Trapped

[shychristine]

Since I was 6 I had wanted to be a girl. I have never told any one and have done every thing to hide it.
I even joined the Air Force thinking that would help me feel like a man. But the feeling of being a girl on the inside would not subside, it only grew.
So I got out after 5 years ( one enlistment ) before I was discovered and joined the National Guard. I figured I could do it part time and still get a pension after 20 years. But that was worst, they was always sending me to school or somewhere else. Meaning I had to pretend to be some one I wasnt. Well I got out after 19 years and gave up my pension. I cant come out to my family because I would lose them ( I am single and never been married). I am starting to see a therapist. I cant transition because the cost is out of my reach and hormones are out because theat is just patch work, if I cant be a complete woman then I will have to contuine to live a lie. Let em finish by saying I still a virgin I tried to be with a woman and it didnt feel right, being I feel like a woman being with a woman, and I am not gay, being with a man while I am man doesnt seem right either. I have given up a good pension but I cannot give up my family. I am trapped.

[Renate]

Hi Christine:

Hormones (at least for me) are no patch work.
They are mind-altering drugs that make my life so much better irrespective of the benefits of socially being a woman.
If one wants to be obtuse one can say that no transition is real because you can't change your chromosomes.
A lot of us do the best we can transitioning and have become very happy through that.

As far as money goes, there are many here who have transitioned on very little money.

Don't be held hostage by your family. It's your life.
You may lose them, but how valuable are they if they can't accept the real you?

[shychristine]

I know I cant change everything but hormones will change some things but as long as I have my my parts I can not be a woman, dose that make sense? As long as I have my male parts I will be a male. that is what I ment by all or nothing. As far as my family my brothers always picked on me and still do today, they know nothing about how I feel. Even though they can be mean at times, I always put others before myself. Nomatter how much some one hurts me  I just cant hurt others. being I have no friends and never go out they still mean something to me and if I lose my family I have nothing.

[Renate]

As long as I have my male parts I will be a male.

Nope! I became a woman as soon as I stood up and said, "I am a woman".
Ok, I'm a radical and not everybody feels the same as I do.

Many people have to live for a while longer with genitals that they hate.
But really, how often do you show your genitals to people?
It really shouldn't matter that much. (I know it does, but try not letting it matter.)

[Stealthgrrl]

Don't forget that hormones alter brain chemistry. Both estrogen and T do this. So, by taking estrogen and an androgen-blocker, you will feel more yourself, in your thoughts, reactions and emotions. 

Stealth