Real Girl Blues

[CC]

How do you girls work out of the "I'll never be a real girl no matter what I do, blues"?

[Sephirah]

I tend to adopt the attitude of "I am a real girl, where it matters, and in that respect... I don't have to do anything other than be myself."

[vanna]

By totally dropping that thought and getting on with transitioning. Locate what you feel isnt going to make that happen and change it hunny.

No-ones under any illusion its easy but everything's changeable from your face down to your action's, look, body shape you care to name with enough motivation its fixed.

[NicholeW.]

Honestly? ... I can't ever remembering feeling that way. 

Even when I thought my body wasn't ever gonna change during puberty. Even after I decided life was just too scary to transition at the end of my teens, I never recall feeling like "I'm never gonna be a real girl."   

Now thinking I wasn't gonna transition? That's a different matter.

Nichole

[CC]

Is it looks-wise, or just feeling like you're stuck?  If it's looks, just tell yourself "There's genetic women uglier than me walking around out there."  I promise, it's true.  (That was supposed to make you smile.)

Sometimes all it takes is something small to get you out of that rut.
[/quote]

I guess I'm just stuck in a rut. It isn't the looks. I can deal with what I have. But transition isn't happening fast enough and I'm just blue I guess. I can't go out and be me because my 25 year old daughter is here for a week.

I've tasted too much of how I can be and I just don't want to go back.

I guess I'm just whinning. I think I'll just go to bed and have a good cry.

Love you all,

CC

[NicholeW.]

... But transition isn't happening fast enough and I'm just blue I guess.

Ah, now that one I do know, very well. Just believe me CC, it moves, really, even though sometimes it seems it's not doing so. It takes time, but not ages. And it's very easy to be sad because it doesn't seem to be going fast enough.

You are gonna get there -- to your goal.



Nichole

[Fox]

I escape into a world of fantasy and imaginiation

[Janet_Girl]

There has been times that I thought that I would not ever get anyway.  And then there are times when I am on a Rocket Sled on Rails.

Right now it seems up hill, but I know that soon I'll be on the downhill race again, without brakes. Weeeee

Janet

[Ellieka]

Awww, I feel your pain sis. its hard and some times I think crying is healthy, as long as you don't give up.

Remember, the caterpillar doesn't become the butterfly over night. It takes lots of time. But if he can last the winter through and weather the bitter cold... In the spring she will become the butterfly.

[Victoria L.]

I'm really not quite sure how to get out of such a feeling myself.

It comes to me randomly, and when it does it really does not help that there isn't the slightest bit of hope of me ever transitioning.

[Ellieka]

I'm really not quite sure how to get out of such a feeling myself.

It comes to me randomly, and when it does it really does not help that there isn't the slightest bit of hope of me ever transitioning.

Many of us have felt the same way, like the possibility is zero. But in the end one may come to a point that they have to ask themselves, Is what I have worth keeping so much that I'm willing to be  miserable in my body for the rest of my life? And then if its not one should consider, What and how much am I willing to give up or loose just to finally have inner peace?

I have heard of some though that can't transition due to medical reasons and my hart goes out to them.

[Jeni]

How do you girls work out of the "I'll never be a real girl no matter what I do, blues"?

I've never been able to figure out the answer to that question CC. And I do feel that way sometimes. Ok, well a lot. As flakey this might seem I wish I was just born with the right equipment and I could have lived a reasonably "normal" girls life. I wish the story of my life was one of daughter, girlfriend, fiance, wife, mother, etc. But looking forward if I can just get to a place where I wake each day a girl from here on out it will go a long way. I have always been a girl inside. Now just to make the outside match. So I will be forward thinking. I will think about being excited about small successes because enough small successes become big successes. Perhaps not great advice, sorry, but its the best I've got coming from a similar place.

[CC]

It comes to me randomly, and when it does it really does not help that there isn't the slightest bit of hope of me ever transitioning.

I think you hit the nail on the head. My blues is not just that I could never be the complete girl I should have been but that I'm also fearing I can't transition. Not because of me but because of the beautiful loved ones I have with me.

Maybe it is just the Holiday and having my three beautiful children with me and playing, laughing and singing together. Those times are so special I just can't at the moment think of impacting themor losing them forever.

