Do U Have 2 Be 100% What U R Before U Come Out?

[rosey]

i was wondering if was bad idea to come out if im not 100% what i am? i think im ts but im not even close 2 deciding but if i came out as and said i was severly confused about my gender do u think that would sefice 2 say or should i be a 100% what i am before i tell my parents? ik two problems with this is that could have hope i want 2 stay a boy which i dont if i do so.. and maybe not radical enough for them to realize i feel like a girl sometimes
thanks rosey

[findingreason]

Hi rosey,

If it means getting the help you need to help you figure this out for yourself, then I'd say go for it. You can come out on the premise of "I might be TS", or something like that.

I've come out to people while I'm still not sure about myself, but needed to talk or otherwise my head might have exploded.

It is definitely very confusing, I understand how you feel right now, it isn't easy, that's for sure.

You do whatever feels right to you , whether you tell them now, or later, or hold off completely.

[Sephirah]

Well, I guess there are a number of things to consider, Rosey.

How receptive would your parents be about any aspect of gender identity? Would they listen and try to understand? Or would they totally go off the deep end and make things a hundred times worse for you?

You can only talk about how you feel, and if you feel that you're not sure, and you're having issues with your gender identity, then that's pretty much all you can tell them, right? You can't tell them something that you don't know for sure is or isn't true.

However, if your parents will be accommodating, and if you do decide to tell them you're giving your gender identity some thought, maybe you will all be able to decide on a therapist in your area who specialises in gender issues... someone who may be able to help you work some of your feelings out. Then you could have a better idea of where you stand and how you feel.

If you feel your parents wouldn't understand anything to do with gender identity and the confusion you have, would it be possible for you to see a therapist without them knowing? A way to talk things though and maybe get a firmer idea of how you feel so at least you can go some way to getting things clear in your own mind before trying to get it clear in their, and anyone else's mind.

[sarahb]

I agree with findingreason. If you think it will help you gain support and you're comfortable coming out to them then that something you may want to do. However, if you're still unsure then keep it general. The thing you don't want to run into is coming out to them as one thing and then after additional consideration and self-searching you figure out you're not what you came out as. I had this sort of experience where I came out as TS initially but then tried to bury it again and had to essentially tell my family, nope just kidding. Come to find out I couldn't keep it buried and I eventually decided to start transition again, which led to another awkward talk with family to tell them, hey I know I told you initially, and then backtracked, but now I'm serious about it this time. In the end, my family was never bad about it or anything and was always loving and supportive of whatever I had to do, but it would have been easier for me if I had come out like findingreason said and told them, I might be TS or something along those lines and gave myself more time to become comfortable with myself, as well as becoming comfortable with other people knowing my deepest secret that I'd kept hidden for so long.

Either way good luck and I hope it works out.

[Jay]

I would say no only because I can never be 100% about anything. I have to weigh up the options of becomming me or staying like this.. I couldn't and dont want to live another year being [insert female name].

Only you know how you feel hunny.

[Annwyn]

Um.

It's always good to let the people you care about know what's on your mind

[NicholeW.]

I don't know if you should tell your parents or not. If you are used to chatting a lot with them about things that you wonder about and problems you have, then I'd say yes. That would tend to show you have parents who can hear you, and you trust to help you. But, those decisions are just ones you can make. You know your parents and I do not.

It is a good thing to have people you can reflect you feelings off of and who might be willing to discuss them sanely with you.

No, I don't think it's necessary or even good to make the entire decision without people to talk about it with you. The knowing is gonna come from you, of course, but getting yourself to a point where you're "sure 100%" maybe would be easier and have you feel more secure within yourself, probably, if you are able to discuss things with other folks.

Welcome to Susan's

Nichole

[Janet_Girl]

I am inclined to agree with Leiandra and Nichole.  If you can talk to them, do it.  If you can't, finding a therapist would be a step in the right direction.

[rosey]

thank for the support
im probaly gonna wait
but thanks for ideas and different perspective
maybe eventually ill come out
thanks again rosey