It's all make believe?

[Alyx.]

Something that's been bothering me is... I've always wanted to be a girl, but... there's no way I could really be one, right? What if my strong disire makes me only think I'm a girl, but I'm not really..? I suppose what I'm asking is how do you know it's not all in your head? What if it's all just a wonderful dream that brings you hope and happiness, and nothing more?

[Lachlann]

That's where a gender therapist can help you figure things out.

But the truth of the matter is, the first step of finding out if you're trans or not comes from a desire. It is a dream that brings you hope and happiness, but isn't that the point? I'm not going to find hope and happiness by staying the way I am now and I know I'm a man on the inside which is why I want my physical form to match my inner feelings.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by no way you could really be a girl. If you truly have a firm belief that you're female in your heart and mind, you are just as much of a girl as any biogirl. Transitioning is what helps us feel comfortable with ourselves and matching our body to our mind.

[Flan Princess]

I suppose what I'm asking is how do you know it's not all in your head? What if it's all just a wonderful dream that brings you hope and happiness, and nothing more?

Maybe it is, but everybody has a differing view of their own identity, and what to do about the difference between the mind and body. I can only ask you to ask yourself what it means to be "male" and "female" and (with the advise of a psychologist specialising in gender therapy) make a sound decision on what to do with the rest of your like and how to go about doing that.

I can only make vague generalisations when I say that most change their body just to make peace with their mind, and not every trans* is trying to go from one gender extreme to another. In a way, the whole point of transition is to bring happiness, and only you can make yourself happy.

[Nicky]

Is what you are feeling significant, persistent, probably quite consuming and pervasive? I'm assuming it is otherwise you would not be here.

You're asking whether it is possible that you are a girl or it is just a fantasy. You think that the desire to be a girl could be making you think that you are a girl. I can't really answer this. Even if you decided you were not a girl, with desire that strong it sounds to me like you have significant gender issues to deal with.

As you explore your own nature I think things are likely to become clearer. Sometimes we have all this junk in the way, our ego, maybe a persona that you may have built for yourself to get along in the world, the expectations of society and ourselves, and fear, or an internal image of the way the world should be which does not match our desire. Try to ignore the question about whether you are a girl or not an examine what you want, body, lifestyle, role, appearance. There are many facets and it is not always as easy to say "I am a girl". Things are not as clear cut as society would have us to believe. After all, what is a girl anyway?

Personally I know it is real because what I feel is as valid as anything else in this world. It causes me a lot of pain and distress which tells me that I need to do something about it. I have examined my feelings from many angles and I always come back to square one - I feel this way because what I feel is a part of me.

[Janet_Girl]

If it is all in my head, then why does everyone that knows me says that I finally look and act happy.  And if it is all in my head, why do most people I know totally accept me as a woman.  If it is all in my head, then why is it that I am a woman to the people I deal with daily.

If it is make believe then everyone around me is playing the same game.

No, for me it is as real as it gets.  And if it is a dream, may I never wake up.

[Alyx.]

Well, like today, I'm in huge pain and fustration that my body isn't correct... I guess I just assume that such a bad thing couldn't happen to me.

When I think about it, I always arrive that I'm a girl, but I'm in perma-denial...

[christene]

For me its real.....way to real. And what is the mind anyway?? It has clearly told me from a very early age that "it" was a girl. So years of denial, struggle etc had finally brought me to two conclusion. End it all now (bad option) or set the body into a motion that would feminize it (a much better option)...I mean one could argue that EVERYTHING is in your imagination, %$#& we can't even prove reality beyond our own thoughts, so do what you feel is right and everything else will fall into it's proper place.....methinks. ;-)

[tekla]

I mean one could argue that EVERYTHING is in your imagination, %$#& we can't even prove reality beyond our own thoughts

Of course you can, go up on your roof, convince yourself you can fly, and try it.  Physics is only a list of things we can prove. 

But, in the end, everyone does make themselves happy, and it sure does not take a lot of reading around these boards (or any boards for that matter) to find out that the people who take on that task do better than those who relegate it to others.  I'm pretty sure about that.

So, to the degree that your actions are in line with what others want, you're going to fail, to the point that they re-enforce what you want, what you think, and what you believe, then your going to do OK.  Most people don't really care all that much about others anyway.

[Dennise]

Hey Heartwood,

I have the above post, about being emotionally blocked and dead inside.  It sounds like we're going through a lot of the same stuff...the desire and urge to be of a different gender, and yet the perma-denial still comes and pushes all those thoughts to the back of our heads.

I'm a year out of college and six months ago was the first time I ever consciously had a thought about being anything other than a guy (I admitted to my psychologist that I'd be interested in cross-dressing).  In these past six months, I've thought about being uncomfortable as a guy, and I'm realising how I never really fit in with my guy groups of friends, I only seriosuly faked it, and still am great at faking it...

But, moving on, I've been thinking about being a girl and how good it would feel to be more expressive than I am now...I've been thinking about being a girl more and more each day.  Same as mine, your strong desire isn't stemming from nowhere: your strong desire to be a girl is stemming from deep within you.  Think about it Logically:  if you really were just a boy/man, and had no trans-energy in you, why do you have so many thoughts about being a girl?  Something (a desire from within) is causing these thoughts and they won't go away until they are acknowledged and [eventually] accepted.

Sorry, I'm not trying to preach at all, as I'm in the same position as you in many ways...  It just hurts me to see others going through what I'm now starting to realise I've been going through a lot of my life..which is the pain and deadness of denial.  I believe we'll all get there eventually, whereever we want to be to be happy, but have to be willing to put up with the pain first!