But on the other side I am so miserable. (oh, stop your whinning)

[Janet_Girl]

When I first went full time, I went and had my nails done.  The whole nine yards.  Even if you can do that go get a manicure in clear.  It works wonders on the girl pysic.

Janet

[NicholeW.]

... But on the other side I am so miserable. (oh, stop your whinning)

Okee-doke. But I think you also have to see that it's not just whining, CC. You're actually putting out where you can see and read it the ways you feel. The contradictions in your circumstances and how they are emotionally and physically impacting you.

It's not just whining, or moaning and not just feeling bad: you're actually taking some time to work some of these things out, at least work toward working some of them out.

That's a valuable action to take. Good for you and prolly good for others of us as well.

I get the sense that you've internalized this idea over the years that your emotions and your problems are supposed to be things you are totally silent about and "deal with on my own."

This way seems much healthier to me. Perhaps some of what you're lacking is being able to see and accept the positive aspects of what you're doing as well as the aspects that you feel bad and hopeless about.



Nichole

[Northern Jane]

So long ago, before it was possible to legally "transition" and when SRS was out of reach for all except the very wealthy, was the blackest time of my life. The worst thing of all is having no hope for the future. Where there IS hope, you need to cling to that hope and keep working toward it.

I can't say I ever felt the "not a real girl" thing but honestly before transition I didn't know WTF I was but I knew what I wasn't. After transition I found out what I was, just a girl like all the others - not a lick of difference. It never occurred to me that there could be anything except female/woman and male/man.

The 35 years since transition hasn't been all sunshine and roses. There were tough times. My life took quite a different turn from what I had dreamed it would be, but it's okay - I was fully ME and I could handle it.

I never once doubted who I was (a normal woman) until I came to the forums a few years ago. I was a woman, the world knew me as a woman, and nobody thought anything about it. It is only in places like this where people debate "what is a REAL woman". You are and you will be what you believe yourself to be and what you allow yourself to be and nobody can define you except YOU.

When I am blue, I go out and buy something I REALLY want but can't possibly justify or I go to the salon and get 'the works'. Fortunately that doesn't happen too often or I could never afford to retire! LOL!

[Wendy C]

CC when I started actively transitioning a year ago someone pointed out that transitioning was like a roller coaster and I think that is a really good analogy as it has twists ans turns, up and down and even 90 degree turns where it feels like you are going backwards.

Each step of the way has been elation followed by periods of questioning and doubt, but you know, its a good thing. It gives you pause to evaluate where you are at and where you are going. I lost contact with about half of my family when I came out to them but even with that loss and It does hurt terribly, I still do not want to return to the despair I had to live with for so long.

This last month was the first time that I have actually been able to just slow down and pause. It was like being on a plateau and enjoying peace for once. I was able to finally see clearly what I need to do and how to pace myself. It will come for you also. And I know that I will still hit those spots where I will feel that unsurety again and thats alright. I know who I am now and where my destination lies.

Oh and yeah, the car has started downhill again and I know where the handholds are this time.  Hugs Sweetie

Wendy

[Purple Pimp]

Being a "real" girl is just a product of living in the world and being treated as one.  As a certain Mme de Beauvoir said, women are made, not born.

Lia

[CC]

I never once doubted who I was (a normal woman) until I came to the forums a few years ago. I was a woman, the world knew me as a woman, and nobody thought anything about it. It is only in places like this where people debate "what is a REAL woman". You are and you will be what you believe yourself to be and what you allow yourself to be and nobody can define you except YOU.

Dear Northern Jane,

Thank you putting this in a clearer perspective. I know that I need to focus on the wonderful things of who I am and just keep moving toward completion. But some days are tougher than others.

Maybe the best approach is the old "one day at a time". Or maybe "celebrate the beauty of life everyday and let the daily hardships and sadness fade away".

[CC]

I still do not want to return to the despair I had to live with for so long.

This last month was the first time that I have actually been able to just slow down and pause. It was like being on a plateau and enjoying peace for once. I was able to finally see clearly what I need to do and how to pace myself. It will come for you also. And I know that I will still hit those spots where I will feel that unsurety again and thats alright. I know who I am now and where my destination lies.

Thanks Wendy C - Those are encouraging words that will help me to keep going.