Getting over the mental part is impossible for me to even attempt to explain. Like I said, I still fight with this. I know a big key, is being in touch with YOUR body. We all have our issues with our bodies, I wish I had a "real" dick like most of the rest of us do, but also realize realistically speaking, I'm not going to have that, unless the surgical end improves. Not to knock phallo at all, I'm still envious, it's just not up to my own standards, as to what I'd be happy with.
Accepting that, has always been hard for me, but over the past 2-3 years I've grown to accept what I DO have a great deal. I get off just fine, and enjoy sex. So figuring out what I like, and don't like, what works, and what doesn't work, was a big deal to me.
I remember when I used my prosthetic for the first time, I was so freaking nervous I just kind of kneeled there while she "worked" it. Stage fright so to speak. I was nervous the glue wouldn't hold, and it would pop off (which a year later happened with another girl, and was HILARIOUS I might add..that's another story tho) haha.
The more I used it, the more it became a part of me, and the more I concentrated on that actual act, rather than stressing out over if I was doing it right. The first girl I was with, was a boring lover, period, so she didn't really help much. The next, I was with for 2 years, and she still to this day is by far the freakiest, kinkiest, sexiest, and most understanding partner I've had (even though she's a nut case). She was VERY patient, was quick to tell me how SHE liked it, and basically broke me in. The first prosthetic I had, which was a total rip off, and poorly made, was broken in 2 months of us being together lol.
I also realized being with her, I'm definitely the "dominant" one in the bedroom. Some guys like to be more submissive, and let their girl take control, I like "running the show". These are all things you learn and teach yourself through experience.
I'm also an avid "porn guru". And a firm believer, NO ONE can get you off better, than you. The thought of my body, touching it, or seeing it naked, used to disgust me. And the upper half still does, but I was too horny, and not always in a relationship, to go without some sort of sexual pleasure in my life. I'll touch me, but I'm not cool with a gf doing so. I'm definitely not into penetration, but enjoy getting off. Whether alone, or with a gf.
As far as how I get straight women, 9 out of 10 times they don't know I'm trans when we meet at all. In my younger years, this got me into quite a bit of drama, cuz I wouldn't tell them even when getting sexual, don't ask me how I did it, sometimes I can't believe things got as far as they did, but I was young, and extremely uncomfortable with ANYONE knowing.
Now, I get to know a girl, on a friendly note, if I'm interested in her, and feel good vibes on her end, I'll drop it on her. I've "dated" a lot of women, mostly all being straight, and honestly, I've realized someone is going to like you for who you are as a person, not what's between your legs. Yeah, there are plenty of girls out there who in the long run just can't deal without having a bio male, but if that's the case they're not the right one for you. Everytime I've been dumped, I always assume it's because of THAT, even after being together 6+ months to over a year. I guess it's too hard for me to admit I have OTHER flaws, haha. I know I've been dumped in the past, because of my trans issues, and had girls "beat around the bush" cuz they don't want to hurt my feelings..but I've had a few try to come back after realizing I'm not much different from any bio dude they date.
Just be yourself, and if you're comfortable enough with it, let a girl get to know YOU before telling her about being trans. Very few people in my every day life know I'm trans, except a few close friends, and family of course.
As far as being from the Midwest, I grew up in Minneapolis, and moved out to cali 4 years ago. I LOVE bay area women, but you can't get any sweeter than midwest girls.
