Importance of Girlfriend or Boyfriend Through Transition

[CC]

I would like to hear from experienced people on how important is it to have a local close trans girlfriend to experience transition for a M to F or a trans boyfriend for F to M?

[sneakersjay]

My personal opinion is that transition is taking up huge amounts of mental energy and I don't have time to give a girlfriend what she deserves during this period.  It would feel selfish for me to take take take support but not have much in return.  Once I'm through the process I'll have more to give another person.

Yes I'd love to have the support of a good relationship but I don't think that's possible at this time.

Oh, and I don't think my gf would have to be MTF, though I am very open to that as a possibility.


Jay

[pennyjane]

hi cc.  i cannot fully explain the importance of my best friend.  she being mtf herself, yet lightyears ahead of me in thought and evolution, understood and could relate complicated issues to me in a language and from a perspective i could understand...her love and willingness to help have shaped my own post-transition life in many, many ways.  i cannot ever repay her, my only hope of getting close is to pass it on...that's all she's ever asked of me and i will go to my grave gladly paying that debt.

if one doesn't have a "big sister", i hope you'll find one...they're irreplaceable.

[Wendy]

Hi CC,

First I am not TS and really am not sure of where I fit in the continuum (maybe you do not believe in a continuum).

I actually sought out a person similar to myself and found a truly nice human being.  I considered her my first "girlfriend" even though she looks like a male.  But the unusual thing is she thought of me as her first "girlfriend" even though I look and live as a guy.

My friend is someone that I can talk to and not be judged.  She has helped me many times when I do stupid things.  We have shared meals together and taken walks together.  I miss her when she gets too busy.

This past week I went to my first TG support group.  I got reacquinted with a non-op TS person that I befriended at SCC in 2007.  I also meet a couple of the network directors that were TS.

I think it is very therapeutic to have someone that can laugh and cry with you.

Wherever my path leads I hope some of these people stay in my life.

Yes I think friends are important and it is worth having someone that understands and appreciates you.

Hugs,

K

[Ms Bev]

No, I didn't have a trans-girlfriend to talk to.  My wife-now-partner referred to ours as a transitioning family.  I drove EVERYONE in the household crazy.
The new transition that is taking place with us, is just Marcy and I being women together.
What a roller coaster ride it was.  We survived, and are happier now than ever, but it was a tough puberty and adjustment of roles.


Bev

[CC]

I think the ideal friend would be some one that has either been through transition or is at a similar stage in life. But, having a romantic involvement with some one in my opinion has a higher potential of complicating things. As Seankersjay said, it would be hard to have a truly reciprocal romance.   

Sorry my question wasn't clear that it was a friend for mutual support and friendship and not romance. God knows I couldn't handle complicating things further right now.

I feel I get wonderful support from Susan's and I've been blessed that a special someone has been very available and supportive over the internet. However, I long to be in the company of another sister to share my excitement, happiness and tears. So today I will be meeting a new friend for coffee that is in a similar place as me. So my curiousity was how others felt and experienced that kind of friendship.

hi cc.  i cannot fully explain the importance of my best friend.  she being mtf herself, yet lightyears ahead of me in thought and evolution, understood and could relate complicated issues to me in a language and from a perspective i could understand...her love and willingness to help have shaped my own post-transition life in many, many ways.  i cannot ever repay her, my only hope of getting close is to pass it on...that's all she's ever asked of me and i will go to my grave gladly paying that debt.

if one doesn't have a "big sister", i hope you'll find one...they're irreplaceable.

That's exactly what I hope for PennyJane.

[Kara Lee]

I wish I knew even one person that knows what I am going through and can share this with.  Living in a small community really sucks that way.  This Saturday I am hoping I have the extra gas money to drive 2 hours up to Indy to a meeting but I don't know about making any friends there because if I do I still couldn't call up someone and ask if they want to come over to watch a movie with me and chat or grab a bit to eat at lunch or, well anything really.  Forums and email is nice but to me they just can't make up for talking to someone you can ask to come over when you are feeling overwhelmed and cry on their shoulder (and visa-versa).  I think it is doubly hard for me because I've always been a bit of a recluse and don't have great social skills but after accepting myself earlier this year and doing things to make myself really happy is really opening up parts of myself that really want the company of people.

[tekla]

No matter what kind of major changes you're going through, a good support network can only help.

[icontact]

My ex-girlfriend was bigender/genderqueer. And it was pretty cool while it lasted. Hoping I can meet another TG/genderqueer. I miss talking about those kinda things and not having to explain the concept and what it's like all the time.