[Godot]

I feel like this all the time...I feel like on the inside I'm a man but I sometimes wonder if it's all just in my head or if I really am a guy in a girl's body as some would word it. I grew up not knowing about transgenders so I just kind of grew up being female and not having any problem with it til just about a year ago. It makes me wonder sometimes if it's just a phase or if I'll feel this way forever. I hope I feel this way forever because I'm happiest when being "male". My family is the kind that say "You can't change your gender" and ect (they don't say that to me but just about transgendered people) and it kind of gets me down because I know I'll never be a bioguy but I do have a comfort of knowing I'm not the only person who is like this. Being a man..of what of one I can be, makes me happy. I feel like life has started over for me and I can get a new start on it. I feel really happy but it just gets lonely sometimes knowing my family wouldn't accept it (the transgender thing). I still have some girly habits that are hard to get over because all of my life I've lived as female and only for a large part of one year have I lived as male so it's kind of hard to cut the old habits. As for it being real, I believe it's real. I believe what we feel on the inside is what counts the most

[umop ap!sdn]

I guess I just assume that such a bad thing couldn't happen to me.

You're not the only one to think that. Just know that being born in the wrong kind of body happens rarely but it does happen, and we all have to accept that, we all have to say "hey, something very unusual (and unfortunate) happened to me". Having lived full time for a while, my experience is the same as Janet's. Know what, if it brings you happiness then do it!

My family is the kind that say "You can't change your gender" and ect (they don't say that to me but just about transgendered people)

Well it's true, a person can't change their gender.... either you're one or the other or in between, neither, both, something else, but whatever the case may be each person is who they are and if the person and their body don't match then they must change their body or they'll be miserable.

[cindybc]

Make believe, earlier in my life when I was a kid I plaid a lot of pretend games. I was a loner and an outsider so I had a lot of time to play imagination games and some of those games included playing being a girl, stole clothes and dressed up where ever I could where I thought no one would find me.

At the time I thought I was just playing pretend, no different then any of the other pretend games I played. Until I got into my early teens I discovered my interest in girls had changed and it had nothing to do with physical sexual attraction.I was deeply and secretly envious of these girls and some times to the point of hurting and crying for the need to want to be a girl.

I never entered puberty until my mid twenties. Crap would you beleive it wasn't until 12 years ago that I finally got the nerve to share this dilemma with someone, I realy thought I had some kind of evil spirit possessing me or something. What a relief it was to discover what it was and that there were people, professional people that I could talk to about it. From that day on I knew who I was and where I had to go to reach my goal. After all the years I spent getting here leaves little doubt in my mind as to who I am. At present I have lived as her for the last 9 years.

I have a more complete narrative of my experiences of my transitioning in my blog
You are welcome to visit Cindy's Ramblings Blog

[cindybc]

As I have advised before, by the time you get past the magic wand of the surgeons hands, there is no return and you are as a close to 100% female as medical science can make you. Till then if this is the route you have decided you need to follow, then there will be a lot of learning how to live as a woman before you cross that line.

Check out my Blog.

Cindy

[Seshatneferw]

I suppose what I'm asking is how do you know it's not all in your head?

Of course it's all in my head. That doesn't make it any less real, though.

Whatever the reason, I feel a mismatch between my physical body and my idea of how it should be. There's no question about that -- although it took me four decades to realise that this is something that sets me apart, that most people do not have a similar mismatch. Whether is a psychological disorder or natural variation in brain physiology doesn't really make a difference: I still have to deal with it. Over the years it's also driven me to do things I wouldn't have done if I'd been born a normal girl (or a boy, for that matter), and in that sense it's by no means all bad.

What if it's all just a wonderful dream

People are advised to follow their dreams all the time.
It might be good to find a therapist and have some help, both looking into that dream to see if it really is worth following and then coming up with a viable plan for getting where you want to go.

  Nfr

[pretty pauline]

For me its real.....way to real. And what is the mind anyway?? It has clearly told me from a very early age that "it" was a girl. So years of denial, struggle etc had finally brought me to two conclusion. End it all now (bad option) or set the body into a motion that would feminize it (a much better option)...I mean one could argue that EVERYTHING is in your imagination, %$#& we can't even prove reality beyond our own thoughts, so do what you feel is right and everything else will fall into it's proper place.....methinks. ;-)

As I have advised before, by the time you get past the magic wand of the surgeons hands, there is no return and you are as a close to 100% female as medical science can make you. Till then if this is the route you have decided you need to follow, then there will be a lot of learning how to live as a woman before you cross that line.

Check out my Blog.

Cindy

The above posts say it all, as well as the rest, and as Monty says ''thats where a gender therapist can help you figure things out''
The first 16years of my life was totally miserable, when at school teachers would punish boys by making them sit with the girls, wear a dress and put ribbons in their hair, but for me it wasn't punishment, I enjoyed it and was always in trouble, it just felt right.
Then at 16 I started my transition, at 18 I was fulltime, living as a girl, I never was ''into boy's things' I'd 3brothers, my next brother couldn'd understand why, his words ''I wanted to be a sissy, frilly pink girly girl that cry easy, boys are stronger'' well to put it simple, after transition I loved just being a girl, doing ''girl things'' my brother might get excited at the latest gadget or whatever, I get excited at the latest fashion, a new dress, new lipstick or hair color, the latest sling back heels, and why, because Im a woman, I'v no regrets and wouldn'd have it any other way, Im a much better person and happer as a woman than I would be as a man any day.
p

[cindybc]

Hi Pauline, What can I say, "Amen sister!" To be free to express to others what one feels inside. Feelings to such depths as I never have felt before. All those qualities just lying below the surface waiting to be freed.

Well you have had a good 39 year jump ahead of me living as a woman. Cindy's face turning red in jealousy.  "hee, hee." Just kidin. I did have some good years behind me growing up as well, right up till my late teens. Again I have a lot of my story in my blog, for anyone who is interested.

Cindy