I suffered getting there was all worth the pain to be as fully a woman as I can be. I enjoyed every bit of this journey it was certainly much more interesting to experience then the previous 36 years of my life.



Cindy

Hi Cindy, oh gosh I think you misunderstood me ''I wasn't looking for physical sex ether with man or woman'' lol, but on a more serious note, infact I wouldn'd have any real interest in sex, its hard to explain, but when a guy shows an interest in me and finds me attractive and excepts me as a woman, it is a beautiful feeling, nothing sexual, its all I ever wanted, just to be excepted, only yesterday I was on a crowded train, anyway it braked suddenly, lot of passengers fell forward, nearly lost my balance, but this guy gave up his seat for me, total stranger, it was a nice feeling, what was going thru his head, did he feel sorry for this girl with sore feet carrying 2bags, whatever, he saw me as a woman and wanted to be a gentleman, maybe it was my perfume, whatever the reason, it was nice.
p
PS Wing Walker, you'll be ok, everything will work, take care, in our prayers.

[cindybc]

Hi Pauline sweets. Yea same as me. I love the attention and the little courtesies shown towards women, I love being treated as a woman, after all that is what I am. Last time I saw the other me was where his sword lay upon the ground and he laid on  his cape upon that slab of concrete, then drifted off to another dimension. It's OK I have a silly imagination even had to romanticise the departure of the other me.  Actually I love men as long as their gentlemen type. As for the  little courtesies and compliments well I don't know about GG's but I could live on that type of attention. The feeling you mention? Like I actually get shivers at times, like tiny bubbles of pleasure going through you of course all these are delightful wonderful feelings which can certainly make you blush. Be kind of hard for me to blush though, especially during the summer, I am sort off dark skinned. But I still feel the flushing of my cheeks.

Then I course I have my beloved and she loves me for the way I am, I mean personality wise and everything else, as well as the imagination. But then she is a romantic herself. Intimacy is like a fantasy land, it captures the heart and soul.  In imagination we are two angels spirits walking the desert sand in the moonlight with a plethora of twinkling stars decorating the whole canopy of heaven.



Cindy