But you said you wouldn't!

[scarboroughfair]

I hear that a lot from my signicant other.
Only six months ago I said I was a bluejeans and t-shirt girl I will never wear floral shirts or dresses.
But now I stare at this clothing everytime I go shopping.
Hon, I'm setting up an appointment to see about HRS! "But you said you would never do that!"
The thing I can't make my signicant other understand is, I have never given my mind this kind of unlimited freedom to explore and just be myself.
I am not doing this just because, things are becoming a need more than a desire.
Any other girls the same way here?
Are you doing things that you were against or thought you would never do?
Because everyday I find more and more hidden and buried treasures!
I know I said I would never do that, but it's happening automatically.

[almost,angie]

 I think as we go through transition we get to know ourselves a little better than we thought we did. I myself am with you on this . I don`t even dress but when we are shopping I like to look at clothes that I thought I would never have been intrested in. I always thought I was just going to go from guys board shorts to girls and that would be it. I am totally wrong on that one and want to explore the whole range of clothes womens clothes have to offer. ( After FFS and I`m full time)

   I also noticed i like a lot of soft music now and it`s not Punk Rock  all the time anymore. It`s a matter of letting myself enjoy what i like now and not holding back.

[pennyjane]

hi fair.  i'm with the both of you.  there is a reason why we refer to male dress as "drab".  i, too, was astounded at the variety of possibilites in female dress.  to be honest, prior to transition i'd given dress only passing consideration..some curiosity but nothing serious.  then transition...<WHAM>!!!  endless possiblities.  and since i had no point of reference as to what "look" i wanted or how to get there i think i tried just about every possiblity...i said "tried"...that sould be "try".  i still have a whole lot of fun trying something new and seeing where it goes.

to be fair, i do have my "everyday look" pretty well down now, and i think some consistency in presentation is important to successful transition, but i am not above trying something and taking it out on the road just for the fun of it.  the people in my bible study class are aware of the fact that they are a proving ground for some of these experiments and they very graciously give me honest feedback.  <giggle>  i remember bringing a new hair color and do there one time...patrick asked me how long that color was to last...i answered that the product said it would wash out in 15 shampoo's.  his next question was telling..."how many times a day can you shampoo?"  i say "go with it, it's nothing more then retrieving some of your lost youth."

[DarphBobo]

I can say my ideal attire has changed, but in the opposite way.  I had a long time of being most interested in dresses, etc., then, as I finally began to progress on transition, it became "eh, not my thing, thanks."

I can't deny that some practical matters have probably impacted this.  My days regularly involve activities (particularly ones that I intend to continue my participation) that aren't compatible with such dress, and it's very much the exception for the attire worn by the women I see as I go through each day.

[tekla]

Never say never. 

[DarphBobo]

Never is definitely one I wouldn't say, if only for the simple fact that the reality, however unfortunate I find it, is that I'll likely have events to attend where I'll need to wear such.

[Princess Katrina]

I hear that a lot from my signicant other.
Only six months ago I said I was a bluejeans and t-shirt girl I will never wear floral shirts or dresses.
But now I stare at this clothing everytime I go shopping.
Hon, I'm setting up an appointment to see about HRS! "But you said you would never do that!"
The thing I can't make my signicant other understand is, I have never given my mind this kind of unlimited freedom to explore and just be myself.
I am not doing this just because, things are becoming a need more than a desire.
Any other girls the same way here?
Are you doing things that you were against or thought you would never do?
Because everyday I find more and more hidden and buried treasures!
I know I said I would never do that, but it's happening automatically.

Well, I'm dating a guy and that's something I thought I'd never do! I still identify as a lesbian, though... >.>

I have been having to deal with disbelief in regards to things I've started doing, even when it's not something I said I'd never do. I keep making small changes to how I do things as I let myself be more myself, and mum keeps saying things like "Yknow, you don't have to change your tastes or how you do things just cause you think you're a girl" and I'm like "I'm just letting myself be myself!"

[Ms Bev]

Earlier on in transition, I was sure I was clearly a jeans and t-shirt girl, then later, discovered quite suddenly that I preferred skirts and dressier tops.  I still wear minimal makeup, but more jewelry.  I now spend about 90% of my time in skirts, and 10% in slacks and jeans. 
That's from someone who originally said that they could not ever see themselves in a skirt 


Bev

[vanna]

Hi Ellieka

I do sympathise with you, its probably a most common theme on Susan's and the majority of us have had to endure the woes and lows of transitioning in a relationship, my personal situation also ended in tears although she wanted to remain friends I just couldn't deal with that at that particular time of my transition something I regret as she was my soul mate.

Love hurts so I do really hope you find common ground, and its so much harder with children, I just believe that you do need to be selfish in life at critical times and even though your physical relationship may not endure keeping the mental one can and does for many.

My heart goes out to you.

