Ahmm where should i start... I am another one of those very confused
and somewhat scared people. I have been a lurker here for a pretty long
time now, i got a sort of a mental bang in the head in December last
year. I _had_ to begin to educate myself about this "GID-thing",
transexuals, crossdressing and whatnot. I stumbled upon Susans in
January, have been reading (and learning) a lot since, guess its about
time to come out of atleast one closet
.
*waves and says Hi!*
A few years back i would have introduced myself as a man from a small
country in northern Europe (with SRS included in public health care
woohoo) Sweden that is, just past 30 years old. The country and age
part is still quite correct i believe but i´m not so sure about the maleish
thingie. Oh dear i´m already talking about SRS, can someone stop me
please! One of those big shirts with long arms that you tie in the back
might be good
and yes i do have a strange kind of humor, thats
official.
I remember having thoughts about how it would be and how i would look
if i was a girl, from back when puberty started about age 11-12 when i
tried moms skirts. Oh my the shame, guilt and fear of being found out...
I´d love to crossdress (but would that be crossdressing in my case,
perhaps i´m crossdressing now with the male clothes hmmm...) and go
out and let the world see ME, but i dont dare do it now, i´m too afraid
of what people might think about me.
Stupid huh? I mean if someone said ugly things or did something to me i
could respond, but i really can´t stop other people from thinking.
I have this dream of being seen as a girl, well woman, by the rest of
the world but now i have no idea of where i will end up. Will i
crossdress or transition or what? Guess its about time to find one of
those gender therapists, i´ll just (ha) have to summon some courage
first. I have been thinking that i was in a closet, it was very dark so
i couldn´t find the door to come out. Perhaps there were no door at
all. But now it feels like there is some light in that corner, i might
even find a door...
During the past months i have atleast got one goal in my life and that
is to visit all people here on Susans (sounds like a threat...) and
give everybody a big hug, you really are great! While that idea feels
nice it does have a few logistical problems, so i guess a electronic
hug will have to do for now.
*hugs*
What else? Yes my nickname, first i thought of calling myself ugly
green blob or something but Whiteswan did seem to have a slightly more
positive edge to it. Maybe i can grow up to be a beautiful swan some
day.
And btw plaese forgive my battering of the English language.
Whiteswan
