So I haven't been here in a while. Hope everyone is doing okay.
It's very strange, you know. I would say that I am able to live my life perfectly well without being read as trans. I might get mistaken for a guy maybe once a week at worst, and in general it's at work when I'm wearing a visor and apron, etc. For the most part people seem to react well to me, and I think that mostly is related to having a cheery disposition, a good voice and a sense of humor. Let me digress on the subject of voice for a moment.. Voice is everything. It will take you a very long time to develop it, but you have to keep at it for a good 10 months or so, solid, every day. Do not let up. Eventually it will become very difficult to remember how to speak in a masculine tone. At first this exercise is phenomenally frustrating, but just keep going. Getting a therapist for this purpose is great, and I also recommend spectrogram software (you can set them to guide you while you use a microphone and test your vocal range on your PC).
Anyways, back to me. I have good angles and bad angles like everyone else. Most people say I'm beautiful, but I'm very unsatisfied with my appearance sometimes. Other times I think I'm the prettiest thing alive. So that brings us to the topic's title.
I've only been on hormones for about 14 months. I think I've changed a lot physically and am pretty happy overall. What really startles me, though, is the moodiness. It is almost like my eyes trick me, sometimes. One minute I look in the mirror and I'm seeing an exotically beautiful girl with strong facial features. Another I see what might as well be a troll. My theory is that I don't own enough clothing and I don't make enough effort in expressing myself. I have been a very plain, practical person my entire life. I get it from my parents (a family of carpenters, naval engineers and teachers), so it's not related to me being TG or anything. It's just habit. Unlike many women with my condition, I don't overdress. I frequently underdress. I don't really give a crap about trying to appear overtly feminine, I just act like myself. This seems to really go over well with most people. Some of my mannerisms are very aggressive/masculine, but my sister, who was not born with my condition, is the same way. Actually, she's even more aggressive than me, and loves sports (I never liked most sports, except skiing.)
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but it feels nice to communicate with others that share my condition.
The only really terrible part of my face, to be honest, is my profile. That's where I look ick. Almost every other angle is fine. Perhaps even delightful. And I am sure it can only get better as I continue on my hormone therapy. I've had a lot of electrolysis done, and still have much more to do. Overall, I guess I am pretty lucky (I work near full-time, employees and managers like me a lot, and I was able to move away from the town I made my initial transition to make a new start.) I know my mangers know that I'm trans cause of the background check, but it's very cool that they never even brought it up, or bring it up.
I guess what I'm saying is that even though sometimes you look at yourself at the end of the day and think you're a haggard troll, you'll still be able to get up the next morning and see yourself in a new, brighter light. I am like that, I think. I for some reason always think I look great when I look at myself in the mirror every morning.
If I could give any advice to other women with this condition who are trying their best to get through the pre-operational phase, it would be this:
Don't wear your damn hair down! Most TG women have high cheekbones, and wearing your hair up helps to define that. It's tempting to hide behind your hair, in a way, but trust me - wear it up. It almost ALWAYS looks better on TG women.
Just what I've observed. I'm too hard on myself, really. I've come a long way. I hope you're all doing well, even if your situation isn't anything like mine.