[pennyjane]

hi ellieka.  yes, i think it's probably 100% among transsexuals that for at least some periods of time we hope to be "healed", and probably think it's possible.  it ain't.

however;  the idea of marriage seems to have changed alot since i took my vows.  "open" marriages seem to be rather commonplace these days and i guess some make it work and work well.  i don't know how you and your wife feel about that, but it's a possibility for some.  i confess i was always very suspicious of the idea of sexual orientation changing after hrt and grs, but i've now heard so many ancedotal accounts of it that i have to admit that there must be something to it.  i've heard it suggested that the orientation one believes she has may be superimposed on the libido and with more freedom of expression comes more freedom of libido as well.  all i can say is that if the feelings feel real then they probably are and probably should be held with respect...whatever you decide to do with them, the feelings are still legitimate.

the idea of changing "against your will" is something that i find interesting.  that implies to me that you are trying to stifle these changes without success.  i wonder if you don't really mean that the changes are ocurring without your conscious acquaesance.  sort of like having a mind of their own.  if that's true, then i think it's just wonderful.  that means that things are just happening spontaneously and that makes them more authentic, to me, then changes we try to make.  it makes me feel like your stifled self is making an escape into the real world...nothing could be better!

at any rate you are on your journey and it's a wonderful one, from the sound of it.  i hope you love and enjoy and respect it for the miracle it is.  i understand you may have some real loving feelings for the kids, and wonder just how this is going to affect them.  no one can really say, you know them better then any of us...but generically...kids are a whole lot more understanding, inquisitive, real, curious and forgiving then a lot of us give them credit for.  i remember my best friend's coming out party.  i was there for support and it was delicious.  one thing stands out in my mind even today.  a conversation i was having with one group of her friends about how others may treat her now was hightlighted by a quip from her son...."well, she's still my dad!"  he says.  God bless him and God bless you and yours with...

[DarphBobo]

Earlier on in transition, I was sure I was clearly a jeans and t-shirt girl, then later, discovered quite suddenly that I preferred skirts and dressier tops.  I still wear minimal makeup, but more jewelry.  I now spend about 90% of my time in skirts, and 10% in slacks and jeans. 
That's from someone who originally said that they could not ever see themselves in a skirt 

Something I've come to appreciate is how varied our experiences can be.  I quite seriously was the opposite, originally being unable to see myself ever wearing jeans and t-shirts.  As transition began to become reality, my view shifted and wearing stuff more dressy than jeans and t-shirts just wasn't me.  That it is unnatural for me is an extra good reason to avoid it - hard to act natural when wearing things that aren't for you.

[pennyjane]

i hadda wear pants when i was little and i wanted to wear the pretty dresses all the other girls got to wear.....when i was little no girl wore pants.  now i'm all grown up, nobody can make me wear pants and i'm not going to!  except, of course, when it's cold....then i got no principles.  God bless us all with...

[DarphBobo]

Interesting; so very different than my own experiences.  Not only were dresses (or skirts, for that matter) very rare among girls similar to my age, the dress codes had usually become vastly more casual for girls, for example that girls could wear jeans but boys had to wear dress pants.  I had a reprieve from this in college then encountered policies following this pattern in each workplace since, with sum more extreme than others (one had it that women could, and regularly did, wear shorts, t-shirts, and sneakers, but men better not so much as loosen their tie on a hot day.)

[pennyjane]

hi darph.  i really can see alot of generational connections in this.  when i was in grade school it would have been front page news if some little girl showed up at school in pants....except me of course  <pout>

by the time i was in highschool i think they were beginning to experiment with jeans, i can't swear to that though...what little time i spent at school in those days didn't amount to much.  my best recollection is that mini skirts were the thing of that day.

i live in a college town now, dresses are probably no more then ten percent of what i see in the young.  it's not rare at all for me to look around and find myself the only dress in a room.

however;  at church or church funtions i'm never alone.  many women of my age wear only dresses.  there is no code or anything, the younger women do very often, most often i'd say, wear pants.

it's just taste, i think all women look better in skirts and dresses.  especially transwomen.  for many of us even after surgery and hrt we just don't have the butt, hips or the high waist to make pants look good.  God bless diversity though, i'd hate it if everyone dressed like me, then i'd have to change! 

[DarphBobo]

Generation is an easy possibility; I've no idea of the difference between us.

The various churches I attended in my youth (I haven't been in once since reaching the age of majority, and only attended until that point because it was non-negotiable to my parents) had about 50% rates for dresses or skirts.  The unfortunate thing, though, was...let's call it a lack of basic fashion sense.  Really bad choices of color and/or pattern dominated the group who did wear them.

Now I'm in a college town as well.  10% for dresses or skirts of any sort would be quite high from what I've observed around town.

While I do like doing my own thing, I've had many experiences that taught me it's best to not dress such that I stand out.

[krisalyx]

same thing I HATE men's clothes i mean for the most part there are exceptions like a buttoned up shirt i wanted at kohls, but otherwise yuck gangsta style shirts mma shirts jeans bigger then i am (and i'm pretty big) i mean i love slim jeans dresses skirts nice regular shirts not that ugly mens crap.