[Janet_Girl]

I actually have a very good friend in Peggy.  She is a bio and straight.  We are best buddies and talk about everything from my adventures in transition, to her divorce.  We laugh together and cry together.  I think that it is very important to have someone close to share with, even if there is only a friendship in that.

[funnygrl]

hi cc.  i cannot fully explain the importance of my best friend.  she being mtf herself, yet lightyears ahead of me in thought and evolution, understood and could relate complicated issues to me in a language and from a perspective i could understand...her love and willingness to help have shaped my own post-transition life in many, many ways.  i cannot ever repay her, my only hope of getting close is to pass it on...that's all she's ever asked of me and i will go to my grave gladly paying that debt.

if one doesn't have a "big sister", i hope you'll find one...they're irreplaceable.

pennyjane, you took the words right outa' my mouth on this one. My roommate Sarah,who is also M2F, is AWESOME as well even though she's killing me with all the exercise and healthy eating crap

[Kara Lee]

My roommate Sarah,who is also M2F, is AWESOME as well even though she's killing me with all the exercise and healthy eating crap

I sure could use a roommate like that :^)
I just can't remember to buy the good food and eat it in moderation and exercise the way I should be doing...

[sneakersjay]

I'm the dork who misunderstood the question. 

Anyway, yes I have a mentor, a guy who transitioned ~10 years ago who lives nearby.  He has been instrumental in helping me find local resources (gender therapists and group therapy) and also sharing his personal experiences.  If not for him I'd likely still be floundering.

Jay

[CC]

I'm the dork who misunderstood the question. 

Anyway, yes I have a mentor, a guy who transitioned ~10 years ago who lives nearby.  He has been instrumental in helping me find local resources (gender therapists and group therapy) and also sharing his personal experiences.  If not for him I'd likely still be floundering.

Jay

You're no Dork Sneakers. That was a very sincere and honest reply. In fact, it made me think about that possibility and then run for the hills right now!

Hugs

[Shana A]

I had a couple of close trans friends during my first transition. I couldn't have done it as easily without their support.

Z

[CC]

My GT introduced me this week to a sister that is my age with many similar interest and family situation. I met her over coffee yesterday and what a dear. She looked great and her poise and confidence was very inspiring because she is a fairly large girl like me.

She asked me to join her and a friend tonight for some dinner, shopping and dancing! Surprisingly my wife said it was fine without any push back and even loaned me one of her purse's. Wow have we come a long way. I'M SO EXCITED!

So I had to get two pair of my pants hemmed for tonight and just went into the tailer and had it done. Then I went to the department store and looked through the shapewear to help with my love handles. Didn't find what I was looking for but these little steps in a public place are big steps for me.

My heart is singing and my soul is being fed.

Oh happy day!

[pennyjane]

now that does call for a big old..."you go girl!!!"

[Kate]

I would like to hear from experienced people on how important is it to have a local close trans girlfriend to experience transition for a M to F or a trans boyfriend for F to M?

Hmmm, well there was a nice transitioned woman in my support group who really helped me. We never got together beyond the meetings, but we talked a lot when there and exchanged emails. We shared similar attitudes and expectations about all this.

The main thing for me though was just seeing how normal she was... just another woman living her life. THAT more than anything gave me hope that transitioning was actually possible.

~Kate~

[Arch]

I'm glad I live in a large city. I go to two weekly support groups for transgender people of all persuasions and one monthly support group for FTMs only.

I'm glad to have met so many transwomen, but I have to say that I'm getting most of my support from the guys. There are a few fully transitioned guys whom I really look up to. They are mentor figures for me. I feel that I could talk to them about virtually anything. In fact, I've told one or two of them a lot of stuff that I had previously shared only with my therapist.

The guys I connect with most on a social level haven't fully transitioned. One has been on T for years, one has been on T for a few months, and one hasn't started. Nobody in the group has had any kind of trans-related surgery. One probably won't ever get top surgery.

We hang out after the meetings and talk about all sorts of stuff, some trans-related and some not. One guy I particularly connect with because apart from trans stuff, we have a few interests in common. But I like the whole trio of guys.

Outside of the trans world, I have a life partner, one good friend, and a few good acquaintances, but I tend to isolate myself. I think of myself as an antisocialite, haha. But look at me now: I'm starting to make friends. This is a big step for a perpetual hermit.

Having transguy friends and mentors is making all the difference to me. I wish everyone were as fortunate.

[Rachael]

Tbh.... i dont have any close trans friends... heck, any? i dont even know a trans person irl....
But a best freind is VITAL for life, nevermind transition... Both my best friend and i saved eachother's lives to an extent... and we are closers than sisters. Without her, id be a wreck, and likewise... someone to cry with, laugh with, and just be there for you is deffiantely vital!