Coming out to folks this weekend, any advice??

[alexkidd]

So I am flying back home this weekend, purposely so I can tell my folks. I started T about 2 weeks ago and I want to tell my folks before any changes start happening. So I booked the air tickets and will arrive home tomorrow. Any advice on how to bring this up? They know about my name change but dont call me Alex, they call me by my girl name. My Mum asked once a few years ago if I was getting a sex change, so they know something is up. But how do I actually tell them. Oh, by the way, I started taking T and want you to refer to me as a he now - how do you bring that up with your folks? Keeping in mind they are both pretty Old SKool and closed minded. I dont think they know anything at all about horomones and things, what is the best way to broach the subject?

[Mister]

Go with reassurances- They didn't do anything wrong to screw you up, you still love them & want them to still love you...

and the big one...

you're HAPPY.

[lady amarant]

A lot of patience. This is a huge thing for them to process, even if they had suspected something before, and even if they are accepting and supportive from the outset, you need to be ready for them to make mistakes, to slip up and to sometimes make things difficult.

More than that, this is going to be somewhat akin to a death for them, and they will need time to deal with that. There will be anger, resentment, denial, trying to bargain with you etc. Be ready for it.

Of course, all that might not happen - this is kinda the process most people who want to be supportive will go through, but your folks may have a much easier time processing it, either because they've mentally prepared themselves, or because the full magnitude doesn't hit them all at once, allowing them to process it in bite-sized chunks. Be prepared for the worst, hope for the best, and you should be okay.

Good luck honey.

~Simone.

[HelenW]

My advice would be to make sure you have some appropriate written material fro them to read so they can hear what being TS is about from doctors and other "experts."  This should reassure them and. perhaps, make them realize that it's a medical issue, not a whim or mental disorder (DSM IV notwithstanding).  The Wiki has some stuff and the links page can point you towards more.

Be gentle and patient, give them a lot of slack, especially in the beginning.  A look of dismay when they mess up the pronouns or your name can do more than a verbal remonstrance.

And above all else, remember that you are loved.

hugs & smiles
Emelye

[trapthavok]

Hmmm well for one, at some point in the weekend you can prelude it with "I need to have a serious conversation with the both of you...and I ask you both to please hear me out until I'm done."

If you have a letter written, it helps organize your thoughts A LOT and I found that my parents did not interrupt me once as I read the letter. If you want, I can dig it up for you, I'm sure it's here somewhere...and then post it so you have some sort of helpful guideline? I'm told I'm a really good writer, and I can ease people into this...

Most of all, you want to educate them on what this is and what this means for you. Not a lot of people know what transgender is or means (and as my roommate said, she hadn't heard anything about it except for what she's seen on Maury AND she changed the channel anyway...) This can be confusing, there can be pre-set stereotypes in your parents mind... you know. They still see the lie that you were as who you are (the girl) and it's gonna take some time before they realize the person they see NOW is the real you. So sorta explain what trans is as you're coming out to them...it's a birth defect, you were born right mind wrong body, etc.

You know what I think I'm gonna post my letter here anyway. I'm gonna look for it now. Sorry I sound abrasive or pushy but I sat through coming out to my parents with a therapist at my side and it was STILL ROUGH. But the letter helped a lot.

My dad was in denial, mom began mourning almost immediately. Mom started trying to blame herself "why didn't I see this coming?" but it's like...mom you didn't see it because who I was before was a lie....I haven't been the real me til now. Dad still doesn't talk about it, mom keeps repeating "give me time" though I don't know what it is I'm saying that makes her think I'm getting impatient with her.